Random Thoughts: March 2013

Pope Benedict is now history. He has a new title, ''Pope Emeritus.'' The Vatican hands out titles like paper towels. He leaves a legacy of almost no importance. Except one. He did oversee an institution--- the Catholic Church--- that continues to be a most corrupt institution. And, we know the stories of corruption. Starting with the most serious and horrible--- the ongoing cover-ups of children being molested by priests. We have heard these tales of abuse for far too long. Not all priests molest, of course. The higher ups cannot be blamed for the individual behavior of a deviant. That applies to all of society. However, as we have seen, the Church has no reservations of burying the scandal to protect its all- important image of looking out for God's children. Millions of dollars of hush money, let alone the costs of high-priced lawyers, have been standard procedure for this most evil of institutions. I'm not talking about the Catholic faith or beliefs, but, the business that controls that faith. They are as corrupt as any of the Penn State bastards who looked the other way for years while Sandusky was conducting his vile deeds. The head of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict, is as guilty of lying and covering up child abuse as the head of Penn State. He did not know the individual priests who did the foul acts, but, he knew after the fact. And, in typical Catholic Church dogma tried to ignore or buy off the victims. Meanwhile, the standard operating procedure of scamming its faithful--- begging for money--- was in full stride. The next time you are in the holy house of a church, and, the priest is telling you about church repairs and shortages that will affect many churches, just remember that the Catholic Church is the largest real estate profit organization in the world, with holdings that are in the hundreds of billions. That the Vatican has always worked with the Mafia hand and hand is common knowledge. This goes back many centuries [ The Borgias, folks!] with many Popes married with several families.Stories of bloodletting, blackmail, and murder [ see the Roberto Calvi story, and, his fleecing of millions of dollars through the Vatican bank]. All of these betrayals of people's faith, not to mention using God's name for personal greed, were presided over by a Pope. So, as Pope Benedict goes away to do whatever--- and, there are rumors of scandal that he knew about that promise to bubble to the surface--- just remember that he is no different than any scumbag politician, lawyer, hired killer, child molester. Why? Because he was in charge of an instituion that sanctioned it. I hope that whomever the next Pope is will, finally, clean house and try to run an honest organization that focuses on the teachings of God and not how to slide abuse cases under the rug while making dirty money. There was one Pope in modern history that tried to do this: Pope John  Paul, The First, in 1978. He came into the job determined to whipe out the stain of financial and physical abuses by the Church. Perhaps, you remember him. He was only in for a little over a month before he died in his sleep. There are many versions of what happened to him. Officially, the Church says he died of natural causes. But, many believe he was poisoned on purpose for wanting to sweep out the scum that were in the Church. He was succeeded by Pope John Paul, The Second. His rein continued business as usual...... Seth McFarlane hosted the recent Oscars and is being plummeted in the press for doing a lousy job. I am not a fan of his-- and, his 3rd grade humor--- but, I thought he did ok. It is a tough job being the host of the Oscars. Many talented people have fallen on their faces trying to host this runaway train of a show. Bob Hope and Johnny Carson remain the template of a successful host. Billy Crystal has had his moments, but, contrary to public memory, he has also bombed as host a few times. Truth be told, they really do not need a host past the opening monologue. There, the host is all-important to set the tone. As the evening drags on, and we get impatient waiting for the big awards so we can call it a night, the host almost seems like an added intrusion, elongating the show. The fact that McFarlane told some jokes that met with resistance from the audience is not his fault. Like David Letterman years ago, McFarlane was hired to comment on the show in progress, but, instead, he made fun of the whole gaudy idea of an awards show. And, like Letterman, he met with much hostility from his targets. This is not McFarlane's fault, nor was it Letterman's. It is the fault of the producers, who by hiring McFarlane, knew exactly what they were getting--- a smart-ass. Hollywood likes to think it can take a punch, but, it cannot. Not all of what McFarlane did was good. He certainly bombed on many jokes. Still, he did the job they hired him to do and he should not be condemned for it. I will save that condemnation for Harvey Weinstein, the ultra- powerful head of Miramax, who insited that Michelle Obama present the Best Picture award via satellite. It was contrived and added a mix of politics that is never necessary to any awards show. And, you had Jack Nicholson, the most beloved and admired actor of the last 50 years, who has been absent from the telecast for many years, being asked to share the spotlight with a First Lady, out of her depth, as usual. In terms of pure entertainment, Nicholson should have given the award himself. But, Hollywood, liberal Hollywood, who likes to suck off Washington politics, went with Mrs. Obama. Maybe, next year, Jack can share the stage with The Artist Formally Known As Pope Benedict....... Don't worry, it is never ''too soon'' to tell a joke about a recently departed public person . Humor is the most effective way to laugh at death, who, as we know, gets the final laugh on all of us. Just make sure that your audience can appreciate it. They will understand that you are not being cruel to the dead person, but, are just adding a little spice of shocking humor to the moment. If someone is very offended, then apologize, call them out on bringing the subject up to you in the first  place knowing full well you are gonna say something meanly humourous, and, make a mental note to yourself to never see this person socially. I seem to be the first person people contact when someone kicks the bucket. Many family and friends want to hear my wicked words of wisdom about a fallen human being. And, I will pipe up with some comment. But, as I have gotten older and realize that certain things that were funny as a young man are no longer funny I pick and choose my targets. Most of the time I go after worthy villains, like a celebrity murderer or someone who is Pope, that deserves the cheap shot. I made a slew of jokes about Lance Armstrong because he deserves all my venom for his prick-like way of hurting people. That is a worthy target. Someone who is suffering from a cruel disease or mental retardation should never be a subject of humor. That perosn who makes those jokes usually will get a tongue-lashing from me. But, a little salty or black humor directed at a horrible person-- whether alive or dead--- should never be judged as ''too soon''. And, one last thing. If I do not like or respect a person when they are alive, then I will not suddenly change my mind because they died. If I hate you in life I will hate you in death........ Looking back at what I have have written I see that I have a bit of chip on my shoulder today. I do not mean to write a blog that is steering towards the negative. It is just that a few things about the world have been bothering me, and, I have designated this place as my release, my therapy, if you will. I hear back from many people who take time out of their busy lives to read these thoughts of mine. I do not express nearly enough on how much this means to me. I need to thank people more for visiting my spot here, but, I shamefully, do not show my deep caring that people are doing this. Thank you all!!!! I love all of you!!!! Lets all go out for a drink and cheeseballs!!!!!!

