Your Guess Is As Good As Mine

The other night I was out with a group of people, and, as usually happens in those situations, a friendly debate started. The topic was how all mankind started. The Evolution crowd stated the Theory Of Relativity. That there was the Big Bang and everything that we have now has evolved from this. The Religious section of the table stated their point: God created the world, Adam and Eve, etc. The debate got quite strong on both ends with some well made points being made on both sides. I listened quietly. This was noticed by the other people and commented upon [ those of you know I am not afraid to share my opinions ] and I was asked what I thought. I took a moment to answer. Then I said ''I don't know the answer''... This didn't seem to satisfy anybody. How come I didn't have an opinion? How could I not?...'' Simple. I don't know... and neither does anybody else living''.... I stated that we all have thoughts and deep emotions about living. That is good-- we all should have a passion for life. But, to assume that all the answers to life are easily explained or to perceive to know  the truth of how life was created is not rational. Nobody knows how all this started-- at which point I was interrupted by the Theory of Relativity group with explanations. I politely asked them to remember that what they believe is under the headline of ''Theory of Relativity''-- the key word ''Theory''. A theory, simply point, is just a name for a idea of what possibly it could be. They may be right-- there is scientific information to back up a lot of their thoughts. But, there are holes in their theory. If humans are in fact descendants from monkeys, how come monkeys aren't turning into man now? Why did the evolution stop? If this is the natural process, shouldn't human beings continue to evolve into the next life form? Why does it stop with us?... The Religious wing of the table liked that until I pointed out to them that they also have a ''theory''. Wrapped around God. Blaming or praising God for everything that goes on, with the Bible as the main source. I said the Bible could possibly be all true-- but, not likely. Have you all tried the telephone game? I'm sure you have, that is where I tell someone a story, that person tells the story to someone, etc. And, by the time it reaches back to me, it is a completely different story entirely. I approach the Bible like that-- it is hard for me to believe that EVERYTHING in the Bible happened like it is presented, for instance the story of Jonah and the whale... That started both sides either accusing me of  ignoring nature or being anti God.... My last salvo at all of them was this: why must we know? Obviously, this life was set up to NOT KNOW. I am comfortable with that. I don't have to know until the moment I die. I respect people and their thoughts, please respect mine... Thank goodness these people were not friends of mine. My friends have open minds... And,  I'm glad I stuck them with the bill!!!... A quick sidebar: I do believe in God and Heaven. I believe that you do continue the journey to another place where you are reunited with your loved ones. I have no proof of this, just an innate feeling. I could be very wrong--- but, I am quite willing to live and believe and be wrong, then to live and disbelief and be right. But, it all does come back to the fact I don't know....

The Little Blonde Boy and The Rock

My nephew Johnny is getting married on April 1st to a wonderful young lady named Myah. They have been together several years and have two lovely children named Jordan and Aiden. The family unit is strong and will get  even more so as the years go on. My sister Lisa requested that I say a toast at the reception. And, I will. Various thoughts are flying through my mind and heart. I think the heart will win my comments. Of course, I will toast the future and much happiness that will happen to the couple. But, I will also toast the past... Johnny was the first of two grandchildren in the family [ Joey is his younger brother] and, as such, was the center of attention. He was a blonde haired angel who was the sweetest and cutest child imaginable. Very polite, very well mannered. At the time of his birth, in 1984, I really didn't have much experience with babies. I was 18. I dared to put this child in my arms and hold him and bounce him on my knee. And, a part of my heart that was dormant with children started beating. Minutes became hours. I loved it!!! And, being an Uncle has the benefit of when the kid needs to be changed,you hand him to his Mother....No doubt he was spoiled by his '' Gamma'' and his ''Papa'' and his Uncles Tom and Jim. When Johnny started riding his bike, my Dad, brother, and myself were circled around him like the Guardian Angels. No way was he getting out of our site!!! And, he did very well!!! Johnny has always picked things up naturally. He has that ability... At the end of any visit, while the sun was slowly setting, Johnny and Papa would take their walk together. Grandfather and Grandson. What they talked about was between them and is their bond. Perhaps Johnny doesn't even remember the talks, but, they are a source of warm moments  for the rest of us. The highlight was when Papa took Johnny down the block to see the Rock.... At the end of my parents block was a big rock stationed on a neighbors lawn.Why it was there I don't know, but, Johnny loved it. He always requested to go-- and, only with Papa. That was the center of his relationship with my Dad. Till the day he died, there was nothing my Dad treasured more than that time with Johnny. The sweetest moment was when Johnny, at the age of 7, had just lost the dog he loved, to death. By coincidence, Dad lost the family dog around the same time. They took the walk to the rock. Dad said Johnny was very quiet. Finally, Johnny asked Dad how he was holding up with Poco, our dog.Dad said he was sad. Dad then asked Johnny how he was feeling losing his dog Beggar. Johnny said he was sad. Another long silence. Then Johnny said, '' Its really tough, but, don't worry Papa,we will be okay.'' Even at that sad time, he was thoughtful.... As time went on, and, after his brother was born, Johnny emerged into a fine young man whose hair turned to brown. There was something nice and sad about his appearance changing. Nice because he still is good looking, sad because the child was going away. And, now he is a man. A sensitive, caring young man. I am proud of him. A strong father and man who will never lose those traits.... This is a little of what I'm thinking to say at the reception. The little boy who loved to see the Rock with Papa... The ebb and flow of life... The child is gone, but, long live the man!!!

