November Boys

''Dear Johnny and Joey........ As always, it was wonderful getting together with what is left of our family for the holidays. The spirit of past family Christmas times has nicely settled on the present. I still look around for the ghosts of your Grandparents and Uncle Tom and Nana. They were in the room there, somewhere. We did not see them clearly, but, the sweet joy of their souls were swirling around us. They loved you both fiercely, as I do. I was thinking of them Christmas Eve, but, I was also thinking about you two........ I remember vividly the days you both were born. Johnny, you floated into the world in 1984, when your Uncle Jimmy was a mere eighteen. I did not have much experience with babies then. Most guys at that age do not. So, you were a bit of a mystery to me. How to hold you, what to do when you cried [ usually, babies want their Mom when they cry but you wanted to be held by anyone]. But, you hardly ever cried that I can think of. You always had a smile on that beautiful face of yours. Whomever walked into a room immediately wanted to pick you up and hold you. And, you never said no to that person. There you were, all fat and blond hair, being friendly and playful. You never whined, you never through fits. Happiness was all over you. And, that makes for a rising spirit of goodness for everyone around you. You were the first grandchild, so, of course, you were spoiled. If I didn't pay attention to you, you could easily go to your Uncle Tom for affection [ not an easy trick] and, certainly, your Gamma and Papa. Oh, how we spoiled you!!! I think of the day when you learned how to ride a bike. You would have thought that the Secret Service was guarding you. It was me, Papa, Uncle Tommy, and your Dad. We all were on the watch to make sure you didn't hurt yourself. And, you didn't. Like everything else in life, you picked up on it and excelled. I also think of Christmas time at your grandparents. The stack of presents were up high, all awaiting you opening them. The look of joy and happiness when you did open them has forever stayed in my mind's eye. As usual, you appreciated all of the gifts and thanked all of us. Your parents always, from the start, taught you good manners. You had your toys, the cars, the games, your little container of Pez candy, and most importantly to you, your valued walks with Papa down the block to see the big rock. You were a happy child who made the rest of the family glow. When, in 1989, you were presented with a younger brother, we all wondered on how you would take no longer being the center of attention. True to form, you took it calmly, in stride with your personality. You had a hell of a lot of patience with your younger brother. As we all had to...... Joey, as we have told you many times, you were a pain in the ass. Born five years after your brother, and like Johnny, a November baby, at times, I thought you were a howling demon from the Devil himself. Miserable. Always wanting only your Mom to hold you. That was a good choice, but, some of the rest of us wanted to nestle you in our arms, too. You would have none of that. You were lucky kid that, like your older brother, you were a beautiful baby. You had big cheeks and beautiful dark hair. As time wore on, and, your war with the rest of humanity touching you receded, your personality and joy came forward. And, that was worth the wait!! From the start, you made your presence known. I can recall that the Scoleri sense of humor seemed to be with you even at the age of three. A favorite family story is when, one time at your house, your Dad sent you to your room for being bad [ you had a hell of a temper, kid]. You did not want to go and finally your Dad took you in there and closed the door. Your Dad came back to the living room to talk to us again. That is when you whirled out of your room, came into the living room, looked at your Dad, and shouted at the top of your lungs at him, ''You fucker!'' and stormed off. Well, the room broke into hysterics. Obviously, you should not have called him that. But, I remember thinking that this kid has some balls. And, a rebellious streak. He is a Scoleri!!! As you grew up I was very happy to see the bond you and your brother had for each other. He looked out for you and you very much idolized him. That is a bond you two seemed to have taken with you both into adulthood. Being the baby in the family, Joey, as I can tell you, sure has its perks. You can get away with a lot of stuff that your siblings cannot. Your Mom and Dad were strict with Johnny, but, you got away with so much. It is cool, isn't it??!!! As you grew older, I observed a caring and love of all things that is very rare for someone your age. You take people as they are, no judging. I admire that but you have to be careful because some people deserve that judgment against them. But, your heart was open. And, I like that open heart. Your eyes sparkle with life and all it entails. I have, as other people in the family have commented on, noticed that you have many of my traits in your personality. You are good with people, see the world through the filter of humor, and make friends easily. I also see that you like your beverages and the ladies. Good, but, be careful you don't overdue both. And, stay away from strippers......... You have to forgive your Uncle here, guys. Sometimes, I find it difficult to believe that you both are men of the world. I still consider you runts running around the Christmas tree, begging all of us to let you open the gifts early. But, those days are long gone and you are men now. Good, solid, kind men. I am very proud of how you both turned out. You both would never hurt a fly. You both have matured into the type of person the world needs more of. You both are terrific fathers---- Johnny with Jordan and Aiden. Joey with the mighty Manny---- and I know the sweet spirit of your souls is in theirs also. I am no longer young, forty-eight people tell me, and your Mom is not also. We are not planning on going anywhere soon. But, I wanted to take this moment to officially hand off the family baton with you both. This is your quick pep talk about your duties that are expected of you both as you move through life. Never lose the sense of family. The Scoleri family has always been a good and decent family. We do not harm anyone. We always look out for the underdog. As you both are experiencing being out in the world now, there are many people out there that are ruthless and cutthroat. They would sell their mother's down the river for a healthy profit and gladly never bat an eye in guilt or shame. The family has never been part of this group. As your Uncle I expect you both to follow the family tradition of honor and loyalty and decency. Never be swayed by the dark forces out there. Your Papa always gave out sound advice. One thing I always remember him saying is ''Always be yourself. Never let anyone change whom you really are''. You will come across situations in life when you may cross that line of whom you are and are swayed to do bad things. This is not the Scoleri way. You two, in time, will be the living history of all that this family has been. And, I expect you both to obey the laws of our family heritage and bloodline. Never let anyone change you. Never hurt or disrupt another human being in life. That would go against your natural way of the goodness that swims in your souls. I have no doubts about you too and what road you will choose in life. It is the road that we all, in the family, have chosen. There will be some bumps, to be sure. Sometimes, it seems like you may have chosen wrong. You have not. Stay true to your goodness. It is whom you really are and you will have a much more rewarding life living this way. Try to make a healthy profit, yes, but never damn your soul by doing it. Ok, pep talk over....... I love you guys!! You make my life so much more enriching being around you. Thank you for being the men that you are!!! You make me very proud to call you my nephews!!!!......... Love, Uncle Jimmy''.........