Dream Weaver

The sound of the voice was almost Heavenly. One of those voices that are mixed with a choir singing in a church. Almost like the angels were all in unison with the forces of the Thereafter. I do not want to state this in hyperbole terms. The worst thing to do in writing is to overwrite, or, writing that tries too hard. But, I know what I heard and it sounded very holy...... Recently, I had a strange dream. It was the last dream before I woke up in the morning, so, it is the most prominant dream of the night. My dreams have always been endlessly fascinating to me because I have always had a strong imagination. In slumber, magnify those thoughts and you have some quality entertainment going. Like all of you, my dreams show some sense and some head scratching. We have all had that dream that you are in some place familiar, yet, when you wake up and try to piece together what the dream meant, it doesn't add up. You know the area very well in your subconscious, but, the conscious shoots down the blocks of logic. Some dreams mean a lot, some are filler. Some please you enormously, some scare the hell out of you. My dreams are filled with energy, which is probably why I move around a lot in bed when I sleep. Some women I have been with say I spin this way or that on a regular basis. I may not show a lot of piss and vinegar when I am awake. In sleep, I am a house on fire...... So, the dream the other night unfolded like this. I was walking in the past. It was my parents house, the house I grew up in. In the backyard there were several animals slowly walking--- in a fog---- towards that haunting voice. That voice was saying one word: ''Mommy''. Watching the scene from behind the screen door I noticed that the slow motion of the animals were being drawn towards the voice [ remember, it sounded like a church choir] and, the animals were being driven upwards towards the sky. Suddenly, my sister's dog appeared in my arms. This dog is one of those snowball type of small dogs. I knew that I needed to protect this small dog because the other animals suddenly became predatory. I had the sense that the dog would be torn apart by the other animals had I released it. I was the protector. While all of this was happening, the choir and the multiple voices were singing, in that Heavenly voice, ''Mommy'', over and over again. It was a comforting sound. I felt warm and in touch with whatever the next stage of life is. In my dream I found myself starting to go towards that voice. Then, I woke up...... The obvious explanation of the dream comes immediately. I was, subconsciously, calling for the love and comfort of my Mom's embrace to save me from the wild and dangerous world. The animals represented the dangers of the world. And, me, longing for the safety of a Mother's arms. No other place in your life offers the safety and comfort and love than a Mother's arms. So, I get that part of the dream, that a part of me [ and, all of us] will always long for that embrace. Combined with the fact that she has been gone many years, brings the Heaven connection in. I understand the spine of the dream. But, I look deeper into dreams..... The human mind is a vast warehouse of memories and thoughts. It is said by scientists that we only use a small portion of our brains in life. If true, then the untapped part of our brains must be wired into some force not of our conscious. Perhaps, that is the genesis of dreams.... I am no expert, to be sure. My thoughts are purely speculative. However, I have always put a lot of stock in what we dream about. Dreams do contain our fears and desires that are buried in our mind. Hope and pain run parallel in our day when we are awake, so, naturally, it spills over into our restful slumber. Now, this is where I may be completely wrong, but, I also believe that dreams show us the next life and how we communicate with that life. I have had those moments when people I have loved have come to me and dropped off a touch of their magic. Usually, these are fleeting moments, but, during those moments, a feeling is passed between them and me of happiness and contentment. They smile and say nothing. That smile, though, speaks volumes of the warm and comforting feeling they have governed to me. I am always charmed by the visit and look forward to return visits. They, sadly, do not happen often. I am always there, though, for the reunion...... Dreams also allow the viewer to enter into a world of imagination that we can't practice in our everyday life. I meet the famous in my dreams and hobnob with them with great joy. I have had extraordinary conversations with historical movers and shakers. We are all roaming the same orbit on even terms. No one is superior, no one inferior. So, I gladly give advise to Jesus while I bask in his greatness. Abraham Lincoln thrills me with his oratory, while Bogart shows me the fine art of getting hammered. All of these people are welcome to swirl around with each other and intermingle. And, of course, the hot women in history are always most welcome. Cleopatra with her sexual overdrive. Marilyn Monroe cooing in my ear her version of ''Happy Birthday'' [ JFK gets pissed ]. Megan Fox begging me for a moment of my time to satisfy her every need. Faith Hill getting jealous about my attention being directed at Megan. And, me, the PEACEMAKER, the person who loves bringing people together, showing Megan and Faith the benefits of loving each other while I proudly watch their reconciliation. All are welcome in the kingdom of my dreams..... I also have the dark dreams. I have had the dreams of being pursued and being caught. For some reason, a wild animal attacking me has always haunted me in my sleep my whole life. Alligators chasing me. A big toothed animal-- a monster, really--- closing in on me and ready to rip me apart. I have also had the murderers following my trail, attempting to do me harm. Like everyone else, I wake up, not so much in a cold sweat, but, with my heart beating faster. I guess I have a lot of internal fear in me. In my sleep, good and bad mix with my soul's fears....... An interesting thing happened to me when I started working at a school several years ago. You know that dream you have of being in high school again, and, reliving the anxiety of your teenage years? Well, that dream went away from me when I started at the school I work at now. Now, I have the opposite dream. About the real world and working in it again. Because I was in sales for many years, those dreams are now about me unable to meet a deadline and feeling the fear of losing my job. But, the school dream is no longer part of my nocturnal imagination..... I have very familiar people, regulars, in my dreams. I call them my ''Dream Friends''. When I wake up I have no idea whom they are, but, under the influence of a deep slumber I find them very familiar. They are always there for me. They might be holdover friends from a previous life who have decided to cross the bridge with me into this life. They are nameless, with no personal history or distinctions to their beings. However, they are there for me, non-judgmental, ready to ride with me on my dream cycle. Like the very real loved ones that I have in my awake life, these ''Dream Friends'' are forever seared to the core of my soul...... A frustrating thing for me when I sleep is my lack of eating food. More specifically, my tast of food. All of you know how I love to glory in the world of gluttony. I am a fierce supporter of eating unhealthy foods that will shorten your life. Granted, its not good that it will kill you before an old age, but, at least, you are going out on your own terms. To me, the ultimate bad dream and nightmare is to be attacked by a big salad. No, I have dreams of my Mom's cooking. This Irish beauty, with the patience and love of an angel [ which, she is in Heaven, along with my Dad, Brother, and, relatives and friends ] was the best damn Italian cook you could hope for. Pizza? You truly have never had great tasting pizza until you had my Mom's. Lasagna? She would have destroyed Italy with the quality of her lasagna. And, occasionally, I dream about her cooking. But, I awake before the taste test. Yes, it is frustrating. I do know when I finally cross over and I am reunited with all of my loved ones Mom will have some food waiting for me. Until then, I just have to dream about her gravy..... Maybe, you experience this in your dreams, but, I am forever youthful. I do not feel the 25 pounds in extra weight that I normally carry, nor, the aches and pains of advancing age. I dream with clarity and vitality. As one dream unfolds into another, I am an enthusiastic viewer of what is coming next. Sometimes, I am brave, sometimes a coward. Sometimes, I am the hero that saves the day, sometimes, I am the victim that is hunted. I dream of the past and revel in going back. At other times, my future is spread out in front of me and I can't wait to experience it. Perhaps, that is where deja vu comes in. It feels familiar because I have already experienced the feeling in my sleep. Scientists explain it is as your central nervous system experiencing something before your conscious has, therefore, when you brain gets the feeling it seems like you have experienced it before. Damn scientists always ruin a dream! But, maybe, my theory holds weight.... It is very easy to overanalyze a dream. It is good, I believe, that we wonder about things in life that have no final answer until we reach death. Then, hopefully, we will have all of the pieces of the puzzle put together. Until then, I am content to have some pieces that do not fit. One piece is the explanation of dreams. No one knows the true answer--- doctors and psychiatrists like to push that they know, but, they don't. My dream of hearing the word ''Mommy'' over and over again while I was trying to defend a defenseless dog was most likely my desire to revert back to a more innocent time. It does not mean that I am afraid or will be retreating from the real world. Quite the contrary, I embrace the challenges of life [ as long as they are manageable challenges ]. But, to dream a dream about a dearly missed loved one also fills me with joy mixed with the sadness of longing. The all-encompassing love that a child has for his mother is still there, ready to be tapped into...... May I never lose it......

