The First Kiss

She was an angel who never saw her own beauty. She knew, that even though sightless, she had the inner glow that makes a person shine. It was an innate feeling, full of love and joy. She may only be thirteen, but, she was in a class by herself... There were pangs of what she did not have. She was told she was ''special''. It is an awful term. It means society believes she should be treated as ''normal'', but, the irony is that the very same people who demanded the equality are also damning her. She did not want that. What she wanted was a kiss... Most boys and girls have their first kiss around the dawn of adolescence. The age various in some people, but, it is the teenage years. Some are aggressive in this pursuit, some are shy. This girl, Mary, was in the middle... When she was five, Mary asked her mother what various things looked like. Mary was blind since birth, she had no concept on what shapes and forms looked like. Colors, whatever they were, had no meaning for her. It all ran together for her-- at one point she asked her mother what the wind looked like. When you have no reference, you are an open book. Mary felt love a child feels for their parents, but, she still could not fathom what she was loving. This is where her soul came forward to speak. When you can't see, you can't judge good or bad, beautiful or ugly, skin color or ethnic background-- therefore, she was pure love... It was the life she knew. There was no sorrow-- perhaps, a sad longing sometimes to be free of her imprisonment. She knew her friends could roam about in childhood freedom, but, she was held back by fate. That was ok. However, she longed to see herself. She often wondered if that thing called ''beautiful'' was something she might be. She hoped so, because all of the things she had ever heard about people said that they all judge a person based upon how they looked. This ''looks'' thing must be very important. Mary didn't understand why. Was it not more important how ''beautiful'' someone was as a person than how they looked?... Still, the kiss was important to her. She knew her lips were involved. Mary hoped that the lips she would feel would be just as soft as her own. And, there was the hope that the strong feeling she possessed would come back to her in the boy. Not any sexual feeling, because she was too young for that, she knew. Rather, a connection between between a boy her age and herself. A connection of goodness and impulse. A connection of trust and deep feeling. A connection of that would build hope to her future. Mary wasn't looking for love, but, a first step on that bridge to love someday. Mary decided on her friend Bobby to be that first kiss... There were five close friends of Mary's that she had in her life. They had been also classified as being ''special''. Though she had never seen them, she felt her friends souls. They were good for her. They accepted her as one of their own. There was no judgment because they, in a way, were as one. But, from the first time she met him a year ago, Bobby got to her the most. Bobby was also thirteen, two months older than Mary, so, he seemed more worldly. Bobby was funny. In the group she was in Bobby was the joker. The other kids were a grateful audience. Mary loved to laugh. When Bobby would do his weird impressions of their teachers Mary thought she would never stop laughing. The teachers were all nice, but, Bobby would take the mickey out of them-- never to their faces, of course. He was respectful and polite. Besides, there was never any real malice behind the jokes, it was just Bobby being himself. He was sweet and gentle with her. Maybe, he sensed a kindred spirit with her that he did not find with the others in their group. Even though he was not blind, Bobby had his ''special'' problem. The wheelchair he was in attested to that... Bobby was born healthy. He lived an active childhood until around the age of eleven. Then his body began to betray him. His muscles refused to work for him anymore. Finally, he was diagnosed with some long name disease he could not pronounce. The nickname for the disease was named after some old baseball player-- ''Lou Gehrig's Disease''. Apparently, Bobby told Mary, this disease would slowly kill him. There was no cure. For the last few years, Bobby was called ''special'' from other kids. He watched from his bedroom window as other boys from his neighborhood played ball and ran after each other, like he used to. Bobby told Mary that he saw the faces on other people pretending not to notice he was in a wheelchair. Bobby caught the teases and taunts from some cruel kids who picked on him because he could not stand. Still, he developed a remarkable sense of humor that won everyone over. He was truly good-hearted and kind--traits he shared with his friend Mary. That his life was not long to be did not seem to bother him. He wanted to do what he could before time ran out on him.... Mary knew Bobby wanted to kiss a girl. And, Bobby was smitten with her. He thought Mary was all sunshine and sweetness, a beauty, inside and out. Bobby read a lot, he was quite advanced in the art of romance in his dreams. And, Bobby loved that smile of hers!! That smile that came so readily when she looked at him... One day, it happened. The two of them were alone together, talking easily with each other, as they always did. Mary and Bobby could tell each other anything, so, the topic of the first kiss was not embarrassing at all. They both said they wanted the other to be that first one. No one else would do. Then they started to giggle. ''Well, one of us has to make the first move'' said Mary. Bobby took her face in his hands and felt her skin. As he did this, Mary felt a sensation go through her system. It was part fear, to be sure, but, also a glorious feeling of love. Bobby then moved closer to her lips and they touched... The kiss lasted maybe a minute, but, for both of them it felt like centuries. Because this was a kiss made up of caring and love and protection for each other.... It was ''special''....