Close Friends

I won't use names. Discretion is one of my main functions in life. I come from that long-ago time when a private life meant private. It wasn't polite to inquire about how much a person makes a year, what their house is worth, or, what they do in the bedroom. Many people tell me these things, but, I do not believe it is any of my business to invade a person's private life. Therefore, I will protect the innocent in this here blog and gingerly dance around without outing someone. That said, I have many friends I have had sex with....... Why state this? Well, as happens in my life, I was recently in a group of people at a bar. Some were young, others, like me, were fighting along the battlefield of middle-age. Sex is always on the platter at a bar get together, ripe for discussion. The subject of having sex with a friend was brought up. The young whippersnappers all believed that it was impossible to keep friendship and sex separate. I replied, no it was not. Many women I have as friends started out as sexual encounters and blossomed from there into straight friendship. And, the opposite has happened. Friends at first became sexual partners and then returned again as friends. The youngsters were stunned. That is not possible!!! Sex always ruins a friendship!!!........... No, it does not. Maybe, at their age it does. In your twenties, when you are really starting to have serious relationships for the first time, the lines between intimacy and friendship are very blurred. You are still very young and experimenting. When someone tries all of the items at the dinner table, he or she will hurt some feelings and ruin some relationships. That is common among the young. They are not mature enough to appreciate the moment and the realization that the people in your life now will not always be there. With maturity comes wisdom. And, you use that wisdom to define and work at who is the most important to you. When that is made clear, then you dedicate yourself to that love affair or that friendship. Feelings of your love for a person spill over between the two. By the time you are middle-age, you should have a good person or two that is also an extension of yourself. If you have many, God Bless. But, quality is more important than quantity........ Now, definition is the heart of having sex with a friend. If the subject is brought up logically and slowly, the pieces fall in line. Two friends should never start intimacy because you were both blasted out of your mind and let the hormones kick in. That is the warning sign and where many friendships break apart. Liquor is the most dangerous area to bring into the discussion. It must be from two clear minds. Because you are taking your feelings for each other in this new area, there should be no misunderstanding. Are we just doing this to get our rocks off or are we thinking this might be a positive new road for us?......... If it is purely sexual, then that is fine. I would rather my good female friends have sex with someone they trust, who will treat them well and with love and care, then some joker that was picked up at a party or a bar. They will give you sex, but, not the kind of sex you need. You are lonely and filled with a need to be loved. You want not only the orgasm but the person to hold you afterwords, with real feeling. Snuggling close to someone you care about is just as important as getting laid. More so, I believe. The action has ceased physically. But, the caring and love continue. In anything, after sex, you need that caring and love more. Ask yourself this, after you have had that first encounter with someone new and they have left, who is the first person you tell about this to? Perhaps, family. But, more likely, a close friend. Why? Because you value them and what they have to say. Sometimes, that call is not necessary because that person is the one holding you at that moment......... As we all know, sex with someone you love is vastly superior to someone you don't know. Sex becomes lovemaking. And, a friend, who understands your fears and your needs, is a good person to administer that lovemaking....... There is also some laughs. How can you not laugh among the two of you when you think about what you are about to do or have done. Laughing is fine. It releases good emotions in your bodies and also puts a little welcome reality to the situation. ''Can you believe we are about to do this? Ha!''........Most friendship hookups do come back for the need to alleviate loneliness. You need comfort and understanding. You need a close friend to share their caring with you and make a friend feel better. The media has snidely added the catchy nickname of ''Friends With Benefits'', as if two friends sharing their love for each other should be mocked by a hip name attached to it. No, if you call what you are having by that name, it will end badly for you. That means you are following what others do and try to label it as such. The true purpose is lost and then you risk bad feelings and that misunderstanding. No name for what you are doing needs to be attached. If one does, then use love. That speaks volumes....... I guess that now is the time to state that many female friends of mine I have not been intimate with. Some, I believe, it is good just to keep at a friendship level. I recognize that bringing lovemaking into the friendship could wipe out that friendship. And, the women realize it also......... In the final analysis, I believe that love for a friend is no different than love for a partner or your family. It all is sprung from the same well in my soul. True love and understanding for the people you care about. It all runs together as I get older. And, as we go into these cold months, sometimes you need a good friend to keep you warm........