Woody And Mia And Soon-Yi

I am usually able to separate the person from their work. Some people, I do not have much respect for as a person, but, their work thrills me. The opposite, sometimes apply, where the person seems wonderful, but, the work is God awful. Every once in a while the two will come together. In show business there are clearly lines drawn down the middle. Woody Allen is a prime example..... I admire much of Woody Allen's work. I like his films from the early slapstick comedies to his human relationship stories. He fails occasionally, as all artists do, but, he has a strong batting average in terms of the quality of his work. Woody Allen, filmmaker, I am a big fan of. Woody Allen, private citizen, I have tremendous contempt for.......Woody Allen and Mia Farrow started their romance together in 1980. She has starred in many of his movies, some of his finest films. They never married and kept separate homes. In the course of their relationship they adopted two children, Dylan Farrow [ now known as Malone ] and Moshe Farrow [ now known as Moses ]. The couple also conceived one child together, a son Satchell Farrow [ now known as Ronan Seamus Farrow ]. Mia Farrow also has several other children. Some adopted, some biological. One of these adopted children is a young girl named Soon-Yi-Previn [ the last name comes from Mia Farrow's second husband, Andre Previn ]. Got all that? Get your scorecards out because it gets more complicated....... From 1980 to the ending of their relationship in 1992, Woody and Mia had a seemingly good and solid romance. It certainly was a non-traditional family unit, but, this is show business and the normal rules at play that we all follow in life escapes their daily lives. It might have been flaky--- because Woody and Mia, for all of their gifts as performers, are flaky people---- but, all seemed quiet of the western front. Then, they separated suddenly in 1992. The reason? Mia discovered, by accident, nude pictures of her  daughter, Soon-Yi-, taken by Woody. Soon-Yi was twenty at the time that the pictures were taken, so, she was of age. Mia confronted Woody about the pictures, and, he admitted to taking them. He also admitted to having an affair with the twenty year old. According to him, the affair with Soon-Yi had been going on for some time, but, he did not give specifics....... Now the story goes from shockingly sleazy to public ugly. Woody and Mia began a long public custody battle of their three children [ the two adopted children and their biological child ]. During this court case, Mia Farrow threw in a grenade that exploded in front of the public and blew the case sideways. She claimed that Woody Allen had sexually molested their adopted daughter, Dylan, who was seven years old at the time....... The public airing of the dirty laundry of these two famous people became juicy fodder for the media and the always ready to here juicy gossip public. Frank Sinatra, Mia Farrow's first husband and someone who she has always had a warm, distant friendship with, offered to have Woody Allen's legs broken for her. He also reportedly called Woody personally and said he didn't know what was going on there, but, ''I have my eye on you.'' Comedians and the general public went to town with jokes about the case and Woody Allen himself. The notorious shy and elusive Woody Allen, the professional schlep on-screen when it came to women, was, off-screen, it was charged,  a child molesting scoundrel, who was also having sex with his stepdaughter. At first, Woody played possum with the media, refusing all interview requests. Finally, as his reputation got more and more tarnished, he reluctantly gave a press conference--- where he just read a statement, but, answered no questions. He admitted his relationship with his stepdaughter, Soon-Yi, but, denied molesting his daughter, Dylan..... The court heard both sides of the case. The judge ordered a team of child psychologists to investigate the matter, which is standard procedure in cases like this. The psychologists would also interview Woody, Mia, and little Dylan. On June 7, 1993, after hearing all parties concerned, and, after having read the report by the team of psychologists, Judge Elliot Wilk gave his decision. In his 33-page decision Wilk denounced Woody Allen for carrying on an affair with Mia Farrow's daughter. By doing this, Wilk said, Woody was pitting family members against each other. He called Woody's behavior ''grossly inappropriate''. Judge Wilk said that it was unlikely that Woody Allen could be prosecuted for sexual abuse based on the evidence presented. While the experts concluded that Dylan was not abused, the judge said he found the evidence inconclusive. Judge Wilk called the report '' sanitized and therefore, less credible'', and added that he had ''reservations about the reliabilty of the report.'' Mia Farrow won custody of their children. Woody Allen was denied visitation rights with Dylan, and, could only see his biological child, Satchel, under supervision..... Woody and his team of lawyers immediately claimed victory on almost every level of the decision. His lawyers maintained that the charges were made up by Mia in revenge because of the affair with Soon-Yi. A scorned lover who went to any lengths possible to get back at her former suitor. Maybe. Lets hope that is true, not so much for Woody Allen, but, for the sake of the child, Dylan...... Woody Allen gave some interviews following the case. In one talk, he said, ''The heart wants what it wants.There is no logic to those things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.'' Ok. That is true in many cases. But, when you start any affair it is because you find the person attractive and want them. Love and  companionship for the other person comes later. Hopefully, it will be long-lasting and fulfill all of your desires, not just the sexual one. Woody Allen did not fall in love with Soon-Yi at first. He wanted her sexually. The heart was not in play here, only his genitals. Perhaps, love soon flowered for the two of them after a period of time, but, it was only sexual passion at the beginning of their time together. And, part of the passion had to be the naughtiness of what they were doing. Now, they broke no laws and they were both consenting adults. However, Woody Allen's heart was a cold, calculating heart. A selfish heart. A users heart. His heart did not care what the fall-out would be from this sleazy coupling with his girlfriend's stepdaughter. No, he wanted cheap sex...... In time, Woody Allen and Mia Farrow went on with their lives. There is still an iciness between them. Woody Allen wanted to have some contact with his children that he had with Mia, but, as the kids grew up, they wanted nothing to do with him. The son they conceived together, Ronan Farrow, hates him. On Father's Day 2012, Ronan tweeted, ''Happy Father's Day---- or as they call it in my family, Happy Brother-In-Law's-Day.''....... Woody Allen and Soon-Yi eventually married and adopted two daughters. As of this writing they are still together....... Ever since this case I have always had an uncomforatble feeling about Woody Allen. His films still show what a prolific and intelligent filmmaker he is . Watching his films is like being around wonderful sounding adults who mirror what we all live through everyday. There are laughs, but, these laughs are earned by recognition of life's foibles and the understanding that we all have. It may be called ''film therapy'', for we are exploring all ourselves through his characters. But, Woody Allen will always have my scorn for his private life. He was a scumbag for the ways he manipulated all those around him--- especially, a impressionable teenager--- for his own self- fulfillment. Many people I know will never watch his movies again because of what he did. I understand that feeling completely and agree with them. However, the movie fan in me, the person who respects the creation of art and the celebration of film, tries to look the other way. It is a tall order, I know. In a way, I am a hypocrite because I am repulsed by his behavior, and, yet, support his product. I am open to any criticism leveled at me for this. I can't defend Woody Allen, but, I can defend his films. Until it is proven that he did molest his daughter---- and, I will never see anything by him again--- I have to do the separation of the artist and the person.......

