Abbott And Costello Meet WalMart

If you look at my Facebook profile picture, or, if you encounter me in person, you know I am no Brad Pitt or George Clooney. I am an average looking male of 46 who needs to shed a few pounds. That is fine by me. Most of us fall in the middle of looks [ shades of my previous blog subject, folks]. We would all like to look a little more attractive. But, you deal with the hands with which you are dealt. So, you make do. There are some really ugly people out there, though. And, they all seem to belly up to that mecca of the unwashed, WalMart.... Now, I do not go to WalMart often, most of my shopping I do at a few other stores. WalMart has made its name on low prices for their merchandise. That it good. Every family should go to these stores for economic reasons. It makes sense. My observation, however, is of the social scene that comes in the door. We have all seen the joke emails about the various slobs that filture through the aisles, relentlessly bumping all of us out of their ways with swirling fat and falling balls out of shorts. Even some of the men do this, too.... I just survived a WalMart visit. I stopped in to get some pop, beer, razor blades, bread, beer, pizza, toilet paper, and beer. The toilet paper aisle, I would think, see the most traffic in it, based on the size of the asses I saw grazing by it. I need to lose a few pounds, but, these people were so ugly and fat they hurt my feelings being around them. After squeezing past them I made a dash towards the main aisle, where I must have somehow traveled to another country. I spoke English, but, alas, no one else seemed to understand me. Now, many people say they do not understand me, but, I just think it is a convenient dodge so they do not have to talk to me. However, being the genial fella I am I mustered forward to search for other items. I asked one of the workers where the DVD's are sold. After carefully spelling DVD for her, she pointed to the garden section. I did not want to bother her. She had enough to do plucking out the various insects that found a home in her hair. Searching for another person to ask I realized these folks were the extras in the ''Star Wars'' bar scene. I am happy to say that they all look happy in whatever world they are in now.... I walked by the clothing and health section. They had many items that people seem to be interested in. Wife beater shirts, ten dollar suits, used Tampons. Two men got into a fist-fight over the last ''I slept with my sister'' shirt. I walked by the cologne counter. There was dust on the bottles. The deodorant section seemed to be a source of fascination for these people. Quietly, almost as if they would be afraid of waking the dead, mothers and fathers [ or, the guys thought to be the father] silently pointed out this odd device to their 10 children. They seemed to be telling their kids, ''Don't touch the demon deodoarnt, it will bite you!'' A priest was called in to exorcise the soap section. The soap stubbornly stayed, however, and, the shoppers cautiously crept by these shelves. Watching. Waiting. Terrified.... Some nices prices on the TV's at WalMart. But, for some reason all of the sets were turned to the movie ''Deliverance''. And, the customers seemed to recognize some family members in the flick. If you have never seen the movie, the plot concerns four city men who go ride canoes for fun and meet backwoodsmen who use the mens canoes for fun. During these scenes, the WalMart customers, and, employees, melded together as one happy community. There was peace and good feelings among the staff and public, as one of their own showed the city man how country justice is served. Some people aligned their kids next to the TV to have their pictures taken for posterity, and, future mugshots. I walked away from these people when they started to do the Wave.... Suddenly, the aisles were clear! With all of these people at one end of the store--- which tipped to that side badly, by the way--- I had free access to the register people. After ringing up my small amount of items, and, the register people using their toes to count, I wrapped my new belongings in their bags, after first throwing out the various body parts that were still in them. I headed for the door, counting my blessings. I was ducking several cars being driven by some life form before I made it to my car. Curiously, there was a hook on the handle. Anyway, I sat in my car and breathed a sigh of relief. I had survived the WalMart experience once again. A victor over the forces of in-breading and no-bathing. A man who had climbed over a mountain of fat and ear wax to better his life. I would be lying to you, dear reader, if I said that was not weeping openly. I breathed the sweet air. I marveled at the sunshine. I got out of my car and petted a dog. I helped an elderly lady cross the street before I took her purse. And, then, I drove home.... And, immediately took six showers....

