Frank And Ava

He walked into the recording studio that night a broken man. It was a woman again. A dame. He had been with many in his life, probably, far too many to remember. He was a man always on a constant quest for the ultimate, whether it be a woman, good times with the boys, or perfection in his work. This night in March, 1951, it was his heart that was aching. That forlorn ache of a man who was in love with a woman who brought him to his knees. This was no easy achievement because this man was Frank Sinatra, and Frank Sinatra did not bow to anyone. People bowed to him. But, he was hurting bad from yet another fight with her. He knew that his muse was in his suffering, whether it was the world that he wanted to be perfect, or, a woman. Heartbreak at love drove his music and his psyche. As he stepped up to the microphone that March night so long ago, he was singing to her, as always. The song was a minor tune in his army of love songs. It was called, ''I'm A Fool To Want You.'' He has co-written this because it was so near to his heart and what he was feeling. He sang it in one take, for as legend has it, after he sang it once, he was too spent to go on. He put his hat on, slightly crooked, as usual, threw his coat over his shoulder, and walked out into the cruel, lonely night. The song was for Ava Gardner...... They had met sometime in the 1940's. Frank was the sensation of the decade, the hottest singer in the world. Women swooned to his music and to the power of the man himself. Ava was the most beautiful woman in the world, so the studio hacks said. She was born in Grabstown, North Carolina, very poor. Her legend had it that one day a shop owner had asked this teenage beauty if it would be alright for him to put her picture in his window display as a kind of promotion. She said yes, and the next thing anyone knew was that a talent agent from Hollywood saw the picture and immediately sent her out to California for a screen test. She was no great shakes as an actress, as she herself admitted, but, she was young and stunningly beautiful, the perfect marriage of images for Tinseltown. Soon, Ava became the toast of Hollywood , with famous men throwing themselves at her and vice versa. She married twice, Mickey Rooney and bandleader Artie Shaw. She also had a well-documented affair with tycoon Howard Hughes. But, her career was stagnant and she felt unsatisfied. She was looking for the real action in life, a break from the humdrum. And, in the late 1940's she finally accepted a date from the most famous entertainer in the world. She had heard of his reputation with women. He was a male nymphomaniac, which did not bother her, because she was a female hound. So, in 1949, after years of teasing and flirting, Ava Gardner and Frank Sinatra went out on their first date......... That first date ended up with them getting arrested. They went driving to the desert, bombed out of their minds on booze [ which, would be the normal for these two massive drinkers] and looking for trouble. Suddenly, Frank produced a gun from somewhere and they started firing randomly at stores and any other objects that came in their eyesight. No one was hurt---- although, there are rumors an innocent bystander received a minor wound---- and the police arrested these famous drunks for disturbing the peace. Of course, being famous, money was spread out, and any law that was being broken suddenly became fixed. But, the press got ahold of the story and before anyone could take a breath, Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner were spread all over the world's pages as a couple......... There was one problem. A big problem. Frank was still married to his wife, Nancy. Nancy Sinatra had met and fallen in love with Frank Sinatra when he was still a pebble trying to get the first big break. She was the loyal Italian wife who ironed his ties and suits, made the gravy, and gave him the three children that he doted on. But, Frank was a man with vast appetites, a man who would never settle down to the slippers and sitting by the fire at night. This man was all action. He had to keep moving, never could he ever stay still. He needed constant stimulation and excitement. It applied to every facet of his life, especially, his love life. Frank was never faithful. He scored with every woman he could be with, whether they be Hollywood stars like Lana Turner or women who were, as the polite term says, ''scarlets of profession'' [ hookers]. Frank had them all, hundreds, eventually, thousands, and Nancy was the faithful wife who turned a blind eye to his wandering. As she always said, when Frank finished with his dalliances, he always came home to her. But, this time, he could not. Not after Ava......... Frank fell in love with Ava. And, Ava flipped for Frank. It was a passionate union, filled with sex, drinking, all night parties, gambling, and arguing. And, the arguing was legendary. Both were insanely jealous of the other's past sexual activity. Both had hot tempers and were not afraid to let it all hang out. There are famous stories of them screaming at each other at nightclubs and Hollywood shindigs while the astonished onlookers held their mouths open agape. Naturally, these temper tantrums and jealous rages found their way into the gossip columns. Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner became the first tabloid affair played out in the public. And, the public was fascinated. Would Frank leave his beloved wife for Ava? Was Ava a homewrecker, trying to steal a man away from his wife and children? And, what about Frank's career, which had been thriving until his affair with Ava started? Suddenly, Sinatra was out of favor with his audience, which stopped buying his records and going to see his movies. Ava was headed in the opposite direction. All of the publicity of her union with Frank ignited her dead career and she was suddenly the hottest start on the silver screen. All of this combined for a very tantalizing soap opera played out for the public to watch......... But, throughout all of the fury, there were the quiet moments between them. They could not stand being apart from each other. Essentially, they were the same person. Both were given to living life to its fullest. Both had childhoods that left them scarred. Both, with that passionate blood that flowed within them, could not imagine life without the other. They were soulmates. Partners