Bar Rules

There are many area in life I am no expert in. Example being this computer I am typing on. What goes into it, or, how it works, with all of its parts and wires, easily stumps me. After I push the submit button, my words fly out overhead, merge with technology, and, are delivered to you, dear and gentle reader. I am also no rocket scientist. You would very foolish to enlist me to do any math figures. If you needed surgery to save your life and I was your only hope to operate, then you would soon be headed to the nearest mortuary. Many things are beyond my scope of knowledge and ability. Now, some things I do know a lot about. And, one area I reign supreme in is my vast knowledge of bars..... I write this as a 47 year old man. Which means I have been going to gin mills---- legally--- for a good 25+ years. And, what a ride it has been!!!! Memories mounted on top of memories. Fun talk and serious discussions. I have bellied up to a bar more than some people, and, less than others. However, I do feel a certain expertise from years of looking at the world from the sweet comfort of a nice, dark bar. Therefore, I am feeling very expansive now and want to pass along some hard-earned wisdom to the younger crowd that are hitting the liquid haunts. These rules follow in no particular order: feel free to shuffle them around....... 1. If you are going to a bar bring money. This achievement sounds rather obvious, but, for some people they are professional mooches. They arrive with the announcement that they have only a few sheckles ringing in their pockets. Now, we drinkers have been in situations where you might be running short of money until payday. If you are drinking with friends [ always the best people to drink with ] you point this out to them. If they are a real friend they will twist your arm to go with them. They understand, and, will say something like, '' No problem. I will spot you tonight and you get the next time out.'' Guys don't keep track anyway [ women, sadly, do ]. Now, that is different then when someone you barely know---- a friend of a friend--- shows up, stays for a few rounds, eats the free food that the bar puts out, and, then makes a hasty exit when it is his turn to buy...... 2. Never let a female pick up a check. You hear me, young guys? Men do not let women pay!!!! I know it can be expensive, men, but, come on, be a man!!! Women are to be taken care of. And, lets face it, when the tab comes, they cost very little. You are the one who ran up the bill with endless rounds and shots. It is nice when a woman offers to buy. Let them have their moment, smile, and, gently take the check. It is the gentlemenly thing to do. Pamper and adore the fairer sex. They like it and it makes them feel good. And, as a thank you, maybe you will get a blowjob in the bar parking lot..... 3. No blowjobs in the bar parking lot. It is seedy and uncomfortable. Go somewhere more classy, like the drive thru at White Castle..... 4. If you are one of those healthy people who take care of their bodies, then not only do I hate you, but, going to a bar should not be an option. The whole concept of a bar is to beat up your body with unhealthy toxins. Yes, I understand that you want to be social with your friends--- and, you do serve a purpose in being the sober driver---- but, do not take up a prime seat at the bar and order diet coke. That seat is a valued resting place for the drinker who wants to get hammered. The bar does not want you there, regardless of what the bartender says, so you can eat the free buffet and leave a dollar tip. If you have to sit there, at least, buy a drink. Either pour it down the toilet, or, better yet, give it to me to drink. It shows the bar that you are supporting their capitalistic enterprise, and, I get a free beverage..... 5. If you are a jagoff then don't enter a bar. Or, even drink for that matter. We have all had this problem. The guy who has anger issues and has to let the bar know that he is the toughest person in the place. This is the biggest, most annoying problem in bar history. As we know, alcohol relieves a bad day and, hopefully, lifts your spirits. But, there is also the dark side. Alcohol, in some people, brings out the anger and bitterness that resides in some souls. It floats to the surface and then you have a problem for all present. Before you can say, ''Hey, Bartender'', the worm has turned and you are stuck with the obnoxious guy you cannot shake. He makes obnoxious sober guys, like myself, look bad. These people know that they turn into a madman with a drop of the grape in their systems, yet they still insit on bothering the rest of us, usually resulting in some verbal or physical confrontation. So, Mr. Bitter Guy, who hates all women and people who aren't miserable like himself, stay home and wallow in your pity privately. The rest of us do not need to hear it....... 6. Eat. Yes, you have been given a great gift walking into a bar. And, food is part of the fun. There is no pressure to eat healthy and have a drab salad. Go greasy and fat- filled to the core. Cheeseballs hold a special place in my heart [ they are also holding a special spot in the arteries around my heart ]. Cheese goes well with anything. When you fry it or grill it, well, you will know what real liberty is. Mozzarella sticks, onion rings, fries, pizza, etc, must be consumed at some point. Having a little nosh with alcohol is as American as baseball, apple pie, and rehab. Food also soaks up the alcohol, which can save you a little suffering from the hangover the next day.... 7. If you drink to brag about what a great partier you are, then you should not drink at all. Drinking is a social event, not a sporting event. It has been my sad experience that many young guys [ always in their 20's ] walk around and tell uncaring people about how much they can throw back and how they can drink you under the table. Ok, fine. Do that. No one cares. No one cares how fast you can jug a beer, or how many shots go down your gullet. No one care that you have been drinking since 10am today and are not drunk yet. No one cares about how much booze you smuggled into the Bears game. If you are drinking for these reasons other than the proper reason, then don't show up at the bar. No bar wants you. Chances are that you are a sloppy drunk, anyway. Stay home for everyone's sake. Or, better yet, go over to the angry guy's house...... 8. Any shot with a dirty, sexual name is not a good shot. I know some people [ women] find it funny to drink sexual sounding names, but, do yourself a favor and drink a real straight shot. With the fruity sounding names, chances are that you are not getting your monies worth of real alcohol..... 9. Always go to a bar with a good jukebox. The worst type of bar is a club with pulsating music that makes your ears bleed. These places, I admit, are good for bar pickups, but, beyond that, stick with the smaller bars. With these types of places you can control the jukebox and make friends easier. Of course, play whatever you want to hear. There are certain types of music that must be represented. Motown. Classic Rock. Sinatra. Electric blues [ not slow, depressing blues where the singer lost his wife when she ran off with his best friend and took the dog ]. Funk. Certain decades. Play music everyone knows so there can be sing-alongs. Have a party and dance. And, don't be timid about throwing in a wild-card song to introduce to people. It might become the bar song. Then, if you are still at the pub very late at night, when there are the staples---- those lonely, sad-sack people who are mourning some lost love---play the songs that tug at your heart and moist your eyes. Let the song play along with your private thoughts and broken dreams. Frank Sinatra will lead you into this world with his voice. No other person in the history of music is the voice of personal loss like Frank. Saloon songs cry out for him. Frank was a man who barnstormed through life leaving broken hearts and having his heart broken many a time. To hear Frank sing for his loss, strangely, soothes your soul. Bar songs are about mood and feelings. Whether you are rocking a song, or, crying in your beer, music is your best friend in a bar....... 10. Above all: Have Fun. It is simple advice, but, the most crucial. You go to a bar to have a good time. Whether you are with a group of people or are flying solo, the bar is there to make what you can with it. Enjoy the environment. Mix with the people or be comforted with your own musings. Use it as social therapy........ So, these are my thoughs about one of my favorite hobbies. It goes without saying that if you have a drinking problem, then you should ignore what I have just written and go seek help for yourself. For the rest of us, bars remain a cherished place to find a good time...... Now that I am done writing this I am gonna go find a good time!!!!........ Cheers!!!!!!