Money Turns To Art

Mario Puzo needed money. He was a man with little money but expensive tastes. He had a large brood of kids, and an adoring wife. He was a small-time magazine writer who had published two critically acclaimed novels. The books, however, sold poorly and he was fighting his debts. The editor of his last novel, ''The Fortunate Pilgrim'', told him that the best part of that book was his small section on the Mafia. Maybe, said the editor, that might be a good subject for his next book? Puzo was intrigued. He was not a member of the Mob, but, he knew a lot of stories. Puzo was also, by his own admission, rather lazy. For three years, he worked on anything but the Mob book. Finally, with his deadline for turning in the manuscript approaching, he finished what he thought was ok, but, not great writing. It would do. All that was missing was a title. It was called ''Mafia''. He had a another title he was kicking around: ''The Godfather''... Paramount Pictures needed money. By the late Sixties, its fortunes had sunk to a new low of debt and in-fighting. The once mighty studio was in danger of being closed down completely. In desperation, a rather dark figure named Charlie Bluhdorn bought the studio. Bluhdorn was a man experienced in the art of grey money. He was, quite frankly, a crook. The money he was fronting was Mafia dough being cleansed for legitimate reasons. Bluhdorn hired a failed actor named Robert Evans to run the studio. One gambler hiring another sharpie. Many criticized the selection, but, Evans was eager to show his stuff. One day, his assistant, Peter Bart, showed him a promising novel outline by a writer named Puzo. It was all Mob-- right up Evans alley. Evans called Puzo in and bought the screen rights to his unpublished book for peanuts. Puzo said he didn't like the ''Mafia'' title. He much preferred the other name. Evans agreed and a deal was struck. Paramount would make the book into a movie later--if it was still in business. The deal, like many in Hollywood, was just another deal. Paramount soon forgot about the book. It had other worries to deal with.... Francis Ford Coppola needed money. He was young, around 30, with a young family, and, enormous ambition. He could not wait to show the world his talent. A wonderful mixture of insecurity and bravado, Coppola was truly a gifted artist. He graduated from UCLA as the most promising student of their film department. He had cracked open the door for his generation of talented filmmakers eager to take over the film industry.  He was a screenwriter-- the film ''Patton'' was one of his early scripts. Coppola's plan, as he told everyone, was to become a part of the establishment and get real Hollywood power. Then, he would revolutionize the business. Francis Coppola was always a dreamer. That was why people loved him. That dream led him to direct his first three movies, ''You're A Big Boy Now'', ''Finians Rainbow'', and ''The Rain People''. The first and the third were his own creations, but, ''Finians Rainbow'' was a studio production. He hated the experience of that movie. He much preferred to do his own movies than to work for a studio. Sadly, for Coppola, all three films died a quick death at the box office. Coppola was also trying to start his own small film studio in San Francisco with his best friend, George Lucas. They did, but, it was a dream filled with broken dreams and financial turmoil. Soon, Coppola was in debt to close to a million dollars, which he didn't have. He was still a hot screenwriter, so, Hollywood kept calling him. He hoped one project would come along to save his dream.... Marlon Brando needed money. By the early 1970's, he was viewed by many in Hollywood as damaged goods. He had broken into the national consciousness in the early 1950's with a string of extraordinary performances that changed the form of acting. ''A Streetcar Named Desire'', ''Viva Zapada,'' ''The Wild One,'' and ''On The Waterfront''-- all of these films are rightly called classics. Brando had brought an intensity to acting that had never been seen before, and, from then on, would never be the same again. He influenced everyone who followed-- from James Dean to Jack Nicholson to Robert DeNiro. He was an uncontrollable force onscreen. Also, offscreen. Notorious to work with. He was, by turns, moody and charming, dedicated and uncaring, generous to work with and a pain in the ass. But, he shined brightly in the 50's and his behavior was tolerated as long as he provided the green for the studios. His luck ran out in the 60's. His reputation caught up with him and the public turned against him, refusing to go to his movies anymore. By the end of the decade, he was