''Dear Dad''......

''Dear Dad...... I hope, somehow, in some way, you can see these words. It is 19 years today that you went home to Heaven. I know, when you went through those big Pearly Gates, that you were greeted by the citizens of Heaven with all of the warmth and love that you experienced here in this life. I know that you are up there, among the angels. A spirit like yours must go on to a higher plane. Your vast energy that you had also must shine on. If Heaven is the type of place that we all have imagined it to be, I know you are front and center by God. And, I know that you are giving God tips on how to run the joint better. And, if God is the type of force I believe, then, God is approving of your suggestions......... So much has happened since you left us on that March day in 1996. A lot of it good. But, we have had some dark times. The family went through the dark days of the 90's, as you know, reeling from one crisis and tragedy to another. You were there for some of it but after you passed, there was a hole in the family. A big hole. Our strength was gone. Our leader. Our hero. The knight in shining armor that the rest of us always turned to when we needed guidance and wisdom and patience and love. You were all of those things for us and more. To suddenly not have you there tore us apart, never to be completely whole again. Our shield was gone, our protector. I know that you were looking down on us and wishing you could have been there to soften the blows of the cruel world, like you always did. You saw the pain of the love of your life, our beloved Mom, go through, even worse illness and suffering than you had experienced [and, you went through a lot]. You saw her struggle against her losing battle against fate, fighting with all of her strength. You taught her how to never back down against your enemy and fight the good fight. And, she did. Royally. That lovely Irish lass that you fell for all those years ago was a brave little soldier. I know you were watching her and your love and admiration for her increased as you saw her confront her problems head on. When she did pass away, that little angle bundled up in a fetal position when I found her, she had a smile on her face. That smile was for you and Tommy and her parents and Uncle Joe. You were all waiting for her when she crossed over. But, I know that smile was for you, especially. That smile was the smile of love that she had for you ever since that first day she met you. She would now be back in your arms, where she always belonged. For eternity...... I hope you and Tommy are having fun up there. Boy, as we knew down here, he was a handful!!! Like myself, you butted heads with him on many occasions. But, I know that both you and Tommy knew why it was happening. Love comes in many different ways. Sometimes, it comes at the top of your lungs. Tommy was a pistol, no question about it. I'm sure that pistol is still firing up there, covered in Heavenly spirit and love. Your first son loved you, I know you knew that. Many times, I saw the pride of you sparkle in his eyes. He wasn't verbal about it but it was there. In some ways, you two mirrored one another. We Scoleri men are passionate Italian men who are firm in our beliefs and opinions. And, we are not shy in stating them. Both you and Tommy---- duck your head, Dad, Tommy just hit another game winning homer in the Heaven baseball game--- looked at the same issue or problem from different angles but you both wanted the same results. Every family has the wild card, the child that doesn't fit the norm of the world. In our family, you can list them in alphabetical order. Tommy was a singular personality, a one of a kind who lived life to its fullest potential. I always said that he died as he lived, at full impact, seizing the moment. I know that you know that he loved you. Tommy never expressed it in words but it was always there. Up there, right now, I'm sure you two butt heads often. At the top of your voices. And, then, you laugh and you hug and you love........ Down here, things seem to be running smoothly. Lisa, that wonderful twinkle in your eyes, is now, as she has always been, a smart, kind, caring person. You and Mom gave me many gifts, but, the best sister in the world is on top. You always were proud of her. She was a girl, a very rare thing in the Scoleri family. And, she was your little show-off. I see the home videos of her dancing for whomever was around!!! Little Lisa, The Star!!! In those same films, there are cutaway shots to you and Mom. You are clapping and smiling. But, mostly, in those expressive eyes that you had, there is so much joy and love coming forth, that it is touching, even after all of these years. She never stopped being your ''little girl'', even as she became a woman. And, she became the woman you always wanted her to be, a classy, sophisticated woman, who is also independent and dependable. Do not fear, though: she is still your ''little girl'', who loves and misses you like I do......... Johnny and Joey. Your grandsons. God, how you idolized them!!! The legendary walks that you and Johnny took, when he was small, down to see the Rock at the end of the block. Johnny still talks about doing that with you and how special that was to him. He may not understand fully on how special that was to you. It was Papa and Johnny time, just the two of you. What you two talked about was between you two, never for anyone else to hear. Probably, Johnny cannot recall much of those talks but they are precious moments that are living on somewhere. There is a special place in time between grandparents and their grandchildren. Those times mingle in the ether, a parallel life of sweet moments captured between two people that are gone at this moment but live on in the universe of love........ Joey. He is a Scoleri, no doubt about it, even though he has his Father's last name. But, Joey is all dago!!! You were the first person to recognize that when he was small. Joey was only 6 when you passed but you made an impact on him, no question about it. Johnny has more memories of times with you but Joey has your spirit in him. Perhaps, unconsciously, but, you are there, I see it. He can be headstrong and confident in his opinions. He is quick and funny and has a great personality [ as does Johnny]. Joey works a room, like you and me. He can talk to the public in his job and he can also talk to the waiter in the restaurant taking his order. That comes from you. You got along with everyone and I see that in Joey. He is so much like a Scoleri that, on occasion, I am a little rougher on things that he does than I am with Johnny because I see the connection between the three of us. I jump on him for a mistake a little too harshly because I know he will have the innate feeling to understand where I'm coming from. Joey doesn't bullshit, like you and me........ And, both of your grandsons are fine fathers. Johnny has Jordan and Aidan. Joey has Manny and little Mason, just a few months old. They are all beautiful children that I know that you would get a kick out of. And, they would love you, too. You always had children immediately like you [ again, like everybody], so, I think you would find it an overwhelming joy to be with them and hold them......... And, that leaves me now, Dad. Your namesake. Let me tell you a story that happened in 1991, right before you got sick, that I feel expresses how I feel about you. We were at a wake for your Uncle Jimmy [who I always thought was a prick] and you were going around to family, saying hello. When you came to Aunt Antoinette, who was just sadly having her dementia take over her, she didn't recognize me at all. You tried and tried to tell her whom I was but the poor woman wasn't getting it. Finally, you said, ''Antoinette, this is MY JIMMY!'' And, strangely, she got who I was. But, what was important to me at that moment was your description of me. ''MY JIMMY!''..... Yes, Dad, I am YOUR JIMMY. No prouder achievement could ever happen to me. I could cure all of the world's diseases, become rich as a person could, wine and dine all of the beautiful women there are, and be universally loved, but it would always pale to being your son. I have lived my life as I thought you would want me to. With dignity and honor. Sure, I have made mistakes and bad decisions and had bad behavior, but, hopefully, I have kept those things at a bare minimum. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes, you always told me, just as long as you learn from them. I have, I believe. But, you always told me to take the high road, to never hurt anyone and to be a good person. I have tried to do this, and, I think I have been relatively successful. Not perfect, but, I can hold my head up high. You taught me that when you run into a person that is bad---as we all do--- to try to deal with them as best as I could, without sinking to their level and becoming what they are. I have always heard this voice in my head, your voice. That voice tells me to not go there, to still take the high road. When, on occasion, I feel myself waver, thinking that I might go to that dark side, that voice kicks in my mind. Your voice telling me to not go there. And, I listen. If I didn't, I would not be ''YOUR JIMMY!''......... There are many memories I carry of you, many, many, memories. They are nestled in my soul, forever sealed in my heart. I think of you everyday, many times laughing out loud at something you said or did. And, sometimes, I cry for you, for you not being here. Sometimes, the heartbreak of you being away is overwhelming. Sometimes, you feel so close, it is like I could reach out to touch you. I still wear your old robes at night when I am physically and emotionally cold. They spring forth your warmth and love. And, I swear, after all of these years, I can even still smell the scent of you in the robes. It is a comforting smell, the smell of a man who was the finest man I have ever known. You were and are my best friend. My adviser. My hero. The template of how a man should act. I guess I have been the man of the family ever since you left but I am just a replacement. Your spirit is still living in your family and your friends. Obviously, we all still think of you with a great deal of love. I wish the world had more men like you. It would be a nicer, special world........ Every year on Facebook, I always post the same Shakespeare quote that I think expresses best what you are now........ ''When he shall die, take him and cut him into little pieces. And, he will make the face of Heaven so fine that all of the world will be in love with night and pay no attention to the garish sun''.......... I know you have been making the face of Heaven so fine, just like you made life so fine down here.......... Dad, I love and miss you!!! It was an honor to be your son. One day, we will meet again........ Love, YOUR JIMMY!!''..........