Hollywood Mystery: Natalie Wood

It is a strange story, even by Hollywood standards. It happened in 1981, so, with the passage of time you would think the interest would go away. The shelf life on any story is no more than a blink of the eye nowadays. Still, this case sputters on. And, now, with the reopening of the investigation--- and, the rumors which are getting stronger--- we may finally learn what happened that November night when Natalie Wood drowned...... The facts are these: Natalie Wood, 43 years of age, was found floating in the Pacific Ocean, just off  Santa Catalina Island on the morning of November 29, 1981. She had been in the water several hours before her death. A small, rubber inflatable dinghy was nearby. The autopsy report said that she had a blood alcohol level of 0.14, almost twice over the legal limit. She had two types of prescription drugs in her system, one for motion sickness and one that was a painkiller. Both drugs were legally prescribed by her doctor. However, because she had these drugs in her system, when mixed with the alcohol, this made her even more intoxicated. There were also bruises on her body and arms and an abrasion on her left cheek. The coroner, Thomas Noguchi, concluded that the bruises had occured when she fell in the water, perhaps, hitting the boat or dinghy along the way of the fall. Natalie Wood was on the boat with her husband, Robert Wagner, and, also two other men, fellow actor Christopher Walken, and the ship's captain, Dennis Davern. All three men later testified that after a night of dinner and drinks, the two actors went to bed and Natalie stayed up. After the men retired, nobody saw her again. After a certain amount of time, Wagner became concerned that he could not find his wife anywhere on the boat. After checking with Walken and Davern, Wagner called the shore patrol, who then alerted the police. Robert Wagner told the authorities that his wife was missing and that a dinghy was also missing from the boat. The police asked Wagner if he thought that Natalie would have taken the dinghy out by herself. Robert Wagner did not think so. His wife was terrified of deep water...... The coroners office, working with the L.A. police, concluded that it was an accidental drowning. No foul play involved. It seemed like a sad ending to one of Hollywood's most popular stars. From childhood star in ''Miracle On 34th Street'' to ''Splendor In The Grass'' to ''West Side Story'', Natalie Wood seemed to have a charmed life. She was beautiful, popular, certainly dated around with the famous, and, was generally well-liked in the industry. She was married [ for the second time ] to Robert Wagner, himself a well-liked, if lightweight actor. They had children together and seemed to be the Golden Couple. Natalie Wood seemed to be on top of the world. There appeared to be no dark clouds in her life. Her only fear in life, of all things, was of drowning in deep, dark water....... Soon after the investigation was closed, the rumors started. Natalie Wood, it was determined by police, decided either to get away from the boat for awhile and took the dinghy out into the water, or,  perhaps, she heard the dinghy knocking against the boat and tried to untie it and then fell in. There was a story that a boat nearby heard a woman crying for help in the middle of the night. This voice was pleading for someone to save her from the water. The nearby boat frantically searched for the source of the cry, but, found nothing. If this story is true--- and the police did check out the lead, but, found nothing came of it---- then why did not Wagner, Walken , and Davern not here the same voice? If Natalie accidently fell in the water, unless she knocked herself out somehow, there must have been some call for help from her. She was conscious, according to the coroner, for a little while. Why did the three men not hear her?......... There have been other rumors of this night that have always made the rounds in the gossip mill. One story was that Wood and Walken were having an affair. They both, at the time of her death, were co-starring in a forgettable movie together called, ''Brainstorm''. The stories that came from the set of the movie of a location fling between these two already were widespread. Robert Wagner must have heard them. Wagner himself, the star of the TV series, ''Hart To Hart'', was the subject of much gossip directed at the chemistry he and his co-star, Stefanie Powers had. Surely, Natalie Wood must have heard these rumors also. Why, Walken was invited on that ship that night has always kept people wondering. Allegedly, there was some kind of fierce verbal fight between Wagner and Walken at dinner that night. Over Natalie, perhaps? Another rumor that night was that the three were engaged in a threesome. And, there has also been the open question of why Natalie had bruises on her. Did she receive them before or after she went into the water? Finally, the big question: why did a woman, notorious for her fear of dark water, attempt to go out alone on a dangerously small dinghy in the middle of the night?..... Something else happened in this story. For years the pieces did not add up to a logical conclusion. What did the boat's captain know? Does he know more and was paid for his silence. Or, does he know nothing and is innocent in this? Was Natalie Wood beaten by someone on the boat before her drowning? Maybe, by a jealous husband, with alcohol in his system, confronting his wife's lover? And, what is Walken's role in all of this? What does he know? Both Walken and Wagner have dodged this question for decades. Walken denied having an affair with Natalie. But, a public denial does not mean that nothing happened between the two of them. And, Robert Wagner. He sure rebounded quickly after his wife's death. Within months, he was living with his future wife, Jill St. John. We are talking only a few months after Natalie's death. Mr. Grieving Husband sure was in a hurry to run to another woman's arms...... So, recently, we have the investigation reopened. There might be something to these rumors after all. The coroners office and the police have determined that Natalie Wood may have received her bruises prior to hitting the water. If this was true, then there was a raging male on board who gave her these marks. Someone who was  angry enough at her to possibly do harmful and deadly damage to her. There are only three who could have done this, remember. And, finally, the boat's captain, Dennis Davern, has come out within the last year and said that there was indeed an argument that night between the three actors. Why he has kept his silence this long is a mystery [ usually, when someone breaks a silence, money is the reason ]. But, his speaking up cannot be dismissed. He would be a reliable witness, certainly, the most important. Wagner and Walken continue to deny any foul play, but, if I was Wagner [ whom I have always suspected ] I would be a little worried. I am sure he has contacted a lawyer recently...... The coroner's office has amended the death certificate these last few days in the death of Natalie Wood. The cause of death went from being ''accidental drowning'' to ''undetermined''......