heavily in debt and caught in a trap of making bad movies. He needed a role to bring him back to the forefront of acting.... In March of 1969, the small book, ''The Godfather'', was released. It sold well initially. Mario Puzo, although still thinking he could have written it better, was happy. His debts would be settled and he could provide a good life for his family... Paramount had almost forgotten about owning the rights to this book. The studio was mired in other affairs and projects at the time. Suddenly, someone remembered that they had a potential money-maker. So, Robert Evans began putting together the screen version of this book. He hired an average producer named Albert Ruddy, and offered the directing job to all the top directors he knew.... Francis Coppola never got that call. He was still unproven as a director, so, he was very low on Evans list of choices. Coppola read the book--or, tried to. He got a hundred pages into it and put it down. The early parts with the family showed promise, but, the book suddenly got cheap and sleazy when the story shifted to the Hollywood scenes. Coppola wasn't interested in doing a project like that... Marlon Brando's secretary received a letter from some author named Puzo. The letter said that he had just written this new book called ''The Godfather'', and he was requesting that Brando read the novel. Apparently, Puzo had Brando in mind to play the Godfather. The secretary passed along the message. Brando was polite. He was not interested. He said he did not think he could play a Mafia Don.... To the amazement of everyone involved, the book took off. It became a sensation--everyone seemed to be reading it. Mario Puzo made a deal with Paramount to adapt the book into a screenplay. He was given instructions by the studio that did not sit right with him. They wanted him to update the story to the current era of the 1970's. That way, Paramount could cast its hot stars, whether they were appropriate or not... Paramount instantly owned the Hope Diamond of books, but, the studio felt like someone holding a big check that no one wanted to cash. No director of note would work on the movie-- afraid of its subject matter. Desperate for someone to direct, Robert Evans contacted the struggling screenwriter named Coppola to do it. He wasn't sure Coopola could, but, at least Francis was Italian... Francis Coppola was still not interested. He wanted to concentrate on his own projects, not a studio project. So, he turned down Paramount's initial offers a couple of times. Finally, he was strongly advised by his friend George Lucas to direct. ''Francis'', said Lucas, ''We are broke. You have to take this . It will save the company''. Coppola finally relented and said yes... Marlon Brando still had not read the novel, although he was being pressured to do so by many people around him. Finally, he started to read it. He could not put it down. He was fascinated by the story and its indictment of the capitalist world of business. He loved the character of Don Vito Corleone. He sent word to everyone that he desperately wanted to play the part if the studio would allow it. He realized he would also need a strong director to fight for him in the role... Paramount hated Coppola's ideas immediately. He told them that he wanted to keep the ''Godfather'' story in the 1940's setting, like in the book. When he and Mario Puzo met, the two agreed that this was the correct approach. They hit it off immediately-- two fun-loving Italians who were dreamers. They had similar ideas on how to do the movie. Number one was that Marlon Brando should play the Godfather. Paramount was not buying the idea. Brando, to them, was ''Box Office Poison''. Coppola fought Evans tooth and nail for Brando. These fights between these two became legendary in Hollywood lore. In a memorable showdown with the Board Of Directors of Paramount, Coppola pleaded his case for hiring Brando. At the apex of his speech, Coppola collapsed on the floor. Several people in the room still insist that Coppola had some type of epileptic seizure, but, Coppola denies this. Finally, it was decided that there would conditions to hiring Brando.... 1. He would be paid a small salary. 2. Brando must put up a bond to the studio if any of his bad behavior causes problems during filming. 