Life In The Middle

I have always felt comfortable living in the middle. There is an openness and a feeling that I can experience anything. New sensations happen and old thoughts can be magically wiped away. There is no pressure to believe one way or the other. In life I have discovered that the questions and answers all blend together in the middle. No black and white, but, plenty of grey. I view every subject and every response from this angle. And, sometimes, it ain't easy, folks.... The best examples come from the strange worlds of religion and politics. When you are young you are taught to believe this way of thinking over that. The religion I was brought up on was the Catholic religion. With heavy doses of fear and intimidation miixed in the pot. I was told that our religion is sacred and all other religions are wrong. Therefore, I would go to Heaven and all other non-believers would be sent to Hell to burn. This scared me as a child because many of my friends were non-Catholics. They were small kids being brought up in diverse households. Innocent bystanders being told what to do and what to believe-- like me. I did not want them to die. I often would pose this question to my CCD teachers [ CCD was the every other Saturday morning brainwashing session for kids that did not go to Catholic school. If you put a gun to my head I cannot tell you a damn thing I learned with these money suckers]. My question would elicit some clearing of throats and convoluted answers to ponder. I suppose these ''teachers'' thought of my impertinance as a sign of a demon child. And, I'm sure their concern for my soul evaporated as soon as my parents sent in the donation for that month. By my teenage years I pretty much rejected their brainwashing and formed my own opinion of God. I am not an athiest, but, I am not someone who arrogantly believes to know all the answers in Creation. My thoughts are simple. I believe in God and the Afterlife. I believe that something came before me and is after me. Beyond that, I do not know of anything else. My feelings come from a gut feeling in my soul. Granted, they could be easily dismissed by science, but, this is one instance where I fault science. I am very happy living my life with my belief. I do not criticize or judge someone else thinking differently. Because that is life in the middle.... Politics is trickier when you live in the middle. Because it brings together all issues in life, including religion. If you were to list my opinions on any given subject, there again I would be, in the middle. Some may call it not wanting to take a side, but, the opposite is true. I am taking sides. It is clear cut for me, without any party allegiance, I am open to debate and learning. Take the abortion issue. Am I straddling both sides when I say that I am anti-abortion, but pro-choice? Many anti-abortion people do not seem to see clearly what the term ''pro-choice'' means. It is simple. You want to be able to choose how you want to believe on this issue without anyone-- be it your best friend or your government-- telling you want to think. I do not believe in abortion. There are cases when it may be necessary. I will leave that decision up to the woman [ and, only the woman] because I am not in the women's shoes. If I living her life then I can decide. I am not, however, so, the decision rests with her. I know women who have had abortions. These are not the local bar sluts who cannot keep their legs closed and use abortion for birth control. Rather, these are intelligent, thoughtful, loving women who made the painful choice that they have. For me to judge them, or, anyone else, is obscene to me. Along with their abortion comes guilt and thoughts on what might have been. Who among us has the audacity to tell them what to do with their lives? Again, this is not my way of thinking on abortion, but, I will fight for their rights to do what is best for them. Anti-abortion and pro-choice. Life in the middle... Guns are another subject that brings debate. With the horror of what just happened in Colorado the subject of gun control and gun laws begins again. This is the same argument that always happens after a tragedy involving firearms and death. It will happen again in the near future with the next tragedy that always seems to happen every six months or so. Being in the middle I see both sides of the debate clearly. Citizens should have the right to defend themselves in their own homes from an intruder. The Second Amendment says, murkily, something about the right to bear arms and a ''well regulated militia''-- which kinda means the National Guard. But, I believe the right to protect your home with whatever you can is correct. If someone breaks in I will be firing, and, I will let the law play out later if I am still alive. There is the other side. I do not believe in hunting. The term itself is laughable because hunting implies that it is you against them. I have never seen a deer with a shotgun. It is not hunting--- call it what it truly is, slaughter. Defenseless animals are