Number 12

The new thing on Facebook is to be given a number. Then, with said number, you give facts about yourself. For example, if you are given the number 10, then ten fun-filled items comes floating out. Now, I have been given the number 12 by the lovely Kathi Krueger, so, I guess I must join the club and divulge pertinant facts. Taking a page from David Letterman, I will start with the highest number and countdown. Hold on to your socks......... 12). I used to be a member of the Commodores. 11). I love watching Green Bay Packer fans try to figure out how to use a bar of soap and toothpaste for the three teeth in their mouth. 10). Every Sunday, I free dance to the ''Dirty Dancing'' soundtrack. 9). Has impregnated half of the ''women'' at the Schaumburg DMV. 8). I co-wrote the hit country song, ''My Heart Belongs To My Country, But My Balls Belong To You.'' 7). Every November 22, I wear a pink dress and pink pillbox hat. 6). My losing of my virginity is coming out on Blu-Ray. Titled, ''Thirty Seconds And That Will Still Cost You A Hundred Bucks.'' 6). I once ran a massage parlor with Mother Teresa. 5). I love to say the word ''Telemundo.'' 4). I spend most Saturday nights bathing the elderly. 3). I once ran a distance, nonstop, of 200 feet to catch a woman falling who was carrying a pizza. Don't remember what happened to the woman. 2). My first wife was Eydie Gorme. 1). I taught square dancing and ballet to Charles Manson........ So, there I hope that closes any questions that might be asked about James Patrick Scoleri, so christened....... Oh, I will add one more thing as a final postscript........ I would like to fall in love again........ For all of the bluster and sexual free-talk that I speak, I am at heart very romantic. For those who really don't know me and just see the humor, that might be another humorous line in the long list of my off-center mind comments and imagination. However, the people closest to me----- family and close friends---- they have seen the other me. The me that loves and respects women and all that they are. I am constantly amazed and fascinated by the fairer sex. I know what it is like to be a guy, so, new insights into human behavior from the male point of view are old hat to me. Now, a woman!!! The sweetness and pure heart and soul of a woman, that makes me feel alive and kicking!!! I have always been very proud of my associations with women, whether they be of a friendship level or a romantic angle. I love being in love. I have had many romances, some short-term, a few long-lasting. I have had the wonderous joy of a woman by my side and I literally feel my heart beating with a new life. Sure, some of that feeling is sexually physical. But, the other half feels the power of having a woman that you love and being loved back. Just about all of us have had that feeling, what I am saying is not new. You know, that jump, that incredible jump, of all-around passion and love. That is why when I come across someone who is in a long-term relationship without that passion, I feel very sad for them and my romantic heart cries out for them. Many people are with someone that they really do not want to be with, while their soul aches for the other half that is missing. People stay together for a variety of reasons, be they financial or waiting until the children have grown. And, that breaks a romantic heart like mine....... Part of being a romantic is discretion. I date privately, many people close to me have not met my girlfriends, or perhaps, a few have been introduced. Why? Well, I believe that love is a very special gift. It needs the discretion of privacy for it to grow and sustain. Also, maybe, I live my life in compartments. I have a family space, along with a friends nook. The most serious compartment is that love compartment. And, that is an exclusive membership. A lot have women have visited this place, but, only a select few have had a gold card. My family and friends understand this and are respectful. In time, I will let all of them intermingle. But, when I feel the time is right...... Sometime in the future I will talk more in depth about my true loves. A hint: one really got to me. She saw the real me ( not an easy trick) and loved me unconditionally. We were together for four magic years. And, then......... I hope to find another love like this. Romantics always sustain on the feeling of hope. A few friends of mine are in the same boat. We are no longer 21, when all of life is still in front of you and hopes abound. We are weary from the battle........ But, the war for love will never go away.......