Vegas, Baby!!!

Cool just seemed to surround them like air does us mere mortals. It oozed from them. When they walked, stood still, smoked a cigarette [ always holding it like Bogart did ] and, of course, when they performed, cool was their constant companion. Only one of them was a truly fine actor, but, two of them were exciting to watch in their own right, and, the other two were harmless filler. They were not equals--- either in talent or personality. They had one Leader. He strode the planet like a man picked by God to lead his minions. Maybe, he was. They had swagger, good-looks, self-confidence, and charisma. They were saddled with a name that they abhorred, but, it was the name that they public embraced. They were The Rat Pack...... Mythology has long surrounded this group. They are all long gone to the other side, but, the startling image that they projected is stronger than ever. We know of their story, with the broads and the booze and the horseplay that was their M.O. And, truth be told, when they were on stage together, they seemed more intent on entertaining themselves than the audience. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr were electric performers when they performed solo, but, onstage with Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop they all acted like immature teenagers. Entertaining as hell, I grant you. However, if you wanted a solid performance, it was better to see them when they performed alone..... The first-- and, best--- of the famous Rat Pack movies, is''Oceans's Eleven''. The story is simple: old war buddies gather in Las Vegas on New Years Eve to rob all of the big casinos at once. The movie is slight in quality. But, it soars tremendously in fun. They were playing towards the camera and the audience is in on the fun as fellow henchmen and women. They were having a raving ole time and wanted us to get close to the action. And, they succeeded. Normally, this type of smirking and winking borders on megalomania and arrogance [ see Burt Reynolds movies with a speeding car ]. Somehow, though, all is forgiven and we, the audience, enjoy ourselves because we know they are enjoying themselves on the old big silver screen. Following the plot is not necessary. Just sit back with a cocktail and enjoy the fun..... The filming of this movie was some story!! Sinatra, as we all know, had power over everyone. He convinced the casinos of Vegas in early 1960 to let him and his buddies shoot their little caper movie and not be bothered. They shot the movie during the day and performed two shows a night at the Sands. Then, the action really started!!! The boys would hit the casino to do a little gambling. People, us mortals, gathered around them to watch and gawk. They were still relatively young, and, certainly, vibrant. After the gambling--- which always included women and the ever present consumption of booze--- they would head to Frank's lavish suite in the Sands and party until the wee small hours of the morning. More women and booze followed. And, then the boys would find the partners to pair up with for the evening [ except for Joey Bishop, who was faithful to his wife and usually did not make the after-show scene]. Wild scenes of debauchery are always associated with rock stars, but, these men blazed a trail with their partying that other, future musicians, rushed to emulate. Frank was the most dedicated to having fun with the fairer sex. Hookers, showgirls, and regular ladies of the day and evening would go in and out of his bed, sometimes as many as three with Sinatra at once. Sometimes, there would be John Kennedy in the suite to party with the Pack. Sometimes, mobsters like Sam Giancana to mix it up with the group. Anyone who liked a good time was welcome. Frank called it ''Ring-A-Ding-Ding'' time. Sexual freedom and hard drinking and blowing off firecrackers reigned all night long. When the next day would arrive, these men, bleary-eyed and hungover, would stagger to the Sands steam room to clear the body of toxins. Then, they would head to the movie set to start the process all over again. Many days were spent going on no, or, very little sleep. When you are these Titans and live like they did, sleep is just an irritant in life anyway..... Frank Sinatra was a supreme talent. If he hadn't had been the greatest and most influential singer of the 20th Century, then he would have made his mark as an extraordinary actor with limitless range. Not in this movie, but, many others in his career, Frank showed a stellar ability to bring a character to life and give it his all. You wanna see Frank excel in a role? Check out the original ''Manchurian Candidate''. He shows a sensitivity and vulnerability absent from the lark of his Rat Pack films. Always compelling to watch sing, Frank showed such promise as an actor that he seriously considered giving up singing to concentrate fully on acting. Wisely, he stayed with singing. However, this multi-talented man [ arguably the most talented man in the history of performing] could have succeeded in anything he attempted..... Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr also showed some chops as actors. Both seemed to be happy playing second and third fiddle to their Leader. Sammy, a bundle of talent and drive, was the little brother in the group. He was constantly teased, affectionately, and, at times, cruelly, as younger brothers are. All of these men fought the prejudices of the day. Sammy was caught in the hypocracy of being able to entertain in the main room at the Sands, but, he had to enter the hotel through the rear entrance. At first, he was not allowed to stay at the hotel that he was earning money for. Frank stepped in and changed the color barrier for not only Sammy, but, all blacks in Vegas. Frank championed civil rights his whole life. However, he and Dean would cross the line of taste onstage when teasing Sammy. Make no mistake, they loved Sammy and would have killed for him. But, some of the lines bordered on racism. Sammy  laughed, and, as he later related, gritted his teeth at some of the barbs. It was explained by defenders of Frank and Dean that by making fun of the stereotypes in race realtions they were bringing down the borders and prejudices of the day. That was stretching it a little bit. Every race and nationality should always be open for the sport of humor[ Frank and Dean called each other Dago], but, when it came to Sammy they were a bit too cruel. Sammy, however, always knew they loved him. There was a genuine feeling of love and respect that the Top Three in the group had for each other..... Dean Martin was the loner of the three. He liked his booze and women, but, did it quietly on his own terms. Many nights after being onstage he would stop by Frank's suite just for a drink or two and excuse himself by saying ''I have a broad waiting for me in my room.'' They did not believe him, but, because he was Dean, he was excused from Frank's orbit. Dean wanted solitude away from the madness. He did hook up with women--- many times there was in fact a women waiting in his room for him. And, many times, he was alone in his room, sipping milk and watching one of his beloved western films on TV. He also wanted to get to bed relatively early because he loved early morning golf. While he and Frank were the best of friends, Dean never did have all the devotion and obsession of Sinatra that Sammy did. Frank could walk on water in Sammy's view. Dean had a cooler impression of the Leader. He viewed him as an equal. This gave him a great gift: Frank Sinatra's respect......Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop were the scraps in the group. Lawford owed his membership in the Pack because of his family connections. He wife, Pat, was the sister of John F Kennedy, soon to run for President Of The United States in 1960. Peter was a lighweight but charming man of modest talent. No great shakes as an actor or singer. He was the good-looking mascot not to be taken seriously. Like Sammy, he idolized Frank. He got girls for Frank, who then got girls for Jack Kennedy. That was the bond of all three men. Three swingers enjoying showgirls galore. It shows you the morals of Jack Kennedy that he was partying with his brother-in-law who was married to his sister. But, cheating Lawford was, and the showgirls flew in and out of Jack's and Frank's rooms. One of these girls was named Judith Campbell. She was one of Frank's girls whom Kennedy fancied. Soon, the Senator from Massachusetts and the Party Girl Campbell were lovers. Not long after they started their two year affair, Frank introduced Campbell to another friend of his, Chicago mobster Sam Giancana. The future President and the most powerful mobster in the country shared Judith Campbell as a mistress. And, all because of Frank Sinatra. He wasn't called the Leader for nothing....... Joey Bishop was only in the Pack because he made Frank laugh. Joey was a minor comedian of not much talent. His whole career unfolded because of his connection to Frank Sinatra. He would have some success later on in his career with talk shows and small parts in movies. Still, he was the odd man out. If you were to redisgn the Rat Pack I would put Don Rickles as the fifth member. His style of lethal humor would have blended very well with the antics of the Rat Pack. Imagine, the jokes Rickles would have made about the Mafia onstage!!!..... There is a scene in ''Ocena's Eleven'' that has been a strong rumor for years. About a third of the way through the movie Frank strolls into the casino. He passes several tables, all with the people turned away from the camera. One dark haired man sitting there is of note. This ''extra'' would eleven months later be elected President Of The United States...... The weeks filming ''Ocean's Eleven'' were in January and February of 1960 in Las Vegas. Then, they hightailed it to Hollywood to finish it. The movie came out the following August and was a rousing success. The public flocked to this film with its weak plot to have some fun [ or, ''hey, hey'', as Frank called it]. The movie is great fun because we all know that we were eavesdropping a little of these famous men and how they lived their lives. For most men, there is a little fantasy in our minds to live life like they did. No rules. Nobody telling you what to do and how to behave. No time clocks and no restrictions. Male bonding at its best. Five men showing the world their performing talents and their intense loyalty towards each other. And, the booze mixed with the broads. Show me a man who hasn't once or twice, in his mind, planted himself in this group and I will show you a man who doesn't know what a good time is. Those of us who believe in monogamy and the love of a good women can also appreciate the thought of tearing up the town....... The Sands is long gone, along with The Rat Pack. The magic days of ''Ring-A-Ding-Ding'' ended with the death of JFK in 1963. Soon, rock and roll took over and the Rat Pack became old hat. They aged and grew mortal--- something that they never thought would happen to them. Lawford was thrown out of the group when Sinatra felt he was disloyal when JFK snubbed a visit to Frank's home. Frank took his rage out on Peter and closed his friendship with the British actor. Lawford tried and failed to get back in Frank's orbit. He would divorce Pat Kennedy, and, he would lose control with booze and drugs as the years went on. He died in 1984, never reunited with Frank.....Sammy was next to go. Years of alcohol, drug, and nicotine abuse took its toll on this little man and he died in 1990..... Dean died in 1995. He had a strong career for many years after the Vegas days with the boys and was one of the biggest stars around for a long time. But, in 1987, Dean lost his son, Dino Jr, in a plane crash and grieved himself to death. He became a recluse. Frank tried to save him, but, Dean did not want to be saved. He died as he lived. A loner, who went out on his own terms......The Leader was next. Frank still tore up all life around him into his 80's. Still drinking and smoking like a young man. The broads fell away with his fourth and last marriage to Barbara Marx. He toured the world relentlessly to massive audiences. Age caught up with him in the 1990's. Bladder cancer and heart problems. He died in 1998 of a heart attack. He died kicking and screaming into death. He went to the ''Big Casino'' His Way.......Joey Bishop lived out his final years quietly with his wife. No alcohol or smoking for him. He passed away in 2007 of old age...... The Sands imploded in 1996 to make way for the Venetian Hotel. I was in the Sands the year before it closed. The Copa Room, where the Rat Pack reigned, was no longer. When I went back in 1999, I saw a plaque on the floor of the Venetian. It was where the old Copa Room was supposed to be. Myself and various other people stopped for a few moments over this little monument to fun. Perhaps, without saying much, we were all thinking the same thoughts. We were listening for the ghosts of glories past. We were trying to catch lightning in a bottle for a lost time. We were trying to hear five men, full of life and energy, entertaining in a way that would never come again.... And, I'm sure we all wished we could go back for a little while to have some ''Ring-A-Ding-Ding''........

America Honors

Having been off for a few weeks I have been able to catch up on some long-overdue TV watching. I rented the old series ''Night Gallery'' from the early 1970's. This show was the follow up series for the great Rod Serling after his legendary ''Twilight Zone'' show. ''Night Gallery'' is a program I have dim memories of as a kid. My Dad loved it, but, it scared the hell out of me when I was a small boy. The show now, some forty years later, still holds up. And, true to form, I was a little rattled by some of the episodes. I watched them as you should with a show like this: alone, late at night, in the dark. I recommend the rental for anyone interested in these types of shows. I also caught up-- via YouTube--- the yearly program ''The Kennedy Center Honors''...... This show does what it advertises. It honors those artists in the performing arts. It is a marvelous cross-section of the creative. This year they honored: Dustin Hoffman, David Letterman, Chicago bluesman Buddy Guy, ballerina Natalia Nakarova, and, most surprisingly, Led Zeppelin. If you have never seen the show, it consists of the honorees sitting in the balcony of the Kennedy Center, surrounded by family and friends, and, the President and First Lady. Each artist is given about twenty minutes in tribute. The selection of those asked to honor the honorees usually is reflected on those who have followed them in the same field and are most influenced by the award winner. The honoree sits and listens as his or her life is reenacted. It is part tribute, and, part celebration of said person. It is not fawning in the least. Rather, it is a respectful thank you to this person for advancing the cause of the artist. A tear is shed by the artist towards the loving way they are celebrated. Sometimes, the viewer will share along with that tear.... Dustin Hoffman batted lead-off for the show. Robert DeNiro came out and saluted his fellow thespian. A series of clips is standard in this show. For a few minutes the viewer is taken back in time through the work of the artist. With Dustin Hoffman, it is a rich, rewarding experience. A trailblazer because on his non-matinee idol looks, Dustin opened the door for those people who followed in his footsteps that might not have been the best-looking in class, but, they sure were the most talented. With the Hoffman clips the viewer is reminded what a national treasure this man is. From ''The Graduate'' on, he made watching acting a pleasure. Consider some of his titles, ''Midnight Cowboy'', ''Little Big Man'', ''Lenny'', ''Papillon'', ''All The President's Men'', ''Marathon Man'', Kramer vs Kramer'', ''Tootsie'', ''Rainman'', ''Wag The Dog'', etc, no one actor of the last forty years has shown the tremendous range that this man has. A notorious perfectionist and pain in the ass to work with, all of his colleagues testify that Dustin is like this not out of ego, but, a sense of purpose to make the work shine. Such a drive always needs to be applauded and not condemned. A few other, younger actors saluted him like, Liev Schroeber and Naomi Watts. They are the children of this man's