I Need a Skull Purge!!!

I know, at my tender age of 45, that I have more years behind me than in front of me. Or, as they say in golf, I'm playing the ''back nine''. That is okay with me. At this put, however, I wish I can save the pertinent and meaningful facts I know and shit can all the rest. For instance, I used to know Einstein's Theory Of Relativity. I'll be damned if I know it now. But, I still remember who Charo is. I used to be a darn good speller and history buff. Now, I get confused if a word doesn't look right to me. Before, I used to hit a ball pretty good. Last week, a 90 year old woman with a walker beat me in arm wrestling. All right that last one didn't happen--- she was 80-- but, lately I'm thinking of what to ''delete'' and what to ''save''. It is a shame we can't. Imagine the freedom that you would have if the bad memories and sad moments were erased and only the good stand out. That relationship that broke your heart--- gone. The horrible moments of seeing a loved one suffer--- gone. Embarrassing times in school-- gone, gone, gone!!! What peace of mind all that would be!!! I know you learn as much from the bad as the good. I have, God knows. So, I'm thinking, the next great invention should be the erasure of bad memories after you reach 40--- I picked that number because at this age you should have done things in your life and learned a few things , plus, that is the beginning of when your body becomes your mortal enemy and betrays you. Perhaps it will be a machine that does the skull purge. Or, most likely, a drug. But, there will be side effects like trouble sleeping, urinating every 5 minutes, an erection that lasts 4 weeks, and liking clowns. So, lets get on with the invention and let me live in peace not knowing the song, ''When Its Time To Change'' by the Brady Bunch.... You laugh, but,  a light just went on in your brain and released that song for you to hum!!!

Polanski's Latest Crime

The other night on cable I took in the new Roman Polanski movie, ''The Ghost Writer''. And, it was quite a good movie. Roman Polanski always has been someone to have mixed feelings about. A brilliant filmmaker--- ''Chinatown'' is one of the finest movies ever. Also, we know the tragedies that have followed him in life--- losing family in the Holocaust, The Manson Family killing his wife and unborn child. However, there is a dark side to him that can never be justified: in 1977 raping a child of 13 years of age and then fleeing the country. This last act is enough to label him , in my mind, as scum. But,watching his movie the other night, he has created something else to hold against him: giving Jim Belushi a job.                  Jim Belushi has always made my skin crawl. Living off his genius brother John's name for years, Jim has always brought down the I.Q and quality in any project he has been in. Now, he is in a four star movie!!! I felt, oh, so unclean watching him!! Humiliation and degradation--- so welcome companions to me on a date-- were foremost in my mind. Why is God punishing us by letting him work? Is God angry at us? Have we sinned?.. My faith has been shaken. Never again will I enjoy the simple pleasures in life like: watching a sunset, eating apple pie on the porch, playing ball with a dog, or watching smut on pay per view. Can the world survive this onslaught against good taste? What's next, the Cubs winning the World Series? No, not that!!! That means that shitheel will be at all the games!!!... Alas, in the darkest times a little light will shine down. I just checked Mr. Brilliance's IMDB and HIMSELF has  things coming up to bring back his Groove Thing. You would think having Polanski on the resume would inspire him to do better work, but, no,-- more human celluloid pollution is on the way. In the meantime, we must hang our heads in shame, put garlic on the windows, and pray that God will someday relieve us of our suffering. Now is the time for silent thoughts and quiet prayers.