A Final Sunset

The doctor delivered the death sentence, cool and with expertise. He must have said the same words over and over for generations. Just change the names and faces, but, the facts still stun and sadden. Claire had cancer. That most foul enemy to all people. It was no surprise, in a way, but, the words spoken--- without the warmth and feeling you would get from a loved one---- shook her to her core. And, James, her husband, steady, a rock, and a knight in shining armor, felt the blow also. Not as much as Claire, of course. She was losing her life. In a way, so was James. The doctor told her she had about six months, which really meant three. There was nothing more to be said. There were no miracle cures, no hope that she would bounce back. Chemo was of no use. She was going away soon...... The couple shed some tears in the office but managed to stay somewhat composed. The drive home was silent, as if the silence was a diversion. Claire, all 5"3 of her was shuddering a little but her eyes were dry. It wasn't until they got home and the dogs ran up to them that it all came out....... James and Claire had been married for 51 years. They were high school sweethearts. They never dated anybody else. The romantics they were, they always claimed that God had touched their love with a special potion and that potion made them one. It was very likely. Anyone who ever saw the two of them together came away with the feeling of two people united as one. They had the same sense of humor and the same loves in life. They loved children [ having 3 to prove the point] and animals. As the children grew up, there would be dogs running all over the house. Dogs claim a special place in any judge of character. There was also a tremendous attraction to the outdoors. Sunsets held the high card. Before the kids were born, when they were young, they would find their favorite tree outside of the house to lie under. Some people would bring spirits to enhance the experience but they did not need that. The natural beauty of the sky as God sent the sun off to sleep and brought out the magic of the moon was intoxicating enough. They would snuggle with each other, with James putting a protective arm around her. No one was going to penetrate that embrace. She was safe in his arms as she watched the sunset. Claire always felt warm and secure at those moments. Her head would naturally find a comfy spot on the shoulder. Before they had kids, this embrace and moment were the supreme summitt of their relationship. Young, warm, safe, and in touch with the great forces of nature. When the kids arrived one by one, of course, they joined that much loved embrace. A baby snuggled betweem them. With every arriving child, Claire and James would separate a little further from each other. That was okay, they gladly knew. In time, when all three of the kids were lying under that tree with them, all that was touching between the two of them were their fingers. And, a warm smile would pass at each other. That smile would be their silent rememberance of their twosome........ There was nothing really special about their marriage. They did what millions of people do who live ordinary lives. The kids grew up strong and good natured. The dogs slowly would die off, a traumatic time for the family. But, new dogs would take the fallen's place. As they aged in years, there would be the normal health issues associated with growing older. Blood pressure, cholesteral, etc. But, nothing major. Until that morning when Claire felt the bump under her arm. For a few days, she let it go. But, it continued to worry her and she finally went to her doctor. After a battery round of tests, the doctor delivered the thunderblow verdict of cancer........ Claire had just turned 71. James was a year older. His health, while not great, was of little thought of right now. Claire was dying and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. The doctor had told them that. With a heavy heart the children were summoned and heard the news. Tears flowed in waves. The children, not seeing the reality, determined she could be saved and she must fight the demon. However, reality soon came about and the little family had to accept the decision was final. There would be no intervention from above. God was calling Claire home. And, as the children swarmed her and cried their tears, James made the decision he had to. He was going with her........... James waited a few days before he told Claire. He wanted to check their finances and have all of their papers in order. And, he read his life insurance policy to see if it covered suicide. It did not, so, James made some moves to assure financial stability for the family. The house and all of their possessions were firmly in place to be delivered to their kids. It was then that James told Claire. He did not tell her verbally, but, rather in a letter he composed the night before.......... '' My Darling, Claire. You know I am not a articulate man. Never have been. You have teased me for years at being tongue-tied when I need to speak up!!! Well, I beg your indulgence this last time and let me express my thoughts to you in written form. From the moment I first saw you I loved you. I was only sixteen but I knew that my heart was beating for the first time. My eyes were filled with your fine, beautiful face and angelic behavior. From that moment on, there was no one else for me. And, you honored my soul and being by giving me your love back. I have never regretted for one single day our journey through life together. We have navigated all the trials and pitfalls that life gives us. Yes, sometimes, I thought we would go under. But, our love always showed us the way. It is a love written about in the finest of poems and the sweetest of songs. It is a love that transcends everything else in life. And, we have our children, the brightest extension of that love. Not a day goes by that I do not thank the Almighty for this love and the gift of you. I am a fortunate man. And, through this journey through our lives I have learned many things. The last thing, you can say, is that I do not want to go further in this life without you by my side. I want us to leave this life and start the next life together, our final journey. On one hand, you can say I have given up. Yes, I agree. On another, you can say that we have done all that we can here. Our beloved children are adults we can admire and be proud of. They have their own lives and can live them without us. There is a touch of sadness in me writing these words but also a relief. We aren't necessary for their survival anymore. They will be fine. And, I ask that we make the decision to take our next step together. Our minds are clear. It is time. We will miss so much. But, we have been given so much. And, we must let go. I cannot think of a better scenario than for me to greet God and all of God's magic wonders with you by my side, as