in life if only they could get past the bad. There would always be fire in their relationship, they knew. And, they liked that. It was one of those love unions that only those who have experienced can understand. Logic is thrown out of the window. Common sense tells you that the other person should go away. But, the heart speaks louder than the brain. You long for the other person, you cannot go through life without them. No, they were one, the blending of each other's best traits and worst. On one hand, they were the perfect creation. On the other, they were damned by God for their past sins......... Torn between the guilt of leaving Nancy and the kids, and his all-consuming passion for Ava, Frank Sinatra lost it all. His career was in shreds and the public and press turned against him. It was during this time that the dark thoughts came to him and he attempted suicide at least once. He turned the gas oven on and sat in front of it, wanting to end it all. Fortunately, a friend stopped him before it was too late. On another occasion, after another fight with Ava, he called her from his hotel room and announced that he was ending it all. On the phone, Ava heard what sounded like a gunshot. Fearfully, she rushed to the hotel and found Frank sitting there unhurt. He had fired the shot into a pillow and just wanted to scare her. This, of course, started another row between them and she stormed away, vowing never to see him again. A few nights later, the press reported, Ava was sitting ringside at a show Frank was performing at. She was smiling at her man and said, ''Look at that son of a bitch! How can I not love him?''........ Eventually, Nancy Sinatra gave Frank the divorce. Frank was very generous with her---- a trait Frank was with everyone he knew---- and gave her all of his money and the house. One week later, in November of 1951, Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner were wed. It was a small ceremony. Afterwords, Frank told the awaiting press that it was a long road but they made it.......... The honeymoon was like anything else with them. Passionate drinking, passionate sex, and passionate arguing. All night parties continued, along with the accusations of infidelity. Now, there was some truth to these accusations. Frank, at least during his days before marrying Ava, was still seeing other women. And, Ava, had her affairs also. She was very fond of Spanish bullfighters. Whenever she and Frank parted in anger, Ava would be seen openly with her latest bullfighter toy. But, for the most part, the accusations were false. They were committed to each other, at least, in their own way. Ava still had the thriving career while Frank was struggling. Ava would later state that they were the happiest when Frank was down and out. But, Frank had plans. He heard about the hot new part in a movie that was being planned, ''From Here To Eternity''. Frank was sure this part would put him on top again. After much back and forth, Frank got the role and the success of the movie would jump start his sagging career. And, in an example of ying and yang in life, Ava's career started to tumble. They reversed roles now. And, it strained their already volatile relationship. The fighting grew more heated between them, the separations and dalliances with affairs more frequent. It did not help that Ava could not stand Frank's mobster friends and his string of hanger-ons. Ava would verbally berate Frank in public for hanging out with these people. Frank would yell back that these were his friends and fuck what she says. Finally, after two short years of marriage, in 1953, Ava Gardner filed for divorce, although, it would be a few more years before it became final. Both Frank and Ava were heartbroken. It was the classic case of can't live with, can't live without. They decided to part. There would be many attempts for the next ten years at getting back together, and they did for short periods, but, they could not make it work.......... They never got over each other. Frank would marry twice more. Ava would not. She never had any children. She later stated she always wanted to have a child, but, only Frank Sinatra's child, no one else's. Frank would become an even bigger star in the 50's and 60's with The Rat Pack and his endless recordings and films and personal appearances. Frank Sinatra became an National Icon, a Living Legend. Ava Gardner would continue to work occasionally in movies but she was only doing it for the money. Like Frank, the years of hard drinking and hard living would take its toll on her looks and she gained a lot of weight. Eventually, she would move to London, where she spent her final years until her death in 1990. She and Frank remained on friendly terms throughout the years. He always took care of the people he loved and made sure Ava was cared for. When word reached him that she died, he took to his room for three days, overcome with grief for the true love of his life. There was a quiet service for Ava in her hometown where she was buried. Frank did not go, it was too hard for him to say goodbye to her. He sent flowers. The inscription was simple: ''All My Love, Francis''......... Frank Sinatra would live another eight years after Ava. During this time age would sap this once vital man of his energies. Eventually, he had to stop because Frank Sinatra showed what many thought was not possible: that he was mortal......... But, before he dimmed his eyes for the last time, Frank still knew how to sell a song in concert. He was the best singer of the 20th Century and he knew it. He knew he had to sing a song for the audience to take into their souls. And, he always succeeded. One song he sang with an extra feeling. It was ''I've Got You Under My Skin''. It was one of his most popular songs, and, not surprisingly, it had an Ava connection. The song states that a love is so deep in the heart that you are really a part of me. And, you, the lovelorn listener would not have it any other way........ Soon after Ava's death in 1990, Frank Sinatra started to perform again. When he came to ''I've Got You Under My Skin'', those around him noticed that he sang it differently than in the past. It was all emotion, less swagger....... I'm imagining Frank was singing it to her. He was looking out into that vast audience that was always there for him. But, Frank was seeing the dark and the woman he loved, somewhere in that dark...........