3. Brando must audition.... Coppola quickly agreed. He later stated he was in a pickle on how to ask the World's Greatest Actor to audition. Coppola called Brando and, to his surprise, found that Brando was unsure if he could pull off the role. Coppola saw his opening to kill two birds with one stone. He suggested to Brando that he, Coppola, would bring a small film crew to Brando's house and they could perform makeup tests and improvise to see if Brando could do it. Brando agreed... Coppola set up props in the living room. The film crew was ready when Brando came out of his bedroom. Immediately, he was in character. Mumbling and talking. He stuffed Kleenex in his mouth to fatten up his face [ Brando was not yet fat then]. He put shoe polish in his hair. In a matter of minutes, this washed-up 47 year old actor was transformed into a 65 year old Italian Mafia chief. Both Coppola and Brando knew Brando had hit a home run.... To their credit, Paramount approved Brando after seeing the screen test. The other conditions were dropped and Marlon Brando had the role.... Now, for the role of Michael Corleone, Paramount wanted stars like Robert Redford and Ryan O'Neal for the part. Francis Coppola wanted a little known actor named Al Pacino. Paramount gave Coppola the same strong ''No'' it gave to his idea of casting Brando. Francis Coppola knew that another round of fighting awaited him when he went forward with his idea of Pacino.... Al Pacino wanted the role..... He needed money.....

Giving Out Justice

It was a simple pleasure, but, Leno liked doing it. He would get the Sunday paper early on Saturday, and, then he and his wife would lounge around in their pajamas and read it leisurely. It wasn't the most exciting thing to do, but, since they were in their mid-40's it was what life was about for them. That is how it is as you grow older and slow down the wild times. Calm and peaceful living is the preferred speed. The rest of the world seemed crazy anyway. Here, in the rich suburb of Los Angeles called Sherman Oaks, its crazy denizons and weirdos seemed a world away. Let them stay there... Leno and his wife, Rosemary, just returned late Saturday night/early Sunday morning from the lake. They loved boating with the family on that beautiful boat of theirs. The family actually was her family. Rosemary had a previous marriage that did not work out, but, had sired children that Leno doted on. Rosemary had been a bellhop when she met Leno. He was a successful owner of a supermarket chain when he courted her. They fell in love, and, with her children became a family unit. And, they were a happy family. Not perfect-- no family is-- but, they stuck together as the madness of the times spread around them. That early Sunday morning, after dropping her daughter off at her home, Leno settled in to read the family paper and Rosemary prepared for bed. All was calm and normal. Then The Devil came to the house.... The Devil broke in somehow with his Helper. Exactly how has never been established. They got in, though. The Devil tied Leno and Rosemary up and told them he was there to rob them. They would not be hurt. Just cooperate and all would be fine. Then The Devil went outside to talk to his ''girls''. There were four of them. Only two were needed in the house to assist the Helper. Whatever calm Leno and Rosemary LaBianca may have felt when they were told they would only be robbed was short-lived. The Manson girls--- Patricia Krenwinkel and Leslie Van Houton went into the house where the Helper, Charles ''Tex'' Watson was waiting for them. The Devil was driving away with his two other girls in the car, Susan Atkins and Linda Kasabian. Before he drove away, Charles Manson told the three to go ''get their hands dirty''. They followed his commands to a T.... The bodies were found the next day by Rosemary's daughter and son. The human carnage was shocking. Both Leno and Rosemary had been butchered in an inhuman way. Leno was in the living room, his newspaper lying on the table in front of him. He had been stabbed countless times. There was a carving knife sticking out of his stomach among his many wounds. The word ''War'' had been carved into his abdomen. Upstairs, Rosemary was found on the floor, a pillow case over her head and, twisted around her neck, was a lamp cord. She had been stabbed 41 times-- most of her wounds post-mortem. The killers, it was later learned, did not leave the premises right away. They each took turns showering. Then they played with the LaBianca's dogs. Then they made themselves something to eat. Before they finally left, they had one more task to do for their guru. It was to leave a message for the world to see. In the victim's blood they scrawled on the walls, ''Death To Pigs'', ''Arise'',  ''Political Piggies'', and, misspelled on the fridge, ''Healtor Skelter''... On top of the previous night's killing spree at the home of actress Sharon Tate Polanski-- where five were murdered in a similar way as the LaBianca's, including the eight and a half months pregnant Tate--- Los Angeles was thrown into a state of fear. No