I hold you close. Let us both begin this journey as we have begun other journeys: with love in our eyes and united as one..... Love, Your James''.......... Claire put down the letter and did not say anything at first. Because she was crying. He had been short in his letter [ so typical of him to get to the point!] and she didn't need more. She looked into his eyes, the eyes she had fallen into love with so many years ago. Those eyes always held kindness and understanding, never malice. And, then, she noticed, those beautiful eyes began to cry. Deep sobbing never seen by her before. He was crying from the very core of his soul. Claire knew he meant every word. He was willing to die with her. Slowly, she walked over to him. Her head bent gingerly towards his face and rested on his forehead. They spoke no words. And, then, she looked him directly into his eyes. Again, no words were spoken. But, a pact had been made with the silence. They would go on together......... The two questions that remained would be how it would end, and, most heartbreaking, how would they tell the children? The first part was decided easily. The second was delicate. They decided to say it straight out to the kids. No sugar coating and no retreat from their position. At first, they envisioned the kids not understanding. Then, when the children saw they were serious, disbelief would come. And, that was exactly what happened two days later when they announced their plans at a family gathering. James told them flat-out. ''We want to be together''. It was no reflection of any lack of love or devotion from Mom and Dad, just that they were tired and wanted to go to sleep. The girls cried, but, James Jr, always the most like his father in thinking, grasped the plan with some thought. James Jr. explained to his sisters that their parents needed this. It broke his heart, like it did theirs, but, there was a sweetness in Dad doing this for their Mom. They both seemed to be of sound mind and did not take what they planned lightly. After three hours, reluctantly, but, with the feeling that they would do anything for their parents, the kids gave in. They would not stand in the way of this final testament of eternal love........ The day it would happen was decided. It would be one week later. Claire was starting to feel pain again from her cancer, so, it had to happen soon. The night before, a Friday, the family gathered in the parents home one last time. There was everybody's favorite foods and plenty of drinks. Who cared about calories and hangovers!!! Tonight we live, for tomorrow we die. The family films came out, along with the favorite stories told throughout the years. No close friends had been told about what was going to happen, nor extended family. Just the kids knew [ they were all single]. Crying mixed with laughter filled the night. And, then, it was time to say goodbye. You can imagine the scene. There weren't farewell hugs, but, rather, bodies glued to each other. To let go would mean to say goodbye, and, as much as the event tomorrow was accepted, to let go would mean never again would they be together. Never again would there be birthdays and Christmas together. Never again would Mom make her special dishes and Dad to sing his songs. Never again. It was over. Finally, somehow, James and Claire convinced them to go. They would see them in their dreams........... The following morning James gassed up the car. Their departure method would be the old-fashioned, and painless, closing the garage door and starting the car. But, they planned on doing it in the evening, after viewing one last sunset together. They went out to the tree, the tree that held a small part of their lives. They sat on the ground and Claire found her spot nestled in the shoulder. James rested his head on top of hers. They didn't speak. The sunset spoke for them. Finally, after seeing this final burst of life, James and Claire went to the garage. The dogs sat in the backseat [ they weren't leaving this life without them]. The dogs had their toys and were kissed one last time. The garage door was then shut and the car started......... When they were found the next day by James Jr--- who had volunteered to serve in this capacity---- he noticed the dogs lying peacefully in the backseat. And, then he found his parents. Holding each other close, with Claire safely in James' arms. They had a peaceful look on their faces, as if they found supreme joy with each other in their final moments. The son began to cry. For his dead parents who were no more, of course. But, also, for the love that they had for each other, even to the very end. It made what had happened much easier to accept. He knew they were together somewhere. The dogs were running beside them. And, they were eternal........ That night, James Jr. and his sisters sat under their parents tree and watched the sunset. They smiled to themselves as they toasted the people who gave them a love of life and, now, a love of death. Funny, James Jr. thought, the sun setting has never seemed more beautiful........

Gay Is Happy

To my knowledge, the first homosexual I ever met that was openly gay was in an acting class I took when I was 22. Acting and gays have gone hand in hand for centuries, but, for us heteros, it also opened the door to have great access to women in acting. With so many gays flying around, a straight guy, like myself, felt like a kid in a candy store. But, I digress. Some of the students were either openly gay, or, you pretty much knew that they were a ''friend of Dorothy's''. At first, because of my lack of experience in dealing with that lifestyle, and, also, being a young male who constantly thought of women, I was a little put off being around them. My skin didn't exactly crawl, but, there was a noticable lack of interaction with them like I had with the straight people. And, let's not forget, when you are young, even though you think you know everything and have all the answers, you don't. I'm sure my arrogance and prejudice towards that lifestyle inflicted a certain coldness with them. In time, as I got to know them, I accepted whom they were and, while I still don't understand that lifestyle at all, I sure have embraced everybody's right to live their lives how they want to. I would never tell anyone whom they should be with......... As I've grown older and hopefully wiser, I have relaxed my personal biases. That is one of the great things about growing older [ there aren't many great things]: the ability to have an open mind. Not that you have to necessary agree with another viewpoint or lifestyle. There are still certain things that I will never embrace. But, the key of maturity in a person is the open mind. I will debate with the best and the dumbest. I will listen to their side, which can be both informative, and a complete waste of my fucking time. I will gather information to store in my memory bank, or, I will flush