Emotional Emptiness, With Cosmos

Last night, at a party I attended, the hosts had the TV on in the corner. Most parties, lately, have the Hawks game on or something that is just background to the goings on in the foreground. I always have stated that if you are watching the boob tube at a party---- and, it is a non-sports event playing on the set--- then, that party is headed for trouble. I can watch TV at home, whatever I may choose!!! [ I love liberty!] So, I glanced at what was playing and immediately registered what was on. Then, I turned away in a flash. If I watched what was on for a long period of time, I was afraid my I.Q. would drop dramatically and I may become a different person. The movie playing was the cinematic masterpiece, ''Sex In The City 2''........ Yes, I am a man. A heterosexual man. So, by definition of the audience that watched the TV show in its heyday, and, now embraces the movies, I cannot possibly understand this show and what it means to women. It has been lectured to me that these four women are representing the independent spirit and mindset of the modern woman. She is free to explore all that she has not been able to explore because of the male-dominated society that has held women in bondage with their actions. Now, like any argument, there is truth to this statement. Some truth, I grant you. The modern woman, educated, opinionated, strong with sexual drive, and driven to be their own person, has been kept down by the male society. I have always been in favor of the liberated woman. Fly and be free, ladies. You are women, let me hear you roar. And, the very same  liberation in the real world should also be translated into the reel world of entertainment. Let it all hang out and show us males what you are really thinking about--- fears, dreams, hidden hurt emotions, the other side of  a relationship. the whole shebang. And, when the arrival of ''Sex In The City'' came on HBO in the late 90's, I was all open to explore this world for the unenlightened male....... Except, these characters that came forward on the show made my skin crawl. Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte were so unlikable that it was an instant turnoff. They are stereotypical bubbleheads who exhibit all of the narcissistic behavior found in the worst of males. They are into fashion, shoes, sex, bad drinks, shoes, me-me behavior. Fine, everybody needs to have interests. But, those interests also show the emptiness of their souls and beings. They are so into themselves that they cannot see that real love--- be it for a man or children---- is beyond them and their empty emotional levels. They are users of people and of objects with no regard for whom they may be burning with this behavior. The fact that they exhibit that free behavior seems to be the drawing card for its confused audience........ Take, for instance, the sexual life of Samantha. Women out there seem to admire that Samantha plays by her own rules sexually and is not concerned by the  opinion of others. Fine, that is good. A person should be allowed to live his or her own life without caring what others think. But, what this character does not see--- and, sadly, her admiring audience out there watching doesn't see or understand either----- is that this is a woman who is an emotional cripple when it comes to caring for someone else. She is a user, and, like most users, they have some success with this behavior, which leads to being admired by the audience that is not quite grasping that this character is not the type of person to have as a friend. She is sleeping around, yes. But, like most males that do this behavior, she leaves a trail of broken hearts and feelings of uselessness and shame for those she has been with. Women have been the victim of this type of behavior for far too long. Why a female audience that watches this show and embraces the characters so fiercely admires this type of cruelty is beyond me......... In the brief glimpse of the movie I saw the other night, the character of Miranda seems to have reproduced twice. If this is not an example of why some adults should not be parents, then, I do not know what is. In fact, all of these ladies should never have children because they are too childish themselves. The scene I saw had the kids being brats to Miranda and interfering with Miranda wanting to go out with her friends for Cosmos. Apparently, the kids are mistaken to believe that Mom would want to raise them as any good mother would......... But, let me not just criticize the females in this show. There is the big guy, Mr. Big. He was set up in the original show as the Dream Guy. Rich, handsome, successful, and apparently, well-endowed, Carrie's guy pal is what every woman out there wants. Perhaps. But, ladies, do you not want someone who is also not such a self-centered idiot? He is so into himself that I would think his favorite Saturday Night Date is watching himself in the mirror, admiring all that is him. He only seems to have one vocal range to talk in---- low tones, purring like a Cheshire cat. He is the type of guy you meet and have to ask to have him repeat what he said because you can't understand him. And, he is also the type of guy that would not because that is not his nature. He thinks he is the coolest guy in the room and we should all know it. In a way, he is the perfect companion for Carrie. They both are incapable of being in love with anyone but themselves.......... Women have