being killed for sport. Now, some are killed because there is no food for them amd they are starving and so must be put out of their misery. This is a slim argument but I will accept it to be fair. After all, to be in the middle is to play fair. What I do not understand is why we continue to make more and more assault weapons. Guarding your home with a pistol is one thing. Having war-like arsenol in your hands that can be purchased over the counter is quite another. The bastard that shot up the Colorado theater was better equiped than many armies in Third World countries. Why are these things manufactured for public consumption? Not to protect ones own home, but, to do one thing: to murder. Perhaps, if this moron had a few pistols on him and not a ''Rambo'' type of weapon, many people would be alive today. It is speculation, to be sure. I do not know the answer. What I do know is that over a dozen people are dead who simply went out to see a movie. If those weapons were not so easily obtained then most of them would be alive. So, have your guns to protect, but, we should take another, harder look, finally, at the types of guns that are out there.... Many other issues face a man who lives in the middle: legallization of gambling and drugs, wars fought for our best interests, separation of church and state, tax cuts and increases, how the economy should be handled. I have my thoughts on all of these and, yes, they show the middle ground. There is one subject I plead guilty to be on one side of: the death penalty. There is no debate from the anti-death penalty people that will sway me. Murders and child abusers and rapists should be killed. Of course, they should be shown to have done these crimes beyond a reasonable doubt. We do not want someone who may be innocent to be put to death. But, when you have a Gacy or a Sandusky or this Holmes fuck from Colorado, the case is closed. There is no reason to keep them alive. Their victims, or, their victims families, may find some peace in these animals being put down. The anti-death penalty people believe that it is murder for us to kill them. Maybe, it is. But, it is justified murder. If I really have to explain to someone the difference between what Gacy did, and, the state putting these monsters to death, then that person will never get it. Will there be justice? I think so. Will there be an ease of the families pain? I think so. I am reminded of a man named Steven Judy, who in 1979 raped an Indiana woman and strangled her. Then, he killed her three small children by holding their heads under water until they drowned. At the time there was a spirited debate about whether Judy deserved to live. Are you kidding me? Fortuantely, he was put to death. I have no proof that his victims family found comfort in his execution, but, I'm betting they did. And, the same feeling should be offered to the families of the victims of Sandusky and Holmes. There is no middle ground here for me when it comes to the death of monsters. I am reminded of the line from the movie ''Apocalypse Now''--- ''Terminate. With Extreme Prejudice''..... With this blog I have seemed to wander off in various areas. That is common in people who live in the middle. Many topics occupy our minds and we must go with the thoughts wherever they may take us. Many of my friends are either committed to being a Democrat or a Republican on just about any issue. It is fun to spare with them. People in the middle like to provoke with a good heart. My family seem to be people in the middle, with a couple of exceptions. Maybe, it was our parents and how they raised us.... In nice Middle-Class home....

Candle In The Wind At 50

She died in August, 1962. At just 35 years of age. And, yet she is bigger in death than she ever was in life. Now, Marilyn Monroe was no small potatoes when she was alive. She was the ultimate sex symbol of the 20th Century. Beloved by men, obviously, but, curiously, she has always been beloved by women. It is highly unusual for someone who bases their whole career on sensuality to be embraced by all walks of life. But, she was. And, ironically, it was also her downfall... The stories have been well told about her. About her rise from an unhappy childhood to the peak of popularity around the world. Since she died so young, she is ageless. That happens when the fast lane living crowd burn out at an early age. James Dean will forever be the Rebel Without A Cause because he died in a car crash--- he was legally blind without his glasses, and for some reason, chose not to wear them when he drove. Hence, his car crash that killed him. But, he is immortal, like Marilyn Monroe, so, he retains an aura of youth and what might have been. The work of the fast burnouts of fame get magnified, so, they take on an historic claim that is debatable at best. For all her sex appeal and seduction, Marilyn was an average actress at best. Perhaps, had she lived, she might have grown into a capable character actress. She played comedy well, but, always as the ditzy blonde. In reality, Marilyn was