away comments as fast as I can. Unfortuantely, some dumb things still stick to my mind while other important details fade away. I used to know about the Theory Of Relativity. It is actually an easy formula. Not anymore. But, I remember Sonny and Cher were married to each other. Why I remember that and not phone numbers of people I love is a strange twilight zone world to live in. However, it all flows with the open mind to all information. And, life's experiences, as we all know, change us. What you may have believed at 22 may not apply at 47. Am I the same person now that I was at 22? I hope not. Because that would mean my learning has been stunted and I have not accepted all of the differences in life. And, homsexuality, once so alien and uncomforatble to me, has grown in my acceptance.......... I still do not have anyone close to me who is gay. My family and friends have all followed the straight way of living, as have I. I have had some girlfriends who had gay friends that I got to know. But, no one close to me, or, someone I have known for a long time, has ever come out of the closet. How would I react if such and such a person told me that they were homosexual or lesbian? At first, it would be a source of humor, as most things are with me. There would be the jokes and the inappropriate comments that only the people you love can appreciate. Then, well, I would think the serious analysis would come into the forefront. I would ask the person if they feel better and more happy coming out of the closet. I would hope that the answer would be affirmative. I would be looking at their face and hopefully to see joy and relief in finally being whom they always wanted to be but couldn't. There has to be a horrible feeling that you have been made to feel a freak by society and its bigotry simply because you have decided to travel a different way with your sexuality. Then, if they felt so free to talk about it, I would listen to their stories, not the sexual ones, but, the sad stories of hiding their lives under a lie. I would listen to their stories of ridicule and shame and condemnation by society and by their loved ones who shunned them. We have all heard the stories about fathers disowning sons because of their sexual orientation. We have heard the stories about ridicule from a person's peers that result in suicide attempts. And, as I would listen to these heartbreaking stories, I would, I believe, open up a part of my soul that would be protective of my new gay friend. I would see the light even clearer and with better perspective. Although I do not agree with their sexual practices, that is okay. They do not agree with mine either. But, they don't judge me or shun me because I am heterosexual. Why, therefore, should I judge them? The evening would probably end with us embracing and us closer than we have ever been. And, then, my friend would still be my friend, like  for so many years, and, we would share laughs and good times again. Would I look at them differently? Yeah, I would. But, it would be from an angle of pride and respect for putting up with all the abuses they have endured for years.......... There are some mistakes I think homsexuals do make. Some use their sexual life as a cause. I'm old-fashioned. Regardless of how one swings, I believe in privacy. It is no one's business whom you sleep with. Free will always triumphs in my book. But, the homosexual community is mistaken, I believe, to turn a personal issue into a political cause. Example: the Gay Pride Parade every year in most major cities. If I was gay I would be highly ashamed and alarmed by this parade. It is billed as a celebration of a lifestyle but it is actually a mockery of good intentions. Check out the floats and the behavior of many of the participants. They are acting so stereotypical and outrageous that they seem to turn off many straights with their antics and buffoonery. If I was gay I would be highly ashamed of the parade and would believe it sets the movement back. When you open something up to such ridicule you will invite the backlash. In short, if you act like an idiot, then, the world will treat you like an idiot. This cannot please most homosexuals. They must sit at home and shake their heads in disgust. Here they have been living their lives trying to have ''normal'' society accept them as ''normal'' people, and, then, these fools open up the old wound of ridicule. Take a cue from the heterosexual world. We have no parade. Most straight people use discretion. If gays believe that no one should be interested in what is happening in the privacy of a bedroom, then, they should start practicing what they preach. Yes, the issue must be addressed to a certain degree, but, do it in a classy and respectful way. That is how straight society will understand and accept. But, you are not getting the message out on ''Dykes On Bikes''............ The gay marriage movement has had another success, this time with the State Of Illinois passing the bill for gays to get married. I have never had a problem with this. My standard joke has always been that if gays want to be miserable in marriage like most heteros I know let them do it. I know many people who follow the Bible and the teachings of this most arguable book have issues with the gay marriage movement. They argue that marriage is between a man and a woman. I have always that marriage is for two people who love each other, regardless of background, religion, race, or sex. If a union is involved with two people who love each other deeply, who cherish the other person for making their life come alive and for stimulating them intellectually and physically, for being the other half of their soul and being the partner they want to walk through life with, then, if you want some legal document to have to make it official, then that is my definition of marriage............ So, for the bigots out there that see gays and lesbians as the big corrupters of youth, who see the fact that two people of a same sex are the devil, relax, no one is gonna threaten you and your life. You can still proudly wave the banner of your preference as high as you want. But, really, no one cares like you think they do. And, who knows? There is the old theory about protesting too much about something. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere in the deepest, darkest regions of your narrow mind, there is a little interest in this lifestyle. There are also the stories about ''macho'' men who spend their whole lives proving their masculinity, and then, they end up sucking dick from a Mormon in a Utah hotel room....... In the final analysis, who really cares? I don't. Neither should you. Let people live their lives the way they want to, as long as no one is hurt or taken advantage of. There is far too much hatred floating around this world already. None should be leveled at two people who are spreading the feeling human love........