influence. As is any actor who has followed his lead...... Ballet is not my forte. I have respect for any performer with talent, but, I will be damned if I could tell you anything about this art form. It seems to be about timing and discipline and constant attention to detail. There is a beauty to this dance. I will not disrespect this profession by commenting on it more, but, Natalia Nakarova, sitting on the balcony with all the others, sure deserves whatever accolades thrown at her. I do not know if I would ever follow ballet, but, for a few minutes on the broadcast, it was a pleasure being taken into this world...... Buddy Guy's name holds awe in the music business. People from Clapton to Richards, to anyone who has ever held a guitar cherises his influence. He came along in the blues scene in the late 1950's/ early 1960's period. British music was about to explode all over the world and the British stars learned their trade from black American bluesmen. Muddy Waters was front and center, along with John Lee Hooker. And, so, quietly, was Buddy Guy. He played the guitar like God Himself taught him the chords personally. A wailing sound emerged from his fingertips. In a fast-paced song that had everybody up dancing and singing, his guitar drove the action wherever it needed to go. In a sad song, his guitar cried the electrified tears of the sorrowful and lonely. He never rang the bell when it came to a Number One hit, but, popularity can be very deceiving. Madonna is popular, but, certainly no artist. Buddy Guy gave the spirit of the blues its backbone, crossing ethnic lines and bringing people together. Perhaps, that is his greatest legacy. The music stays in your soul and brings forth the hidden and unexplained euphoria that all good music does. I saw him live several years ago at his club in downtown Chicago. He played the guitar like a master, of course, but, he also lit up the crowd with his intense energy. The highlight of the show was when Buddy wandered the crowd with his guitar so his fans could experience him up close and personal. Then, he got more personal by walking into the ladies room and playing from there [ his bar, his rules ]! The Kennedy Center brought out the people he inspired: Bonnie Raitt, Jeff Beck, Tracy Chapman. While the man watched, they played him his music. From their souls to his. Also, ours...... Jimmy Kimmel, Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey, and Ray Romano all came out to honor Dave. That is what we came him. Dave. Any formal title like David seems so ill-suited for this blue-collar prince from Indiana. Which is why it is so ironically funny that Dave should be honored at something like this. He deserves the honor, certainly, but, has spent his whole career making fun of taking show business so seriously. This was the crux of what Baldwin and Company took with them on stage when talking about Letterman. How funny they all found it that Dave was sitting there being honred by his country and HE COULD NOT UTTER A WORD IN PROTEST!!! Dave takes compliments like the rest of us take getting a root canal. But, he gamely sat there and listened while his history was played out. And, David Letterman should be rightly proud of his place in the world. Starting out in Indiana in college radio and local TV [ he was a weatherman!] Dave followed his dream to be a stand-up comedian with moving out to Hollywood. His ultimate dream was to be on ''The Tonight Show'' with his idol, Johnny Carson. After a few years he was asked on and hit a home run. Johnny [ another person of whom we only needed one name for ] was immediately taken with Dave and asked him to sit in for him to guest host. This led to his career going through the roof, and, eventually, Johnny gave Dave the plum job of following ''The Tonight Show'' with his own show, ''Late Night With David Letterman''. It started in 1982, and, from then on comedy has never been the same. Every comedian who does a talk show now--- including Letterman's rival and one time friend, Jay Leno--- is influenced, and, in some cases, outright steals, from Dave. His speciality is ironic, sarcastic humor. In short, he is America's greatest smart-ass. When he came to CBS in the early 90's, Dave shifted his comedy to become more a commentator of current life than he had been before. In the aftermath of 9/11, Dave led the way back to normal life by being the first entertainer to go back to work. That show, about a week after the tragedy, remains David Letterman's finest moment as a performer and human being. He spoke from the heart and expressed the shock and pain of a country. It seemed all ad-libbed. All good emotions come spontaneously. Dave delivered genuine human feeling that could only come from a caring person. The person they honored that night at the Kennedy Center was the comedian. And, the sweet man buried beneath his insecurity. I thought I saw Dave's eyes wet from the tribute. I hope he likes himself a little more after this, and, finally realizes what a treasure he is..... I must admit to being shocked by Led Zeppelin being honored. Their music needs not to be defended. It took the blues of America and melded it with hard rocking British poverty to create one of the finest bands ever. Other than the Beatles, no other band in music history has influenced more generations than Plant, Page, Jones, and Bonham. No, their music remains above reproach. Rather, what stunned me is that once upon a time, Led Zeppelin was considered the ''Devil's Music''. Beyond dark and shocking, this music bordered on the menacing and, sometimes, frightening. They freely embraced Satan and all his power. Look at some old footage from way back in time. All they needed was Rosemary's Baby to show up at the concert to make the picture complete. This was the music your parents warned you against listening to. And, naturally, that made you want to listen to it more. Led Zeppelin had to be listened to at a friend's house because Mom and Dad would have thrown your album out had they known you had it. But, lost in all the imagery was a solid, working class group of musicians who played against the forces of nature. They were howling at life and trying to find the lightness through the dark. They seemed to find that lightness in the years that followed. They grew up and realized that they didn't need all the bullshit Satanism to make their statement. The music did it for them. Jimmy Page remains a true rock God. I can think of no other guitarist in rock who is more admired and imitated [ yes, including Hendrix ]. His name is spoken with awe from musicians. Robert Plant, along with Jagger and Morrison, defined the raw sexual energy of a lead singer. He also possessed the best scream in music. When he howled at those forces in nature it was the howl from his deepest primal soul. John Paul Jones, the underrated member of the group, was its driving force in terms of musicianship and artistry. And, the late John Bonham--- Bonzo--- played drums liked the madman he was. With Keith Moon as his rival with The Who, Bonham attacked the skins like he was fighting for his life. When he died in 1980, it was a testament to him that the band immediately disbanded. All that was left was their influence. That influence showed up on the stage at the Kennedy Center with artists such as Heart, Lenny Kravitz, Foo Fighters, and Kid Rock. The performance of ''Stairway To Heaven'' is really something to see. Watching from their seats, Plant, Page, and Jones saw their ''Devil's Music'' being celebrated by a country that was frightened by them. Now, a President was sitting only a few feet away..... America has always embraced the artist. The artist goes back to the spirit of why this country was formed. Artists almost always come from humble origins. They chase the big dream, as all Americans have been taught to do. So, in a way, ''The Kennedy Center Honors'' is very much a wonderful thing. Unlike, say, the Oscars, which reward ego and commerce, ''The Kennedy Center Honors'' celebrate the person and the achievement without money and stardom mixed in.... When the show starts, all of the honorees take a collective bow for the audience. And, then for the next couple of hours, America bows back......