Close Friends

I won't use names. Discretion is one of my main functions in life. I come from that long-ago time when a private life meant private. It wasn't polite to inquire about how much a person makes a year, what their house is worth, or, what they do in the bedroom. Many people tell me these things, but, I do not believe it is any of my business to invade a person's private life. Therefore, I will protect the innocent in this here blog and gingerly dance around without outing someone. That said, I have many friends I have had sex with....... Why state this? Well, as happens in my life, I was recently in a group of people at a bar. Some were young, others, like me, were fighting along the battlefield of middle-age. Sex is always on the platter at a bar get together, ripe for discussion. The subject of having sex with a friend was brought up. The young whippersnappers all believed that it was impossible to keep friendship and sex separate. I replied, no it was not. Many women I have as friends started out as sexual encounters and blossomed from there into straight friendship. And, the opposite has happened. Friends at first became sexual partners and then returned again as friends. The youngsters were stunned. That is not possible!!! Sex always ruins a friendship!!!........... No, it does not. Maybe, at their age it does. In your twenties, when you are really starting to have serious relationships for the first time, the lines between intimacy and friendship are very blurred. You are still very young and experimenting. When someone tries all of the items at the dinner table, he or she will hurt some feelings and ruin some relationships. That is common among the young. They are not mature enough to appreciate the moment and the realization that the people in your life now will not always be there. With maturity comes wisdom. And, you use that wisdom to define and work at who is the most important to you. When that is made clear, then you dedicate yourself to that love affair or that friendship. Feelings of your love for a person spill over between the two. By the time you are middle-age, you should have a good person or two that is also an extension of yourself. If you have many, God Bless. But, quality is more important than quantity........ Now, definition is the heart of having sex with a friend. If the subject is brought up logically and slowly, the pieces fall in line. Two friends should never start intimacy because you were both blasted out of your mind and let the hormones kick in. That is the warning sign and where many friendships break apart. Liquor is the most dangerous area to bring into the discussion. It must be from two clear minds. Because you are taking your feelings for each other in this new area, there should be no misunderstanding. Are we just doing this to get our rocks off or are we thinking this might be a positive new road for us?......... If it is purely sexual, then that is fine. I would rather my good female friends have sex with someone they trust, who will treat them well and with love and care, then some joker that was picked up at a party or a bar. They will give you sex, but, not the kind of sex you need. You are lonely and filled with a need to be loved. You want not only the orgasm but the person to hold you afterwords, with real feeling. Snuggling close to someone you care about is just as important as getting laid. More so, I believe. The action has ceased physically. But, the caring and love continue. In anything, after sex, you need that caring and love more. Ask yourself this, after you have had that first encounter with someone new and they have left, who is the first person you tell about this to? Perhaps, family. But, more likely, a close friend. Why? Because you value them and what they have to say. Sometimes, that call is not necessary because that person is the one holding you at that moment......... As we all know, sex with someone you love is vastly superior to someone you don't know. Sex becomes lovemaking. And, a friend, who understands your fears and your needs, is a good person to administer that lovemaking....... There is also some laughs. How can you not laugh among the two of you when you think about what you are about to do or have done. Laughing is fine. It releases good emotions in your bodies and also puts a little welcome reality to the situation. ''Can you believe we are about to do this? Ha!''........Most friendship hookups do come back for the need to alleviate loneliness. You need comfort and understanding. You need a close friend to share their caring with you and make a friend feel better. The media has snidely added the catchy nickname of ''Friends With Benefits'', as if two friends sharing their love for each other should be mocked by a hip name attached to it. No, if you call what you are having by that name, it will end badly for you. That means you are following what others do and try to label it as such. The true purpose is lost and then you risk bad feelings and that misunderstanding. No name for what you are doing needs to be attached. If one does, then use love. That speaks volumes....... I guess that now is the time to state that many female friends of mine I have not been intimate with. Some, I believe, it is good just to keep at a friendship level. I recognize that bringing lovemaking into the friendship could wipe out that friendship. And, the women realize it also......... In the final analysis, I believe that love for a friend is no different than love for a partner or your family. It all is sprung from the same well in my soul. True love and understanding for the people you care about. It all runs together as I get older. And, as we go into these cold months, sometimes you need a good friend to keep you warm........