November Boys

''Dear Johnny and Joey........ As always, it was wonderful getting together with what is left of our family for the holidays. The spirit of past family Christmas times has nicely settled on the present. I still look around for the ghosts of your Grandparents and Uncle Tom and Nana. They were in the room there, somewhere. We did not see them clearly, but, the sweet joy of their souls were swirling around us. They loved you both fiercely, as I do. I was thinking of them Christmas Eve, but, I was also thinking about you two........ I remember vividly the days you both were born. Johnny, you floated into the world in 1984, when your Uncle Jimmy was a mere eighteen. I did not have much experience with babies then. Most guys at that age do not. So, you were a bit of a mystery to me. How to hold you, what to do when you cried [ usually, babies want their Mom when they cry but you wanted to be held by anyone]. But, you hardly ever cried that I can think of. You always had a smile on that beautiful face of yours. Whomever walked into a room immediately wanted to pick you up and hold you. And, you never said no to that person. There you were, all fat and blond hair, being friendly and playful. You never whined, you never through fits. Happiness was all over you. And, that makes for a rising spirit of goodness for everyone around you. You were the first grandchild, so, of course, you were spoiled. If I didn't pay attention to you, you could easily go to your Uncle Tom for affection [ not an easy trick] and, certainly, your Gamma and Papa. Oh, how we spoiled you!!! I think of the day when you learned how to ride a bike. You would have thought that the Secret Service was guarding you. It was me, Papa, Uncle Tommy, and your Dad. We all were on the watch to make sure you didn't hurt yourself. And, you didn't. Like everything else in life, you picked up on it and excelled. I also think of Christmas time at your grandparents. The stack of presents were up high, all awaiting you opening them. The look of joy and happiness when you did open them has forever stayed in my mind's eye. As usual, you appreciated all of the gifts and thanked all of us. Your parents always, from the start, taught you good manners. You had your toys, the cars, the games, your little container of Pez candy, and most importantly to you, your valued walks with Papa down the block to see the big rock. You were a happy child who made the rest of the family glow. When, in 1989, you were presented with a younger brother, we all wondered on how you would take no longer being the center of attention. True to form, you took it calmly, in stride with your personality. You had a hell of a lot of patience with your younger brother. As we all had to...... Joey, as we have told you many times, you were a pain in the ass. Born five years after your brother, and like Johnny, a November baby, at times, I thought you were a howling demon from the Devil himself. Miserable. Always wanting only your Mom to hold you. That was a good choice, but, some of the rest of us wanted to nestle you in our arms, too. You would have none of that. You were lucky kid that, like your older brother, you were a beautiful baby. You had big cheeks and beautiful dark hair. As time wore on, and, your war with the rest of humanity touching you receded, your personality and joy came forward. And, that was worth the wait!! From the start, you made your presence known. I can recall that the Scoleri sense of humor seemed to be with you even at the age of three. A favorite family story is when, one time at your house, your Dad sent you to your room for being bad [ you had a hell of a temper, kid]. You did not want to go and finally your Dad took you in there and closed the door. Your Dad came back to the living room to talk to us again. That is when you whirled out of your room, came into the living room, looked at your Dad, and shouted at the top of your lungs at him, ''You fucker!'' and stormed off. Well, the room broke into hysterics. Obviously, you should not have called him that. But, I remember thinking that this kid has some balls. And, a rebellious streak. He is a Scoleri!!! As you grew up I was very happy to see the bond you and your brother had for each other. He looked out for you and you very much idolized him. That is a bond you two seemed to have taken with you both into adulthood. Being the baby in the family, Joey, as I can tell you, sure has its perks. You can get away with a lot of stuff that your siblings cannot. Your Mom and Dad were strict with Johnny, but, you got away with so much. It is cool, isn't it??!!! As you grew older, I observed a caring and love of all things that is very rare for someone your age. You take people as they are, no judging. I admire that but you have to be careful because some people deserve that judgment against them. But, your heart was open. And, I like that open heart. Your eyes sparkle with life and all it entails. I have, as other people in the family have commented on, noticed that you have many of my traits in your personality. You are good with people, see the world through the filter of humor, and make friends easily. I also see that you like your beverages and the ladies. Good, but, be careful you don't overdue both. And, stay away from strippers......... You have to forgive your Uncle here, guys. Sometimes, I find it difficult to believe that you both are men of the world. I still consider you runts running around the Christmas tree, begging all of us to let you open the gifts early. But, those days are long gone and you are men now. Good, solid, kind men. I am very proud of how you both turned out. You both would never hurt a fly. You both have matured into the type of person the world needs more of. You both are terrific fathers---- Johnny with Jordan and Aiden. Joey with the mighty Manny---- and I know the sweet spirit of your souls is in theirs also. I am no longer young, forty-eight people tell me, and your Mom is not also. We are not planning on going anywhere soon. But, I wanted to take this moment to officially hand off the family baton with you both. This is your quick pep talk about your duties that are expected of you both as you move through life. Never lose the sense of family. The Scoleri family has always been a good and decent family. We do not harm anyone. We always look out for the underdog. As you both are experiencing being out in the world now, there are many people out there that are ruthless and cutthroat. They would sell their mother's down the river for a healthy profit and gladly never bat an eye in guilt or shame. The family has never been part of this group. As your Uncle I expect you both to follow the family tradition of honor and loyalty and decency. Never be swayed by the dark forces out there. Your Papa always gave out sound advice. One thing I always remember him saying is ''Always be yourself. Never let anyone change whom you really are''. You will come across situations in life when you may cross that line of whom you are and are swayed to do bad things. This is not the Scoleri way. You two, in time, will be the living history of all that this family has been. And, I expect you both to obey the laws of our family heritage and bloodline. Never let anyone change you. Never hurt or disrupt another human being in life. That would go against your natural way of the goodness that swims in your souls. I have no doubts about you too and what road you will choose in life. It is the road that we all, in the family, have chosen. There will be some bumps, to be sure. Sometimes, it seems like you may have chosen wrong. You have not. Stay true to your goodness. It is whom you really are and you will have a much more rewarding life living this way. Try to make a healthy profit, yes, but never damn your soul by doing it. Ok, pep talk over....... I love you guys!! You make my life so much more enriching being around you. Thank you for being the men that you are!!! You make me very proud to call you my nephews!!!!......... Love, Uncle Jimmy''.........