one was now safe. The murders at the Tate residence, as savage as they were, were somewhat rationalized as rich movie stars and some bizarre lifestyle they were living. The ''Beautiful People'' were the targets, not ordinary people. Now, everybody was a potential target for slaughter. And, there was good reason to be having that fear... Before Manson had picked the LaBianca house, he and his monsters had toured the city trying to pick off innocent victims for their bloodlust. They stopped at a church, intending to murder everyone in the church who happened to be there. However, the church was locked, so, they went elsewhere. At a stoplight, Manson got out of his car and advanced towards another car next to him waiting for the light to change. He planned on killing the driver right there, but, the light changed and the driver sped away. To this day, some unknown person in that car narrowly missed being a victim. Cruising neighborhood houses, Manson and his minions were about to enter a home when they spotted pictures on a piano of the owners kids. Manson said he didn't want to murder kids-- at least at that moment. Finally, he went back to the neighborhood he knew where a man named Harold True lived. Manson had attended a party at True's place the previous year, so, he knew the area well. The next door neighbors to Harold True was a family named LaBianca.... There was one other little trick the Manson Family liked to do to innocent people. It was called ''Creepy Crawling''. It consisted of the family all dressing in black at night. They would enter the home of complete strangers while the owners were there sleeping. Unaware that murderous mad men and women were walking among them watching them sleep, the ''Creepy Crawlers'' would move furniture around  and would watch the sleeping occupants closely, so, that if they woke up at anytime, then they could murder them for fun. At least, to anyone's knowledge, no murders took place during these night visits, but, it was a close shave for those enjoying their sleep.... For a fully detailed read on the horrors of those nights in August of 1969--- the Tate and LaBianca murders--- I highly recommend the superb book ''Helter Skelter'' by the man who prosecuted them, Vincent Bugliosi. This book will scare the hell out of you, mainly because the story is true... Why I tell these stories is tied into a conversation I had at a party the other night. The person I was talking to I did not know-- a friend of friend -- but, he was talking about the death penalty and why he was against it. The topic of the death penalty is not a volatile subject matter for most people like abortion and gun rights. However, it does pop up in public forums sometimes, and, the other night it was in front of me being discussed. He gave solid arguments about why he thought it was murder itself to kill anyone in prsion. I agreed with some of his theories, but, most I did not. Finally, after asking many people and getting no one to agree with his position, he asked me. I explained my position, saying I was not in favor of using it often , but, there were times when I thought it was a useful solution. Mainly, for murders and rapists and child molesters. I pointed out, though, that all evidence must be conclusive-- we do not want to execute people unless we have proven they did the crime. After the evidence has been proven, then punishment by death is a serious option I agree with. Mind you, I know I could never pull the switch or press the button to kill someone. That would have to come from someone else. I am not looking for murder for murder sake, just a form of final justice for all. The ultimate verdict will come from God. Send the animal to God and let God judge the scum... The guy still was not convinced, which is his right to be. He asked me how we can play God, a valid point. I said we cannot, but, in the Bible there is the old adage of an eye for an eye. There is also talk of redemption. Round and round it goes. It is my position and he has his. He asked me then how I came to believe what I believe. I told him the stories from above of the slaughter of the Tate/LaBianca victims. This is why I believe in the death penalty. The killing of these monsters. The killers, and Manson himself, all received the death sentence when they were convicted, but, it was overturned the following year when California abolished the death penalty. That is why we see the sickening parole hearings every few years with these people.... I told the guy at the party the other night I can debate the subject with him. But, Steven Parent, Abigail Folger, Wojciech Frykowski, Jay Sebring, Sharon Tate, Leno LaBianca, and, Rosemary LaBianca cannot....