Happy Halloween

I had a sensible bag for the candy. One of those plastic bags that managed to find a lot of room for the treats. My friends had about the same volume to their bags. But, Brother Tommy always surpassed us all. My big bro used to haul candy in an old pillow case. Scouting and prowling the neighborhood and the outlining areas was his M.O. My dear brother had an a sweet tooth a mile long, so, it took him into the deepest apartment buildings and the far away homesteads. But, this was the 1970's, the last innocent time to be a kid. So, there was no worry to be had. And, there wasn't. Des Plaines, Illinois was innocent then......... Soon, the knocks will be at my door, like all of yours, with little kids telling me trick or treat [ always in a charmingly shy way] and their bags will be open for my giving them their rewards. Halloween, as we all know, is the second best time to be a kid. Christmas stumped every other day because you were waiting for the Magic Man himself, Mr. Claus. But, Halloween ran a close second because of one simple cardinal rule: you can eat as much candy as you want and you won't hear anything negative about it. No cautionary warnings that it will make your skin break out and rot your teeth. Everybody jumps on board the candy train....... I can't remember my first costume as a kid but it had to have come from Osco. Back in the golden era of the 70's, costumes were much more simple and economical. I always seem to remember being wrapped in some plastic outfit with the outline of a monster or ghoul on my chest. Skeletons ran supreme. However, I always liked pictures of Dracula and other monsters who scared the hell out of me every other day of the year. Mom always went to Osco to buy these outfits because it was rather cheap and we kids looked good all goofied up. In those times, there wasn't the elaborate special effects of the movies today. Then, if you wanted to be a ghost, throw a white sheet on your head. You wanted to look like a rock star? Chances are your older siblings had some psychedelic attire still left over from the free-wheeling Sixties that you could wear. But, the plastic outfits were the best. They weren't heavy, were rather easy to put on, and made you feel scary...... Remember how fun school was on Halloween? Perhaps, it was the only fun day of the year [ last day of school really doesn't count] because you had parties. The teachers were all dressed up in various costumes. They had to show respectability in their outfits, but I always wondered, even in my precious childhood, if they slipped off those costumes when we kids left, and then the fun would really start to unfold. But, the teachers always were cool with how they looked---- a sidenote: I look back and realize I always had good teachers in my school years. I do not remember disliking any of them at any level------ and, even then, I had the impression that by behaving like this, there was some real humans beings behind the lessons we were taught. Games spun around the classrooms, with every kid taking a turn and winning a prize. This was a touching gesture on the teachers part because not everyone was good at games. These women, bless them wherever they are now, always played fair and made sure no one was not a winner doing something. The music would be playing [ the ''Monster Mash'']  and much laughing and singing would be had. Thank you again, my lost-forgotten teachers of Albert Einstein Elementary School in Des Plaines. I hope we kids were good to you and gave back our appreciation on how well you threw a party........... After school, the action really started!!! You paired up with your friends and knew immediately which house would be hit first. You always singled out the houses with the best candy and you wanted to get there first before other kids took all of the good stuff. I think my lifelong drive to get to a party early comes from these days. I want the action to start now and last long. We kids didn't fuck around. There was a mission here to beeline to the first house and grab the moolah. Maybe, your first greeting of '' Trick Or Treat'' is the most powerful. It has been stored up in you for a year and the anticipation is making me waaaaiiiiiiiiiittttttttttiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg!!!!!!!! Suckers came out, along with candy bars. Snickers were always my favorite--- an affair to which I enjoy to this day---- but, Baby Ruths were welcome, along with Kit Kats or Hersheys or Mounds [ my Mom's favorite]. Sometimes, gum would fly into the bag. But, there was always some asshole who would give out fruit!!! They would drop an apple into your bag and break the suckers!!! What's with the apple, pal? As soon as we walked away from the house, we all would throw that apples back at the house. Fuck you, buddy!!! We want candy!!!........... After the first house had been visited, the candy would start to be eaten as you canvassed the neighborhoods. Along the ways, you would pass your school friends, some might have changed from their costumes earlier in the day and you would join them, sometimes as a big group, to march towards the door. I always appreciated the warm smiles from the mothers who answered the door. They were having a ball seeing our costumes and loving the joy that ran across our faces as we got the goods into our bags. I was raised to always say, ''Thank You'', when something is done for me. And, so were my friends. There would be the chorus of little kids voicing, ''thank you'', before the door closed. The moms would laugh, wave, and wish us all a good time, but, be safe........... And, we were safe. Des Plaines back then was like most suburbs. Everybody knew their neighbors and watched out for the kids playing. If someone suspicious was in the area, everybody knew and protected the kids. That was why my brother, Tommy, went distances for his rewards. The areas were safe. No one was gonna hurt anybody. There were no drugs or shady dealings in our community. If you were out after dark, everything was ok. But, you still had to check in with Mom and Dad. Normally, I was home by the time it was dark. And, as soon as I got home, my Dad would look through the bag to see what I got and if everything was safe. Maybe. But, he wasn't fooling me or anyone else. He was looking for candy he liked. Of course, Dad, you can have some of my stash. The problem was that my Dad and I had similar tastes in candy. So, I did see many precious Snickers make their way down my Dad's throat. It was all good, though. Even then, I would have given him the world.......... The final reward of the special day was the annual viewing on Channel 9 of  ''Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein''. This was a religious viewing. Eating the candy while Bud and Lou met up with Dracula, the Wolfman, and ole Franky himself. Even though it was a comedy, there were still some scary moments in the movie. Now, its laughable, but when you are a kid, things like being alone in your house and hearing things go bump in the night really scare you. The scares in this chestnut of a movie are all in good fun, however. A good, scary movie is required watching on a day like this. Not the absurd and violently gross movies that pass as horror films now. But, a movie you can watch with someone, or better yet, alone, with the lights off, that keeps your heart beating a little faster and on the edge of your seat......... The candy is in the bowls by my door awaiting the first knocks. The only worry is that I will start eating some of it before Halloween arrives. I look forward to seeing the kids and their costumes. I look forward to seeing how happy their faces are as they wish me ''trick or treat'' and hold open their bags. I look forward to them being pleased by the candy because I buy some good stuff. I look forward to seeing their hot Moms there watching over their kids. Last year, I got hit on by two mothers but they looked like Bela Lugosi, so nothing came of it. And, I look forward to watching ''Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein'' again. It will be watched with me eating candy and reconnecting, for a little while anyway, with the kid in me......... We all need to revisit our childhoods in some form. God help us when we ever stop being kids at heart........