Close Friends

I won't use names. Discretion is one of my main functions in life. I come from that long-ago time when a private life meant private. It wasn't polite to inquire about how much a person makes a year, what their house is worth, or, what they do in the bedroom. Many people tell me these things, but, I do not believe it is any of my business to invade a person's private life. Therefore, I will protect the innocent in this here blog and gingerly dance around without outing someone. That said, I have many friends I have had sex with....... Why state this? Well, as happens in my life, I was recently in a group of people at a bar. Some were young, others, like me, were fighting along the battlefield of middle-age. Sex is always on the platter at a bar get together, ripe for discussion. The subject of having sex with a friend was brought up. The young whippersnappers all believed that it was impossible to keep friendship and sex separate. I replied, no it was not. Many women I have as friends started out as sexual encounters and blossomed from there into straight friendship. And, the opposite has happened. Friends at first became sexual partners and then returned again as friends. The youngsters were stunned. That is not possible!!! Sex always ruins a friendship!!!........... No, it does not. Maybe, at their age it does. In your twenties, when you are really starting to have serious relationships for the first time, the lines between intimacy and friendship are very blurred. You are still very young and experimenting. When someone tries all of the items at the dinner table, he or she will hurt some feelings and ruin some relationships. That is common among the young. They are not mature enough to appreciate the moment and the realization that the people in your life now will not always be there. With maturity comes wisdom. And, you use that wisdom to define and work at who is the most important to you. When that is made clear, then you dedicate yourself to that love affair or that friendship. Feelings of your love for a person spill over between the two. By the time you are middle-age, you should have a good person or two that is also an extension of yourself. If you have many, God Bless. But, quality is more important than quantity........ Now, definition is the heart of having sex with a friend. If the subject is brought up logically and slowly, the pieces fall in line. Two friends should never start intimacy because you were both blasted out of your mind and let the hormones kick in. That is the warning sign and where many friendships break apart. Liquor is the most dangerous area to bring into the discussion. It must be from two clear minds. Because you are taking your feelings for each other in this new area, there should be no misunderstanding. Are we just doing this to get our rocks off or are we thinking this might be a positive new road for us?......... If it is purely sexual, then that is fine. I would rather my good female friends have sex with someone they trust, who will treat them well and with love and care, then some joker that was picked up at a party or a bar. They will give you sex, but, not the kind of sex you need. You are lonely and filled with a need to be loved. You want not only the orgasm but the person to hold you afterwords, with real feeling. Snuggling close to someone you care about is just as important as getting laid. More so, I believe. The action has ceased physically. But, the caring and love continue. In anything, after sex, you need that caring and love more. Ask yourself this, after you have had that first encounter with someone new and they have left, who is the first person you tell about this to? Perhaps, family. But, more likely, a close friend. Why? Because you value them and what they have to say. Sometimes, that call is not necessary because that person is the one holding you at that moment......... As we all know, sex with someone you love is vastly superior to someone you don't know. Sex becomes lovemaking. And, a friend, who understands your fears and your needs, is a good person to administer that lovemaking....... There is also some laughs. How can you not laugh among the two of you when you think about what you are about to do or have done. Laughing is fine. It releases good emotions in your bodies and also puts a little welcome reality to the situation. ''Can you believe we are about to do this? Ha!''........Most friendship hookups do come back for the need to alleviate loneliness. You need comfort and understanding. You need a close friend to share their caring with you and make a friend feel better. The media has snidely added the catchy nickname of ''Friends With Benefits'', as if two friends sharing their love for each other should be mocked by a hip name attached to it. No, if you call what you are having by that name, it will end badly for you. That means you are following what others do and try to label it as such. The true purpose is lost and then you risk bad feelings and that misunderstanding. No name for what you are doing needs to be attached. If one does, then use love. That speaks volumes....... I guess that now is the time to state that many female friends of mine I have not been intimate with. Some, I believe, it is good just to keep at a friendship level. I recognize that bringing lovemaking into the friendship could wipe out that friendship. And, the women realize it also......... In the final analysis, I believe that love for a friend is no different than love for a partner or your family. It all is sprung from the same well in my soul. True love and understanding for the people you care about. It all runs together as I get older. And, as we go into these cold months, sometimes you need a good friend to keep you warm........