Drunken Randon Thoughts: November 2014

Oh, I'm hammered!!!! Delightfully so!!!! A cold, dark afternoon, where I was planning to spend at church, suddenly, swerved off into the nearest taproom. I called a gal pal friend of mine and soon we were floating in steady streams of vodka. Now, many hours later, after appreciating each other in the physical sense, she is blissfully snoring away here in the middle of the night. And, myself? Well, I passed out for a few hours into a restless drunken slumber. You know those drunk sleeps, right? You toss and turn, and the sweat from the body toxins finds its way to the surface. After peeing AGAIN, I decided to try a little experiment with myself. Normally, most experiments with myself involve, well, never you mind, missy!!! But, I thought I would write a blog in the throes of a downward slide from a drunken night and I would see what would come of it. The following will be thoughts from a sodden mind, uncensored, for the viewing public....... Boy, this broad can snore!!! It is more breathing from the mouth---- which gives the pillow she is using a nice bath--- but it is noise. Because she is a friend I will not embarrass her with revealing her name. Discretion is my code [ It took many years but I finally have a code!! ]. She is a blonde princess lying there. All peaceful, joyful innocence. You wouldn't believe in the quiet of this room a few hours ago that we were swearing at each other with complete abandon during out mattress exercise. Christ, I think we invented new sexual phrases for the masses to use!!!! Oh, well. A splendid time was had, despite my raw genitals....... Before I started this blog entry I took a spin around this Internet thing. I came across a story about the JFK assassination. It is November, and it is written in the media gospel that we must bring up Kennedy and Dallas and who killed him. Yeah, I am interested in who did do it. I wrote a blog about it last year. It is the ultimate mystery for our times. But, enough with the speculative programs. Just tell me who did it so we can close the chapter. Or, better yet, here is your killer. I DID IT!!!! I flew down to Dallas, fucked Jackie Kennedy seven ways from Sunday, JFK walked in wearing Marilyn Monroe's panties, and yelled at me that I would be deported or be forced to sleep with one of his ugly sisters if I wasn't careful. In a rage, I vowed revenge and called my buddies, Lee Harvey Oswald, Jack Ruby, and Paul Lynde to come help me take the rich boy out. We shot him from the back and front ---- Lynde was for the rear entry---- and escaped into the night. Ok? Satisfied? You now have the answer!!! Now, no more stories about JFK and the assassination.......... The snoring is getting louder......... I just went outside to get a clear breath of arctic air in me. It is cold out there. Not as cold as Joan Rivers, but cold. And, let me focus in on this thought. I hated this bitch. I am glad she is dead. Yeah, too bad for her family---- I think the only family she had left was the inbred looking daughter, Melissa. But, so what? I give her about as much sympathy as she did when she was skewering the famous for their sad misfortune. Now, I like a lot of naughty humor myself and I am always in the mood for a joke about a dead person, so, that is not the point. The point is that she made a name for herself taking these cheap shots at famous people so she could be noticed. That is fine. She is not the only person in show business history that has done this. So, it is highly appropriate that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. You play with fire, you are gonna get burned. Therefore, I feel it is very much needed to take cheap shots at her and her death. She did it when she was alive and had no remorse. I return the compliment back to her. A little bit of God showing Karma, Joanie. After all, to quote a great sage, ''God don't like ugly!''.......... When do you, once you are in a real relationship, break the ultimate barrier and start farting in front of each other? This has been a problem that has confounded the great minds from Alexander The Great to Socrates to Jerry Lewis. The beginning of any relationship is walking on pins and needles. You only want to see the good in a person, not the bad. So, once you are going strong, you let things about the real you slide out. And, nothing slides out more forcefully than the wind from your ass. At first, when you smell that familiar but comforting odor, you think, ''Jeez, that can't be from her, it must be the dog''. Then, you realize she doesn't have a dog. Maybe, while driving, it could be the engine? No, she let one rip. And, it is one bad motherfucker, too. ''Well, honey, if that is how you feel, then let me bring something to the party, then!'' I guess it is up to the couple when they share this with each other. Everybody has different time periods. One buddy of mine broke the seal when he was meeting his future in-laws. ''Welcome to the family!'' And, I have heard, probably it is bullshit, that one friend of a friend let it sail from the altar at his wedding. Oh, well, true love........ My Blondie friend is not having this problem now. But, the snoring had receded. This is good........ I do not like Michelle Obama. I think she is a wolf in sheep's clothing. The other day, perhaps, you heard the comment, she stated that she wanted all the black people out there to vote for whatever Democrat is running. Never mind the arrogance of her demanding that just because they share the same color as she, therefore, they would do whatever she says, she went horribly further by issuing the line that black people, after the voting for the Democrats, should celebrate by eating friend chicken. You see, Ms Nutrition was granting absolution to anyone that wanted to eat unhealthy, just this once. Forget her healthy eating public service [ which, like all First Ladies, gives them something positive to be in the public eye ] let me focus in on the fried chicken reference. How she gets away with saying this very stereotypical line is amazing. We all know that if a white or Hispanic person said the same thing, they would be hung out to dry. But, the media, in the pockets of the liberal media and, more crucially, afraid to challenge any statement by a black public figure for fear of the racism charge being lobbed at them, let it go. And, this is not the first time that Ms. Obama has spoken racially charged lines and gotten away with it. It goes back to 2008 and her stating that for the first time in her life she is proud of this country after her husband was nominated. Read between the lines in her statement and you know what she was really saying. There are other statements out there to show a pattern of what she is really thinking. There is a name for someone who thinks like you, Michelle. And, the word does not mention race, either. Good God, imagine her gas with that fat ass!!! It could power our nuclear missiles........  I am no Cub apologist. As a life-long fan, I fully admit that this team is an embarrassment to organized sports. However, my Mom was a good Cubs fan growing up and she passed that love down to us kids. Whenever I am in that beautiful shrine known as Wrigley Field, I look for the echoes of my Mom's smile at watching her favorite team try to win. And, I know her ghost is roaming the grounds, walking hand and hand with other Cubs fans who have gone to Heaven. I write this because I am getting a little excited with the rumblings I am hearing and seeing coming from the North Side. The long rebuilding program with their minor league system seems to be finally starting to click. And, the hiring of Joe Madden as manager is an exciting move. He is a world class baseball manager who might finally guide these misfits into a championship team. As I have said, I am no explainer of what this organization has done and no blindly following whatever they do fan. However, there are exciting vibrations coming from our Chicago Cubs and I am jacked about it........I am starting to fade a little now. The keyboard letters are blurring, along with the start of fatigue. The Sandman is tapping me on the shoulder, beckoning me to bed. I wish I could curl up to Blondie but she has sprawled out across the bed. What the hell, it is her bed. I will curl up on the couch. Thanks for sharing my late night drunken thoughts. I'm sure we will do this again soon........ Now, the only question remaining is who will go for the McDonald's breakfast, her or me? This is the best hangover breakfast, I believe......... Sweet dreams, my darling loves out there.........