Frank And Ava

He walked into the recording studio that night a broken man. It was a woman again. A dame. He had been with many in his life, probably, far too many to remember. He was a man always on a constant quest for the ultimate, whether it be a woman, good times with the boys, or perfection in his work. This night in March, 1951, it was his heart that was aching. That forlorn ache of a man who was in love with a woman who brought him to his knees. This was no easy achievement because this man was Frank Sinatra, and Frank Sinatra did not bow to anyone. People bowed to him. But, he was hurting bad from yet another fight with her. He knew that his muse was in his suffering, whether it was the world that he wanted to be perfect, or, a woman. Heartbreak at love drove his music and his psyche. As he stepped up to the microphone that March night so long ago, he was singing to her, as always. The song was a minor tune in his army of love songs. It was called, ''I'm A Fool To Want You.'' He has co-written this because it was so near to his heart and what he was feeling. He sang it in one take, for as legend has it, after he sang it once, he was too spent to go on. He put his hat on, slightly crooked, as usual, threw his coat over his shoulder, and walked out into the cruel, lonely night. The song was for Ava Gardner...... They had met sometime in the 1940's. Frank was the sensation of the decade, the hottest singer in the world. Women swooned to his music and to the power of the man himself. Ava was the most beautiful woman in the world, so the studio hacks said. She was born in Grabstown, North Carolina, very poor. Her legend had it that one day a shop owner had asked this teenage beauty if it would be alright for him to put her picture in his window display as a kind of promotion. She said yes, and the next thing anyone knew was that a talent agent from Hollywood saw the picture and immediately sent her out to California for a screen test. She was no great shakes as an actress, as she herself admitted, but, she was young and stunningly beautiful, the perfect marriage of images for Tinseltown. Soon, Ava became the toast of Hollywood , with famous men throwing themselves at her and vice versa. She married twice, Mickey Rooney and bandleader Artie Shaw. She also had a well-documented affair with tycoon Howard Hughes. But, her career was stagnant and she felt unsatisfied. She was looking for the real action in life, a break from the humdrum. And, in the late 1940's she finally accepted a date from the most famous entertainer in the world. She had heard of his reputation with women. He was a male nymphomaniac, which did not bother her, because she was a female hound. So, in 1949, after years of teasing and flirting, Ava Gardner and Frank Sinatra went out on their first date......... That first date ended up with them getting arrested. They went driving to the desert, bombed out of their minds on booze [ which, would be the normal for these two massive drinkers] and looking for trouble. Suddenly, Frank produced a gun from somewhere and they started firing randomly at stores and any other objects that came in their eyesight. No one was hurt---- although, there are rumors an innocent bystander received a minor wound---- and the police arrested these famous drunks for disturbing the peace. Of course, being famous, money was spread out, and any law that was being broken suddenly became fixed. But, the press got ahold of the story and before anyone could take a breath, Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner were spread all over the world's pages as a couple......... There was one problem. A big problem. Frank was still married to his wife, Nancy. Nancy Sinatra had met and fallen in love with Frank Sinatra when he was still a pebble trying to get the first big break. She was the loyal Italian wife who ironed his ties and suits, made the gravy, and gave him the three children that he doted on. But, Frank was a man with vast appetites, a man who would never settle down to the slippers and sitting by the fire at night. This man was all action. He had to keep moving, never could he ever stay still. He needed constant stimulation and excitement. It applied to every facet of his life, especially, his love life. Frank was never faithful. He scored with every woman he could be with, whether they be Hollywood stars like Lana Turner or women who were, as the polite term says, ''scarlets of profession'' [ hookers]. Frank had them all, hundreds, eventually, thousands, and Nancy was the faithful wife who turned a blind eye to his wandering. As she always said, when Frank finished with his dalliances, he always came home to her. But, this time, he could not. Not after Ava......... Frank fell in love with Ava. And, Ava flipped for Frank. It was a passionate union, filled with sex, drinking, all night parties, gambling, and arguing. And, the arguing was legendary. Both were insanely jealous of the other's past sexual activity. Both had hot tempers and were not afraid to let it all hang out. There are famous stories of them screaming at each other at nightclubs and Hollywood shindigs while the astonished onlookers held their mouths open agape. Naturally, these temper tantrums and jealous rages found their way into the gossip columns. Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner became the first tabloid affair played out in the public. And, the public was fascinated. Would Frank leave his beloved wife for Ava? Was Ava a homewrecker, trying to steal a man away from his wife and children? And, what about Frank's career, which had been thriving until his affair with Ava started? Suddenly, Sinatra was out of favor with his audience, which stopped buying his records and going to see his movies. Ava was headed in the opposite direction. All of the publicity of her union with Frank ignited her dead career and she was suddenly the hottest start on the silver screen. All of this combined for a very tantalizing soap opera played out for the public to watch......... But, throughout all of the fury, there were the quiet moments between them. They could not stand being apart from each other. Essentially, they were the same person. Both were given to living life to its fullest. Both had childhoods that left them scarred. Both, with that passionate blood that flowed within them, could not imagine life without the other. They were soulmates. Partners