Great Depressions

Okay, so, I am a little depressed lately. Its nothing to get down about. Many thoughtful family and friends have been in contact with me wondering where my head is at and if I am feeling good in life. Yes, I reply gratefully, all is well with me and my psyche. I am just in the same low emotional well that we all find ourselves in. You can't really point to a reason or incident. But, your mood is not aligned in the positive direction, so, you feel a case of the blahs. We all go through it and caring people around you are on guard. For me, there is the added worry because I had a brother who committed suicide. That sends a quiet signal to the watchguards who care about me--- and, my family--- that we should be checked in on. I repeat: I am fine and still am in love with life........ The subject of depression is interesting to me. I view life through the filter of humor. I try to see the absurd in everyday circumstances, which results in my social commentary. Sometimes, that viewing can be really twisted in a cruel way, i.e. sick jokes or black humor. I am grateful I have this humor filter in my soul. I cannot imagine how a humorless person views the harshness of reality without the humor bone attached to you. If you view life and its occurances in the clear light without humor, then, it is a pretty bleak and depressing experience. Tragedy, human horror, corruption, broken dreams, make up the shape and face of the world. We all encounter setbacks and harsh brushes with cruelty. How someone who looks at this soberly, without humor to fall back on, must be deadly. And, those people, when they fall into that well of depression, are most likely to hear the voices of doom to end it all. I don't hear those voices, thankfully. And, neither did my brother. The true story of his demise, as some of you know, was more accidental death than an intentional taking of life. But, his death was ruled a suicide, so, that stain his legacy must be. But, as a Scoleri family member since birth, I can tell you we all have embraced the richness and celebration of life and all it gives us. Deep depressions do not inflict our DNA. Rather, we can tend to slide to the ''a little blue'' column under depression. All is well in Scoleriland........ Is it wrong to be depressed? No, I do not think so. Everyone swings back and forth between happiness and sadness at various times during a lifetime. Some of the most famous and brilliant people in history were moody fucks. Winston Churchill, Ben Franklin, Franklin Roosevelt. The list goes on. It has been reported that Abraham Lincoln was manic-depressive all of his life. These men certainly knew heartbreak and setbacks. However, they channeled the negative to spur their systems on to do great things, which they certainly did. Maybe, if Lincoln was clinically ''normal'', he might have been a colder, crueler person. His depression led him down the path to human understanding and enlightenment. He saw and felt the suffering of the common person because he knew the feelings firsthand. Depression, however sad, can be a useful learning tool for us and to use to further shape our character......... But, the obvious argument about depression is when does it cease to be a momentary downslide and become a genuine problem. Depression is too delicate and complex an issue to do a blanket statement on. I resent psychiatrists who classify everyone who goes through a bad emotional state as someone with a problem. These simple-minded takes on the human spirit is meant, in my opinion, to raise the good doctor in the eyes of the patient, as some kind of healer and all-wise counsel. They may care, as they claim, for your emotional being but that caring always comes at a price. I have never been to see a shrink [ and, I know that many people benefit from seeing someone ] but the tales of woe that I have heard steer me towards a very negative  opinion of the profession. I have heard the stories of a sudden breakthrough in the patient, only to be stifled because the time is up and we must address this issue at our next session. What? The patient has had an awakening and you do not pursue it because the money meter for the hour is up? The doctor then is sending a mentally fragile person in the world with his or her mind unshackled of emotional blockage, who is now vulnerable to depresssion. I'm willing to bet that a lot of suicides happen because the demons are running unchecked after a visit to a shrink......... The drug companies sure love depression. It seems like most of the population is hopped up on some kind of anti-depressive. That is fine with some folks who need to have a mood stabilizer. Still, many people are on this medicine like Prozac, who should not be on it. Another reason I hate psychiatrists is that most have become like a drug dealer, freely dispensing this miracle drug to control the moods of the population. Once again, this is ok for some but not for everyone. I see kids, little kids under ten, being told that there is a problem with depression and the child must be on Prozac or some other drug. They use terms like ''ADD'' to justify where they think your child is in danger. My question has always been, why not let the child be a little depressed? Why must the sad feelings of life be suppressed? These feelings go hat in hand with joyous feelings. Shouldn't a child feel all angles in the emotional cycle to better deal with life? I believe so.At some point, reality will hit that child in the face and now you have a human being incapable of dealing with sadness, pain, and unfullfilled desires. And, then, you have some serious depressive problems.... What is the answer? My way of dealing with negativity in life has been to face it head-on, not retreating. If I am down, I allow myself to be down. I know me better than anyone else and sometimes the well of sadnessand depression must be visited. For me, this visit somehow recharges my system and gives me a fresh start on happiness. I do not look forward to being down in the dumps but my system has to feel the negative in order to march towards the positive. That is me. I accept the negative stigma that depression is as a learning tool. It gets me reaquainted with the sad in me. Many people do not want to acknowledge that sad exists, as if that is something to be ashamed of. I do not wallow in it but I face it as best as I can. Hopefully, it helps me grow into a better person........