quite intelligent. Much has been made about her love life and being dominated by strong men, but, the truth was that this girl from various foster homes could hold her own with the fastest and most brilliant men that she was involved with. She was no dumb blonde.... Except for when she got involved with some of these men. Some used her for sex, like various agents and studio rat executives. Some genuinely loved her and tried to protect her, like Joe DiMaggio and playwright Arthur Miller. Some loved her as a pal, like Frank Sinatra and his Rat Pack. And, some used her for their personal power play with women, like John Kennedy. Marilyn, I'm sure, saw the advantages of riding along with these men. But, her blind spot seemed to thinking that she could somehow tame them, which then, would allow these men to take care of her. She came the closest with DiMaggio. Whenever she strayed to a dark area of her life she called him. And, he was always there for her. Why their marriage never lasted seems to be because he wanted her at home behind the stove, not being ''Marilyn Monroe'', but, rather her just being Norma Jean. There was a strong part of Marilyn that very much wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother. She also loved the limelight and was drawn to this life. DiMaggio demanded that she choose. She chose the limelight. Even though it pained them both to divorce they did so on most friendly terms. They still loved each other and had reconciliations, but, never more than short intervals. They were the love of each others lives. Til her death, he was never more than a phone call away.... Her fame was both a blessing and a curse. That is how it is with many celebrities. They have that hole in their souls that love from family, friends, or, a lover, can never fill. The crowd cheers for them and the adulation washes over them, but, soon they are off the stage and they feel the loneliness creeping in. Marilyn was by no means alone with this feeling. When the hole needs to be filled that is when people like her turn to drugs and alcohol. Also, that is also when the leeches of fame come calling. There is usually no one there to tell them that they are self-destructing. The march towards death has begun and you lose your perspective of yourself.... It is fairly well-known that Marilyn was terrified of performing in front of a camera. This made her difficult to work with for the studios and her co-stars and directors. Perhaps because of this, she was never considered for the strong female parts of the 50's and early 60's. While she may bring in audiences, it wasn't worth the effort to employ her. This intensified her downhill spiral because she desperately wanted to be acclaimed as a actress. Like many before and after her, when the studios pidgeonhole you in a certain way it is hard to break out of that stereotype and strut your true abilities. She became swallowed up by her creation of ''Marilyn Monroe, Sex Symbol''. Despite her best efforts, she never killed her image of the dumb blonde.... Her most famous affair was with John Kennedy when he was President. This has become the stuff of legend. Just when it started and how long it lasted has never been documented, but, it did happen. There are various accounts in various books and documentaries. An interesting thing about something like this affair is that everybody around her at this time has a take on their affair. Some say it was serious. Some say it was fleeting. Some say she had a little red book with all the secrets that JFK told her. Some say it doesn't exist, and, even if it did, Kennedy would never disclose such secrets to an unstable woman like Marilyn. Housekeepers, fading Hollywood actors, private detectives, Secret Service agents, etc, have all put their two cents in about these two. When the dust has settled, it appears to be that they had a sexual tryst or two, but, nothing meaningful. Marilyn had to know that John Kennedy would never leave his wife for her. She also had to realize that he was a notorious ladies man who though that sex was a sport, not intimacy. And, also, there appears to be nothing about her and Bobby Kennedy. This are rumors and innuendo. Bobby Kennedy was a religious family man. His boss, J. Edgar Hoover, who hated him, kept many files on the Kennedy Family. There were stacks of information about Jack Kennedy and his philandering, but, there is no mention of infidelity in Hoover's files about RFK. If there was an affair with Marilyn, surely Hoover-- and, Bobby Kennedy's vast enemies--- would have used it against him. It seems that Marilyn and Robert Kennedy were just friends, which was a first for her with men.... How she died, and if she was murdered, we do not know about. Her death was ruled an accidental overdose. Until firm evidence is uncovered to prove otherwise this is the reason for her death. She was unhappy at the end. A victim of her own self-abuse and someone who was victimized by fame. Many used her and she used many. At the end there were stories about Frank Sinatra trying to save her [ after an attempted suicide by her at the hotel he owned] by offering to marry her and protect her. Joe DiMaggio was also nearby, waiting for her to come back to him. So many knights in shining armor were there for her, but, she was not there for herself. At the end her career was in a flux--she had been fired from her last movie because of tardiness and not showing up on the set--- but, there still were offers to work for her. Whether her career would have rebounded, or, whether she was over the hill in the notoriously youth-obsessed Hollywood is an open question. What is clear is that at the end Marilyn did not have the answers herself... So, she died and became a legend. She is forever young and sexy in our minds. She will never grow old. If she were alive today she would be in her 80's and most likely, sickly and frail. That image of Marilyn would never do. We want her young. We want her purring her sexual soul. We want that vulnerability and charm. With her death, all of that remains intact. It is pristine, never to go away. Like most great movie stars we identify a little of ourselves in her. Maybe, it is the person with the horrible, abusive childhood and surviving it. Maybe, it is the innocent going out into the world and getting stung by its harshness. Maybe, it is the person who found love and lost it, but, still trying to find it again. Maybe, it the person, who against all odds, triumphs over adversity, and, for a short time, reigns over the world. And, maybe, we see ourselves in her downfall and we must learn the lessons to protect the frail and innocent. Marilyn has been dead for 50 years, but, in our minds, she is forever that girl we want her to be, standing over the subway shute while her dress flies up. Part sexual, part childlike innocence.... Every year until 1999, red roses were delivered faithfully to the crypt that houses Marilyn Monroe's body. The roses were a sign of one man's love for his lost love. As always, the card was signed simply, ''Joe''......

Random Thoughts: July 2112

I really do not know which way to think on the health care debate. On one channel, you have sensible reasons why it should have been passed into law. There are facts, statistics, and shocking stories of the down and out families that the bill will help. On another channel, you have the sensible reasons why it is a dangerous law and should have been defeated. They also have facts, statistics, and, warning stories on how it will drag all of us down and bankrupt the country. It is interesting on how on any major issue there is no clear answer, at least in the way the story is presented. Black and white facts. The answer, it seems to me, is in the middle. Life is mostly grey area. Things are never what they seem. The basic spine of this issue is helping those that desperately need it. That would be the families that are suffering through job loss and health reasons. We all know of someone who has lost everything when their company has shut down. They file for bankruptcy and take from Peter to pay Paul when they try to pay their bills. Those people must be helped, for they hit a rough patch and must be taken care of. Then, there is the aged who contact an illness that saps their finances. Everything they have ever saved is wiped out in the blink of an eye due to the ungodly costs that the health care industry imposes on all of us. They must be taken care of also, along with a sick child that was born with an ailment. These stories-- and, many more-- are why we need the universal heath care. We cannot be cold-hearted and turn them away. But, there is the dark side of giving health care to everyone. That is, not everyone deserves it. We also know that there are lazy moochers who syphon off taxpayer dollars because they are scamming the system by not getting off their asses and finding work. These bums, which do account in the millions nationwide, do not deserve one penny of our honestly earned money. They have chosen to live their lives the way they do. Fine, that is the choice of every American. You wanna have no dignity and respect for yourself, then, live your life the way you want to. But, do not insist on government handouts to support you. If you are born poor and struggle to get out of poverty, yes, we should help you. If you choose to stay in that position without any drive of self-improvement, no, you do not deserve our attention as a nation. A hand up to help you, not a hand-out. And, with the recent Obama ruling on giving illegal immigrants total citizenship I also have to take a knee on that. If you let this happen then the costs skyrocket even more [ yes, I know that without universal health coverage costs are skyrocketing also]. This is where I find my confusion. I want to help those in need, especially, when children and the elderly are involved. However, I will be damned if I will give all of our hard-earned money to deadbeats. We just have to stay tuned to how it all plays out... Chicago has become the new Wild West. It is now ''Murder City''. The homicide rate has gone through