A Visit And A Walk

There was a peace in the cemetary today, as it should be. A calmness that goes with the solemn reason for being there. I just stopped by to say hello to my departed loved ones. Today was a beautiful June day, not humid, not too sunny, a gentle breeze blowing. After I said my prayers and talked a little to my family, I looked around, and thought about how it is somehow wrong for someone to be gone on a day like this. We are at the beginning of summer, the promise of summer. The feeling of surviving the calamity that is winter. A renewness of life. There is an extra pep in people's step on days like this, a smile that goes through the soul. And, then I thought, perhaps that is what Heaven is like all the time... After blasting some music in honor of my Dad-- the man loved a good tune-- I got in my car and drove through my old neighborhood of Des Plaines. Nostalgia was the reason. I love taking a trip back to a more innocent time. I drove by the house that I grew up in and was shocked at the condition of not only my old house, but, all the surrounding houses. It has been many years since I've lived in the area, but, you know how in your minds eye the area is still pristine? Nothing major has changed?... Of course, it has. Stark reality hit me in the face and I didn't like it. Damn it, this was my home!! I grew up here!!! I don't know who is living there now, but, had I seen them today I could be facing a manslaughter charge now... I suppose it is their right to treat the house the way they want to. They are making their own memories. I will say this-- their memories in that house will never compete with my memories. Different time altogether. The neighbors knew each other [ whether they liked each other is another issue ] , watched out for the kids, and, had love for the community. Gangs? Not in this area, we had too much respect for our lives. The police? They weren't our enemies, we grew up respecting the police... Oh, the memories... I stopped by my junior high next. It is closed for the summer. I walked around looking to get , for a moment, that feeling I had so many years ago. I caught a little of it. I stopped in the only office that is open. The secretary was nice to me, and, patiently answered my questions about what has changed in the building. I explained I was an alumni from the Class of 1980. She was nice, I'm sure she has had many people like me show up to inquire about what has changed. People feeling their age a little bit, trying to go back for a little while... I walked around the track where, during gym class, we had to run the mile. This was a pain in the ass at 13, now, you couldn't get me to run it at gunpoint. There are many ghosts here. Many friends and classmates have come and gone, going on with their lives. Some, I'm sure, have passed on. I remember a lot of them, some I don't, but, I bless them for being in my life around then.... Soon after, I got in my car and drove away from the past. I felt better. I like taking the trip backwards in the time machine. There is a feeling that it is wrong to live in the past. I agree, but, it is not wrong to visit that past once in a while and to be warmed by the memories. As it is stated in the great, underated movie ''The Two Jakes'', -- '' I don't wanna live in the past, I just don't wanna lose it either''...