in life if only they could get past the bad. There would always be fire in their relationship, they knew. And, they liked that. It was one of those love unions that only those who have experienced can understand. Logic is thrown out of the window. Common sense tells you that the other person should go away. But, the heart speaks louder than the brain. You long for the other person, you cannot go through life without them. No, they were one, the blending of each other's best traits and worst. On one hand, they were the perfect creation. On the other, they were damned by God for their past sins......... Torn between the guilt of leaving Nancy and the kids, and his all-consuming passion for Ava, Frank Sinatra lost it all. His career was in shreds and the public and press turned against him. It was during this time that the dark thoughts came to him and he attempted suicide at least once. He turned the gas oven on and sat in front of it, wanting to end it all. Fortunately, a friend stopped him before it was too late. On another occasion, after another fight with Ava, he called her from his hotel room and announced that he was ending it all. On the phone, Ava heard what sounded like a gunshot. Fearfully, she rushed to the hotel and found Frank sitting there unhurt. He had fired the shot into a pillow and just wanted to scare her. This, of course, started another row between them and she stormed away, vowing never to see him again. A few nights later, the press reported, Ava was sitting ringside at a show Frank was performing at. She was smiling at her man and said, ''Look at that son of a bitch! How can I not love him?''........ Eventually, Nancy Sinatra gave Frank the divorce. Frank was very generous with her---- a trait Frank was with everyone he knew---- and gave her all of his money and the house. One week later, in November of 1951, Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner were wed. It was a small ceremony. Afterwords, Frank told the awaiting press that it was a long road but they made it.......... The honeymoon was like anything else with them. Passionate drinking, passionate sex, and passionate arguing. All night parties continued, along with the accusations of infidelity. Now, there was some truth to these accusations. Frank, at least during his days before marrying Ava, was still seeing other women. And, Ava, had her affairs also. She was very fond of Spanish bullfighters. Whenever she and Frank parted in anger, Ava would be seen openly with her latest bullfighter toy. But, for the most part, the accusations were false. They were committed to each other, at least, in their own way. Ava still had the thriving career while Frank was struggling. Ava would later state that they were the happiest when Frank was down and out. But, Frank had plans. He heard about the hot new part in a movie that was being planned, ''From Here To Eternity''. Frank was sure this part would put him on top again. After much back and forth, Frank got the role and the success of the movie would jump start his sagging career. And, in an example of ying and yang in life, Ava's career started to tumble. They reversed roles now. And, it strained their already volatile relationship. The fighting grew more heated between them, the separations and dalliances with affairs more frequent. It did not help that Ava could not stand Frank's mobster friends and his string of hanger-ons. Ava would verbally berate Frank in public for hanging out with these people. Frank would yell back that these were his friends and fuck what she says. Finally, after two short years of marriage, in 1953, Ava Gardner filed for divorce, although, it would be a few more years before it became final. Both Frank and Ava were heartbroken. It was the classic case of can't live with, can't live without. They decided to part. There would be many attempts for the next ten years at getting back together, and they did for short periods, but, they could not make it work.......... They never got over each other. Frank would marry twice more. Ava would not. She never had any children. She later stated she always wanted to have a child, but, only Frank Sinatra's child, no one else's. Frank would become an even bigger star in the 50's and 60's with The Rat Pack and his endless recordings and films and personal appearances. Frank Sinatra became an National Icon, a Living Legend. Ava Gardner would continue to work occasionally in movies but she was only doing it for the money. Like Frank, the years of hard drinking and hard living would take its toll on her looks and she gained a lot of weight. Eventually, she would move to London, where she spent her final years until her death in 1990. She and Frank remained on friendly terms throughout the years. He always took care of the people he loved and made sure Ava was cared for. When word reached him that she died, he took to his room for three days, overcome with grief for the true love of his life. There was a quiet service for Ava in her hometown where she was buried. Frank did not go, it was too hard for him to say goodbye to her. He sent flowers. The inscription was simple: ''All My Love, Francis''......... Frank Sinatra would live another eight years after Ava. During this time age would sap this once vital man of his energies. Eventually, he had to stop because Frank Sinatra showed what many thought was not possible: that he was mortal......... But, before he dimmed his eyes for the last time, Frank still knew how to sell a song in concert. He was the best singer of the 20th Century and he knew it. He knew he had to sing a song for the audience to take into their souls. And, he always succeeded. One song he sang with an extra feeling. It was ''I've Got You Under My Skin''. It was one of his most popular songs, and, not surprisingly, it had an Ava connection. The song states that a love is so deep in the heart that you are really a part of me. And, you, the lovelorn listener would not have it any other way........ Soon after Ava's death in 1990, Frank Sinatra started to perform again. When he came to ''I've Got You Under My Skin'', those around him noticed that he sang it differently than in the past. It was all emotion, less swagger....... I'm imagining Frank was singing it to her. He was looking out into that vast audience that was always there for him. But, Frank was seeing the dark and the woman he loved, somewhere in that dark...........