The Samurai Comic

It is the most famous short film in the long history of ''Saturday Night Live''. It aired in March 1978. The film shows an old man riding by train to the cemetery. The man walks slowly, as the aged do. There is fresh snow on the ground and bright sunshine to light the day. After making his way through the snow, the old man stops at the graves of the people he once knew. These are his long-dead friends from his youth. The man speaks to the camera, in a low, gravelly voice, ''They all thought I'd be the first to go. I was one of those live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse types. Well, I guess they were wrong.'' And, with that, the old man talks a little about his friends as he stops at the individual graves. At the end, after placing a wreath on the grave of his best friend and business partner, Dan Aykroyd, he continues to address the camera. ''The Saturday Night show was the best experience of my life. Now, they are all dead and I miss every one of them. Why me? Why did I live so long?'' There is a pause-- ''Because I'm a dancer!!'' And, with that, John Belushi becomes younger. The short film ends with Belushi dancing on the graves of his friends while music is blasting away with him, defiantly laughing at death... Four years later, on March 5, 1982, John Belushi died of a combination of heroin and cocaine. He was, in fact, the first to go. He was just 33. Now, with the 30th anniversary of his death coming up in a few days, there will be rememberances of him and his work and his unfulfilled promise. There will be clips of his most famous ''SNL'' characters. The Blues Brothers. His Killer Bee[ which he hated]. His dead- on impressions of Marlon Brando, Truman Capote, Humphrey Bogart, and Joe Cocker. His Cocker impression was so spot-on, that when Joe Cocker actually appeared as a musical guest on the show, he and Belushi did a duet together, and, Belushi blew him away on stage. There was also his broad characters like Elizabeth Taylor choaking on a chicken bone, his gay pirate captain in the brilliant ''Raging Queen'' sketch, his ''Captain Kirk'' on the famous ''Star Trek'' parody,  and, most of all, his Samurai Warrior. After Joliet Jake Blues in The Blues Brothers, this was the character that captured the fancy of the public the most. There were dozens of these sketches in various locales, with the great Buck Henry as the comic foil. The best one was the ''Samurai Deli'' sketch. I will not ruin it for you if you have never seen it-- nothing ruins comedy more than people trying to describe why it was funny--but, YouTube the sketch and see John performing it. At one point, he throws a tomato in midair and slices it like a surgeon. All during rehearsals, Belushi would miss slicing it. On the air, when it counted the most, he was flawless. As his good friend Bill Murray stated, ''That is not luck, you know.''... John Belushi made such an impact on ''SNL'' during his four short years there, that, of all the people who have been on the show throughout the years, he is perhaps the one person most associated with the show.It is hard to imagine now, but, in the 70's , ''Saturday Night Live'' was a groundbreaking, hip show. In the press, the cast was called ''The Beatles Of Comedy''. Even The Beatles themselves were regular viewers. If they were like The Fab Four, then Belushi was their Lennon. Like John Lennon, John Belushi was a restless, brilliant, troubled soul, who displayed his raw talent to the public. And, the public took Belushi to its heart. In 1979, Belushi had the comedy trifecta going: the number one movie, ''Animal House, the number one album,  ''A Briefcase Full Of Blues'', and, the number one show, ''SNL''. No other entertainer had ever done that before--- or, since.... His characters seemed to jump out at the public and grab ahold of you. He represented the baby boomer generation and their unrest during the ''Woodstock'' area. The music of the 60's was the soundtrack of what was happening in