the roof this spring and summer. On any given weekend there are multiple shootings and murders. Gangs, as usual, seem to be the behind all of this. And, with these gang animals no one is safe, even little children. As I write this Chicago police have arrested a man in the shooting death of an seven year-old girl. Cold-blooded murder of a seven year-old. That is what parts of this city have become. Even in the old, violent, Wild West children were spared. The shoot-outs were between men in a public square. There was no hiding, certainly, no drive-by shootings. Things were settled face to face, with the innocent not involved. Today, God Almighty, children are being killed!!! How do you stop such madness? The police? Well, we know that they are not wanted in these areas. The police are thought of as the enemy. There are ripples of community leaders and parents who have had enough and want to take back the streets from the criminals. This is a tall order, I grant you. But, I wish these brave citizens all the luck because they have a gigantic mountain of resistance to climb. Only through the non-violent banding of sensible people can any hope of peace come to these neighborhoods. Once again, it is going to be very difficult. Because you are going up against beasts who kill children in cold-blood. Many more innocent people will die before it stops.... Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are divorcing. I know, I am shocked to my central core also. It seemed like such a--- well, did anybody really buy this farce of a ''marriage?'' This is Tom Cruise's third marriage to go down the drain. Now, ahem, we all have heard the stories about Cruise and his life [ I am dancing around what I really want to say]. His first wife, Mimi Rogers, once told ''Playboy'' that he refuses to have sex because it would '' hurt his instrument''. She took it to me his ''acting instrument''. Whatever. Too bad because she was hot back then. Then, when he married Nicole Kidman, all seemed right in the Cruiseworld. They adopted children and she became a big star. And, those  nasty ''stories'' about his private life that were beginning to circulate were dismissed. Until the late 90's when word started to spread about Cruise and a gay porn star [ and, the lead singer of a popular band ]. Cruise filed suit against the porn actor and the case was dropped. Maybe, because it wasn't true. Maybe, because the other party was paid off. Whatever. Then, the fairy-tale romance with Kidman bit the dust. Perhaps, you remember where you were when you heard this most shocking news, for, like the Kennedy assasination and 9/11, we, as a nation, were shaken to our very souls. A few years went by [ in Scientology it would be many centuries] Tommy found true love with young Katie Holmes. What sealed this very real love affair for me was the jumping on the couch on ''Oprah'' to express his love. Hallmark card moment that was. Now, the bloom is off the rose and our Tom is soon to be single again. That Scientology crowd, to which he belongs to, sure have unusual love lives. Travolta has been shaken lately with allegations of his sexuality, as has Will Smith. Hmmm. You don't think? Nah!!!!.... The 4th of July is in a few days. It is , of course, to enjoy for barbecues and music fests, but, we must also take some time to remember the richness and pleasure that this country is. Sure, it has many faults, but, it is still the best and finest country that has ever been. The men who signed the Declaration of Independence were, for the most part, rich, successful businessmen. They refused to suffer the English rule and buckle under. They did what most of us hope we have the courage to do, and, that is to ''Pledge our lives, our fortunes, and, our sacred honor'' to begin a new country. After they signed the historic document, they forfeit their lives. They were wanted men and went into hiding. They could have easily stayed in their comfortable lives and let others fight their battles, but, they did not. These were brave men-- and, their wives were brave also for not abandoning these men in their hour of need. Without them, we as a nation, would be very different. They set up a nation for hope and the fulfillment of one's dearest dreams. In America, anything could be achieved. I like to think these thoughts were in the minds and eyes of my ancestors as they came from Ireland and Italy. They had the spirit of hope and dreams that the Continental Congress had in 1776 when they formed ''The United States Of America''. My ancestors-- and, yours-- certainly did not come to this country for drive-by shootings and welfare cheats. They came to be better people and to make better lives for their children through that old way of good, honest, hard work and clean living. They caught the spirit and goodness of how this country was formed through human understanding. Through all of its faults and mistakes, I love America and proudly call myself an American. Not an Irish-German-French-Italian- American, but, an AMERICAN!!!!.... Happy Birthday, America!!!!!