told me that one of the things they admire about this show is the strong friendship between the four. I don't see it. It seems to be a friendship based on wanting, not needing. Wanting all of the material possessions in life [and, men are a material possession to them] without getting past the fact that, yes, ''things'' are nice to have, but, a deep love for someone else is much more paramount. Love for a mate. And, love for a friend. I do not believe that these women really love each other as friends. They say they do, and, want to believe that they will always be there for each other, but, their constant quest for personal enjoyment at the expense of everyone else belies this. I look at their friendship and see that it is held together by the thinnest of strings. One small pull and they would be at each others throats. They do not really care about each other, that is surface interaction. Beneath it, these ladies would end their friendship over who did not pay what at lunch, or, more likely, one of them sleeping with the other's man........ As a male that has known and dated his fair share of women, these ladies are the type that guys really do not want anything to do with, beyond the sexual conquest. They are too full of themselves with their shallow behavior to have any kind of long-lasting relationship with. At least, with a guy that is decent to his core. And, no, guys are not threatened by a strong, independent woman, a common retort to those that defend these unlikable characters and show.  You wanna know what men really find attractive in a woman, ladies? Yes, physical appearance is one of the things. Both sexes lay claim to the fact they wanna get laid. But, what men really want is decency. Decency of character. Decency of spirit. Decency to care about the other person and not have it be something that they feel that they have to do, but, want to do. Men want to be loved as much as woman. A good woman. A woman who is not primary concerned with getting the new pair of shoes or showing the world how they should be admired, but, rather, by a woman who is herself. Men are flawed, but, so are women, and the pity of this show--- where they dropped the ball---- is not showing these flaws, mixed with genuine human caring, that make up people trying to get along with each other in this cold world....... It is an old cliche, but, it is the heart of humanity. We all need love......... The women in ''Sex In The City'' cannot understand this. They cannot see love beyond the emptiness of their lives and souls..........

Scoleri's Island

Like most people, when I stop to fill up the gas tank, I buy a Lotto ticket. It is almost automatic that I buy one. Sometimes, I pick up the scratch -off with the promise of a thousand dollars a week for life, other times I play the Big Boy games of Mega Millions and Little Lotto. And, there is always the slight optimistic thought that this is the winning ticket that I have been waiting my whole life for. The ticket that will finally even out all of the tight financial living that myself and my family have had ever since we were created. I do not come from a family of means, just love. I prefer the love over the money any day. But, the money would be a nice chaser with the drink. I delay any look into if I have won that week's prize. Let myself dream a little longer. Also, even though it is the rule of most religions to not ask God for that gift of winning [ though the church is not shy of asking for money at the collection plate] I still say a silent prayer for the deliverance from money worries. Finally, I will jack up the nerve to scratch that ticket or check my  numbers. And, I lose, every week. Maybe, I will win a free ticket with the scratch off but no great money intake will come my way. So, I have my disappointment, and, the next time I fill-up, I will repeat the pattern....... I would be a fun, rich guy!! I have seen my whole life people struggle and complain about what a hardship it is to have money coming out of every corner. Where is this corner? Because I want to be a hooker on it and earn big money. I'm not asking for the moon here, just a taste of financial high-living. My first act upon receiving money would be the sensible act of paying off all of my bills and the  bills of people whom I care about. And, then, I would stow away some money for that elusive rainy day that we all have heard about. I would not be one of these idiots--- usually, show business bozos--- who earn a great fortune and then piss it away on foolish behavior. Nah, I would build a solid foundation against any financial hardship. One must always be aware to pay the rent and have food on the table...... And, then, it would time to play!!! I would pull a Marlon Brando here and buy my own private island. Now, Brando had his in the South Seas. The weather is next to perfect there but they do have a tendency to have typhoons and other natural weather disasters that blow away paradise. Plus, recently, that area has been a haven for missing Malaysian jets. I would not want some corpses to wash up on my island when I am sleeping the well-earned afternoon nap. If I wanna sleep next to a corpse I will call some ex-girlfriends....... So, I would have to pick the next location for my island. The Caribbean seems logical. Great weather, nice people, ah, natural stimulants to while away the days and nights. However, there is a largely unreported crime element that roams in the area. A lot of tourists are beaten and robbed of their money by the locales. And, recently, professional pirates have taken over a lot of the free trade. I don't like pirates. I have never met one but I'm pretty sure they would look at me like I should be greased up and passed around the poop deck........ Because of my heritage I would probably follow my heart to the homes of my ancestors, Ireland and Italy. Ireland holds appeal because of the lush green lands that I imagine stretch thousands of miles. There is the beautiful countryside mixed in with the even more beautiful local pubs to quench one's thirst. There is the Irish lasses, who make every Italian male's heart run a Dublin mile. But, whenever I see the Irish country, laddie, the sky always looks like it is about to thunderstorm for the next two weeks. The panoramic view is ruined by this. If I want constant rain I can stay in Schaumburg........So, Italy would be the next stop. And, it would be the best stop for me. Why? Well, the weather is not perfect but it is a shitload better than Schaumburg, Illinois, 60193. You have history there, perhaps, the most interesting history in recorded, ah, history. The architecture alone makes one want to cream. In the mainland, you have the high mountains that cry out for a long walk or a ride on a motor scooter. Along the way, you will encounter my favorite part of any trip, the restaurants and cafes that serve endless food and endless red wine. Now, because of my healthy appetite, and, my equally healthy apathy to anything involving exercising, I would surely pack on the pounds, so, getting my own island would be wise....... My island off of the coast of Italy would be simple, for I am a simple man. There would be a small landing strip for either a plane or a helicopter to bring supplies and my chosen visitors. There would be huts all around the beach--- not to close because that would ruin the view--- with running water and the modern conveniences  [I am no fool, I would not live without certain creature comforts]. There would be very few clocks on the island because I would want to control the time according to my living speed. The ocean water is blue, of course, because the natural pollutants that make up a normal beach visit would not be a concern. I want clean water. Now, I normally do not want to swim in the ocean because there are things that could kill you [ever see a piranha or an octopus walking down Michigan Avenue?]. It is the world of the fish and I am no Jacques Cousteau. But, my visitors would be tempted by the beauty, therefore, I must have the ocean looking as well as I can. The sands would be white, clear white, with small little tables by the lounge chairs for you to nosh on your favorite food and tropical beverage. Fresh coconuts would be on the palm trees, ready for the picking. The crabs would be crawling along quietly, eyeing suspiciously the seashells. There would be a gentle wind blowing on this perfect day with a temperature a nice 82 degrees. The sun shining, the sky ever so blue........... I would be surrounded by my chosen people. My family and friends. There would be no party crashers to the island. I invite my crowd. So, there would be laughs and good times. Lets string a volleyball net up and play! Wanna play some baseball? Well, that field that I just had plowed is awaiting your first home run. The bar would be close by for any activity. I would hire the best bartender to make you a proper drink. Not a drink that knocks you on your ass but a drink that soothes your soul and takes you on a nice, mellow trip to Drunkland. Sorry, my female friends, but the bartender would be female. They make the best bartenders and it is my fuckin island. You want men, go win your Lotto prize!! But, the bartender would be nice and sweet and personable for all to get to know. I want good feelings at Scoleri Island, no hard feelings or petty feuds. We are all there to push the world away with all of its insane problems. Smiles are the daily wear....... The nights would rock with my own private club. There is the dance floor for those that want to shake their booties. Another bar to curl up in. And, music, sweet, sweet music for us to groove to. Paradise needs a soundtrack. Bob Marley and other reggae music is needed, but also the other sounds of the world. To me, Sinatra's ''Summer Wind'' is just a vital to hear as Marley's music. The old hippie ''Summer Of Love'' music, with Scott Mckenzie and The Mamas and Papas and The Lovin Spoonful. Slow dancing with your love, or, with your drink, is allowed. At some point, the music and alcohol and good feelings meld into a perfect whole....... You are hungry, you say? Lobster and other wonderful fish await your mouth. Now, if fish is not to your liking, I am batting around the idea of a Wendy's restaurant behind the bar if you have the 3am munchies. And, yes, to the faithful: there will be cheeseballs. You cannot have paradise without fried cheese........ I don't want to hear airplanes. I don't want traffic and congestion. I don't want the pushy public to walk all over me and my guests. That is the point of an island. So, I want people there to have the right attitude. You are there to have a good time and to turn off the world. The world and all of its problems will be there when we go back to it...... If we go back...... So, I have the plan for my paradise . Now, all I need is the winning Lotto numbers. Sadly, this is the hard part to accomplish.......