the world then. By the 70's, music had died down and comedy took over. John Belushi--- and, other talented people of his generation-- took the banner of rebellion and proudly waved it in front of 40 million viewers every Saturday night. The old fashioned comedy of previous generations--- mother-in law jokes and silly sitcoms--- had been replaced by drug humor and aggressive anarchy. Belushi dared to challenge the status quo. Freedom of expression comedy. Dangerous comedy run amok. Do your own thing in life and snort every ounce of pleasure. Basically, live fast and die young. The music of the 60's had that same spirit, and, it is no coincidence that John Belushi wanted to be a rock star [ he did become one with Jake Blues] and, also, sadly, he died the rock star death: young, with drugs in his vains... There was, curiously, sweetness and human drama in his work. In ''Animal House'' you cared about his ''Bluto'' character. In the underrated movie, ''Continental Divide'' he switched gears and became a leading man. Certainly, not a traditional handsome leading man, but, rather, a  very appealing average guy who courts the girl he loves. Family and friends have always said that his character in this movie was who he really was. A big bear man, with a warm heart. John was married to his high school sweetheart, Judy Jacklin, and John also had an army of close friends who would have killed for him-- and, vice versa. They tried to keep John centered, led by Judy and Dan Aykroyd. And, for most of his life John was... The power he showed onstage and onscreen had to find an offstage outllet, however. The intensity he showed when he performed also steered him into the dark place in his soul that was his drug addiction. We know now, according to medical experts, that certain people are born with the gene of addiction. Be it drugs, alcohol, nicotine, food, or, sex, there are, sadly, some people who cannot control their own demons and fall victim to self--destruction. John Belushi was one of those people... By all accounts of his struggle with drugs, John Belushi was a major cocaine abuser. There are legendary stories about the amount of drugs he did and the endless partying. At first, as with all addictions, it was thought to be harmless. John was enjoying himself and it wasn't interfering with his life. Besides, the sweet John was there, who was also a joy to be around. He was fun 24/7. It was exciting to be around him. In due time, the demons rose in his soul and slowly ate away at him and his life, sapping his spirit. He was swallowed up by his dark side... I have no interest in the sordid drug stories. The only thing about his death I have an interest in is the waste. This man was supremely talented. He loved his wife and family and friends. He loved life. He did not want to die. The tragedy, as with all addicts who have a strong support system, is that it did not fill the empty hole in his being. After 30 years, I still think it is a damn shame that he died. He wanted to live, but, that was not his fate.... To write about someone as charismatic as John Belushi in this short blog is to only touch the surface of who he was. The work he did-- his best and most defining legacy-- is in the seven films he did and the DVD's of ''SNL''. And, all over the Internet. Check them out sometime, chances are that you have forgotten them, or, have never seen them before. You will see a performer on the comedy tightrope, working without a net. The sheer adrenaline of thrilling, no-holds barred performing... Anne Beatts was one of the original writers for ''SNL''. After John died, she spoke movingly about him, his decency and love, his work, and, about dying so young and the loss of what might have been for him. She also spoke of the short film he did for the show, ''Don't Look Back In Anger'', the film where he played the old man dancing on the graves. Anne Beatts finished her eulogy by saying, ''And, I promise you this: John WILL dance on our graves, somehow!!!!''''.....