Old Loves And Phone Calls

It is nice to be missed. The other night, out of the blue, I received a phone call from an old girlfriend. This call, totally unexpected, kinda threw me for a loop. Not because I did not want to hear from her. Quite the contrary. I like hearing from old flames of whom I still hold so much affection for. I am an old softie beneath my verbal bravado. I am urgently romantic and believe in romance. So, when this call came I gratefully took a step back in history in my mind and shared our memories of our time together,,,,,,, But, I have done this many times before. Several months ago, the same thing happened. A phone call from a long-ago love. And, there have been previous attempts to reach me from old galpals. My point is that I am happy to hear from them and am glad that they are happy [ most seem to be, a few not so much]. I still love the women who have been in my life, always will. For I don't fall out of love. Rather, I transfer that love to another part of my soul. The part that loves those who are no longer in my life but are forever in my heart........ I tell you this because I am a lucky man. I have never broken up bitterly with a woman. Sadly, yes. Regretfully, of course. You don't know what you've got until you lose it. However, there are smiles mixed in with the tears of parting. And, this makes me feel good. I don't ever want hate to spoil the wonder of my love for another human being....... I am no easy ride as a mate. I can be moody, difficult, and a pain in the ass if I am not happy with a circumstance. And, I try not to take it out on the woman I am with. But, I sincerely try not to let my mood dictate a relationship. The understanding girlfriends give me my space and let me be in a bad mood. They know my good side will come out soon enough........ I hear the horror stories of love gone bad. Of the once ideal love that will last forever shattering into little pieces in a divorce court or a police station. I know of one guy who found out that his wife was cheating on him with the neighbor. She walked out on the husband [ and, the neighbor ] disowned her small children, and high tailed it out of town, but, not before fleecing the husband of half of his money [ California= half communal property] and forcing the poor schmuck to file for bankruptcy........ I don't have these stories. The women I part with have no hate in them for me. Disappointment? I am sure. Not living up to their expectations of me? Yes. But, never cruelty or malice. Perhaps, because there really has been no money involved when I break up with someone, there is not that darkness to go for the jugular. I treat women fairly well, I must say. I am faithful. I am caring. And, unlike many men I have known, I don't secretly hate women. I admire them and am glad to learn from them........ I have never understood the battle of the sexes between men and women. One side is always trying to get the upperhand of the other. Why? Is one side better or smarter than the other? Not really. If one side feels superior to the other, than there is a problem with ego and temperament. The plain fact is that both men and women do things equally good and bad. And, the secret to any relationship is that you both learn from each other and help one another [''Yes, honey, I leave it up to you in this case because you are stronger in this area of expertise than me.''] That is not putting yourself down or putting your partner up, but, it is covering the cracks that always threaten a relationship. If all sides are manned by both parties, you may have a great thing going........ When a call comes from the past, there is always the stirring of sadness of what might have been had fate chosen circumstances differently. In these conversations I can hear between the words of the memories spoken. The feeling of lost dreams of a love affair that was not going to end. No heart ever recovers from a broken heart. You carry that feeling until the day you die. But, underneath that broken heart there is a sweetness. And, that sweetness is tied into the feeling of knowing that another person made you feel alive, gave you a passion that you never knew was there. It is the feeling we hear about in songs and dream about with our fondest wishes. Love has no equal, even love that is not long-lasting......... And, these thoughts come to my mind when I hear the voice on the phone. Like many people, I have broken up with someone, and down the line, tried to rekindle a spark of the old affection. Or, if the rules are defined, a reigniting of a sexual equal....... One short term-love I had invited me over for a little fun while her husband was out of town. I enjoyed an egotistical male moment when I put on one of the condoms from his unused pack and it was too small on me!!!!.......Another woman I loved deeply--- my greatest love, so far---- texted me out of the blue a few years back. She has moved on with married life and is very happy but still thinks of me with fondness. Also, Jimmy here, proudly points out, during moments of sexual fantasy. I laughed mightily during this exchange. I thought, ''Her hubby may have her in many areas of infatuation but she thinks of me in the nitty gritty!!!'' That is called getting even, folks!!!!........ But, these last two stories are ego moments. The greater whole is that I feel good when I hear how much they miss me and talk about me to the people in their lives [ Boy, that must make their husbands and boyfriends real happy!] It shows me that I did well, or, as well as I could, when they were in my life. Before they close their eyes the last time prior to death, I hope, as they look back on what love gave them, that I gave them a smile and a good feeling. If you cannot be with them physically, be with them fondly emotionally. I have that feeling about them........ And, it is a nice feeling........