Can You Go Home?

So, you are feeling overwhelmed by today's world and the problems of an adult. You have moments of pressure that bring you to your knees, raise your blood pressure, and make you cry out in frustration. You never had these problems long ago, when you were young. That was the innocent time, more innocent and carefree than you realized. You never had to worry about real-life, the sweet bubble of youth always surrounded you. Your only worry was school, and, even that, was a minor inconvenience. No, you worried about important things, like does the person you like really like you also? And, having enough money in your pocket to not pay those pesky adult bills you heard your parents talk about, but, money to have fun with your friends with. The innocence of youth, mixed with a life spent in a blissful swooning of happiness. The days were gonna last forever, right? And, when you did cross over the threshold into adulthood, you were gonna bring that carefree nature with you. Imagine all of our shocks when we gazed down from the Promised Land of Adulthood and came to the harsh realization that our glorious, innocence was long gone. And, that is when you could trace your longing for those childhood times that you wish for now........ The famous author, Tom Wolfe, once coined the phrase, ''You can never go home''. The meaning means not so much physically being unable to go home to where you lived but, rather, you can never travel back in time to your perfect recollections of the past, specifically, your youth. Of course, we all tend to idealize our youth through some minor rose colored glasses. Being young has its tough times--- for some, sadly, they are horrible times--- but, as you get older, you tend to not remember the bad parts but stick with the quality time. On reflection from the perch of middle-age, I look back on my youth fondly, with a great deal of love and happiness. I was lucky, I had great parents and siblings. We were far from rich, but, I always said, I would never trade money for the laughs and love we all had for each other anytime. And, there are moments when I wear my heart on my sleeve for those times. I'm no fool. I know they are gone forever [my concept of Heaven has always been that we encounter those good times again for eternity, along with the people we loved]. But, they are always close by to me, so close, I can almost touch them........ I know of no one who does not want to revisit the past, at least, for a short time, anyway. How can you not if those times brought you such joy? There is nothing wrong with those feelings. Unlike Mr. Wolfe, I do believe you can go home. But, only for a short visit. I find it fine therapy for the soul. It refreshes your spirit and, hopefully, recharges your batteries for the current state of your life. The trap, though, is longing for those bygone days too strongly. That could pose a danger. Living in the past does not bode well for your current life, let alone, your future. Just look at the example of the star football player in high school. Every school had one. And, after the final cheer for them has subsided, after the glory of winning has faded, after they go out into the world that does not hold any interest that the person was ''Big Man On Campus'', comes the sad awakening of a person who has lived his own best years before he could drink legally. Those are the ones that hold on to those years of acclaim in school, the popularity years when everyone knew their name, and relive those times over and over until they become a tragic shrine to themselves. With this self-imposed prison of past glories, comes, many times, substance abuse problems and bitter times. They sabotage any chance of present happiness by being pulled back to fallen memories of being the king....... There have been times when I have lived a little too deeply in a past moment. It usually involves a lost love and what we once had. I have gone back to the favorite restaurant we used to go to, sitting in the same booth we used to sit in. Or, playing that favorite movie that was ''our movie'' [we also had ''our song'']. Or, walking that special path that was our path of love. But, I soon realized on how damaging this was to me. Instead of finding the long-sought for comfort of the past moment, it made me even more sad and incomplete. SHE was not there. SHE would never again be there for me. WE would never find those special moments together. And, after I would come to these conclusions, tremendous loneliness would sweep over me. I soon abandoned these attempted grabbing of the golden moments. They would be better for me to stay in my mind........ The same applies for my parents and brother. They are gone and there has always been a hole in my soul about their leaving. A few years ago, the house that I grew up in was for sale. My sister, Lisa, and I joked about what would happen if I bought it. It was half-joking, I must correct. But, what if I did buy it? What would come of it? The answer is nothing but heartbreak. The reason is that the house could be in pristine condition, mirroring what it was when I was younger. However, the one ingredient is missing: the family that lived there. My parents would not be there, also my brother is absent. Lisa and I are still around, but, we are not the same people that lived there so long ago. That house is for the past, forever sealed to revisit. It also is in my mind, housed there with the good times and love that flowed all around me during that time......Still, is it wrong to have these thoughts of going back? I think it depends on the individual person and their motives. Are they going back for the warm comfort of a fond memory or to hide from the cold present? Again, it is to be judged by the individual. I think the football star or the popular head cheerleader would have different reasons of going back than the average person who was just revisiting a pleasant time from the past. Each must be respected for their passion for the past but, the former must be more careful than the latter when going back. Sometimes, it can be more damaging to the ''star'' than to the ''average'' person to spin back in the time machine........ I do not mean to undervalue or be overly critical of ''going home again.'' I embrace it on a cautionary level. I dream about the past but I make sure I always wake up to the present. The past does bring me joy [sometimes, against my best intentions, sadness will overtake the joy. Thankfully, these are minor incidents]. Many of my blogs have had the theme of the past and the people who are settled there forever. I enjoy a good night of ''Remember, when......?'' Sometimes, though, people around me have to jog my noodle to shake those times loose from the cobwebs of my mind. It goes along the lines of, ''Come on, Jimmy!! You remember that!''.......I like the past. And, I hope it likes me also.......