We are all Mortal

So much loss of life. So much damage. And, the threat of more harm. We have all seen the footage of the ocean rushing in. The bodies being pulled out to sea, and, then the sea spitting out its dead. The buildings being torn apart--- with many being buried alive in them. And, now, they have to contend with radiation and the long term effects of nuclear madness. Do you need another example of how life can be cruel?... Amazing how we set up a life with danger in it. Nuclear weapons, like guns, should never have been invented. But, they are here and we have to deal with them.We can't turn back. I heard a sobering thought over the weekend--- we live in the state with the most nuclear reactors [10] in the nation. So if any earthquake hits our area--- and, we live with a huge fault line under us---the chances we could get some radioactive fallout is quite likely. We are helpless. I hope the people who designed our way of life years ago with this danger are happy.The politicians, war crazy Generals, scientists who are looking for better ways to kill us in the name of peace. They have the drunken lust for power and we are the pawns in the chess match. The one thing I have always wanted to ask them is this, '' You breath the same air the rest of us do, you drink the water that is now polluted by your factories, as do your children-- doesn't this scare you like it scares us''? I assume the answer I would get would be the typical bureaucratic bullshit they have been spinning for years. At some point , these people turned off the logical part in their brains and now are filled with justifications. How do we make these type of people? A small group of madman controlling the larger body of people like you and me....I have wondered away from the Japan tragedy, I know. You can't control Mother Nature and earthquakes. But, you can control setting up a life where we are dependent on nuclear power to run our lives. As President Kennedy said in 1963, '' In the final analysis, we all breath the same air, we all cherish our children's future's, and we are all mortal.'' Of course, he was murdered, most likely, by the type of powerful men I just described.

Dad Part 3

My brother Tom was killed on September 22 1995. He jumped or fell from a building. The accounts vary. He was living in Cleveland at the time. I got the call and then told my parents. You can imagine the reaction. Middle of the night...  A call from the police... Grieving parents... Horrible... Mom was devastated, but, Dad held himself in control. I know it was the shock. He had to be strong for Mom. That's what husbands do for the love of their life... My sister and I took over and made things as easy as we could for them.. Tom's ashes were sent to us--- there was nothing left to his body after falling 28 stories---and, when my brother in law John and I went to Cleveland to clear up his affairs, Dad went with us. Surprisingly, he did well.A little of his old self emerged. It was the last time he was all there-- an example of his black humor was when he saw the picture of my brother's girl,and it wasn't pretty, Dad said'' I 'd jump too!!'' We came home and that's when Dad went down hill. He had time to think and grieve. It tore him apart and he started to think he was at fault as a father. Of course, it wasn't true, but, grief and guilt are unforgiving and eat your soul and sap your spirit. Do not let anyone tell you that a person cannot die of a broken heart--- it happens and it happened to my father. On top of his own failing health, he slowly died... On the night before he died, March 21st, I said goodbye to him as I  was leaving their house. Dad said, in a sad, lonely voice, '' Goodbye son.'' Looking back, I know that he was saying goodbye to me for the last time. Later in the evening, he told my mother,''I think I'm dying'', and he asked her to hold him.... Later in his sleep he went home to God... 6 months to the day after Tom's death... The day after his death I naturally called everybody to tell them about Dad. One of my closest friends, Rene, was one of the calls. It went like this, '' You know Rene, Dad fought the battles in life, but, he lost the war.''.. There was a pause...Then Rene said, '' No Jimmy, he didn't lose the war.He fought the battles in life and won them. And, after it was over, he was tired and he laid down and went to sleep.'' Thank you Brother Rene for putting it so well!!!... Mom joined him 2 years later after her even more horrible health problems. These two wonderful people suffered at the end of their lives and it was sad. But, the majority of life for them was joyful, loving, and fun. They believed that . So do I .  And, one day, I look forward to seeing all of them again.For those of you that didn't know them--- I will gladly introduce them all,with my proudest statement being, ''Meet my Dad!!'''

Dad Part 2

As a parent, the kids learned. If there was something we kids did that earned a reprimand, it was over quickly,we learned our lesson, it was forgotten. But, there was something about disappointing him and Mom that was disquieting. We ate together every night and the TV was off. My brother and myself had a stormy relationship based on brother rivalry, so there was always some kind of quarrel going on. Dad was peacemaker,but, it must have hurt him deeply that his two sons didn't get along. I tried. Tom didn't. It happens in families... We never went on vacations except once when I was young we went to the Ozarks. I fell into the pool and Dad saved me-- my sister still says that the look of fear on Dad's face was frightening.  We were never rich or poor. There was just a sense of money tightness, so we used our time together. And, I think this bonded us. I see families spending ''time together'' who couldn't be any more distant with each other if they tried. We had warmth and love. What more do you need?.. As the years went by my parents love for each other grew even more stronger. They did everything together as a team.If one had a dentist appointment, the other went along. They were in love with each other and were on the journey of life together. I learned first hand how to treat a woman, how to respect them , and how to protect them. My father was liberated,but, there was an Old World dignity on how he treated women. The man should always look out for them. I believe that is the correct approach... His friendships grew along with his years. He was the life at any party. Everybody laughed and felt good around him. Like the Godfather, people would sit around and listen to him and he would listen to them. Another lesson from him was '' Wherever you are in life, NEVER lose your friends!!''' I never have.... When Dad retired in 1991-- Mom was still working another few years-- he envisioned a life of spoiling his Grandchildren, traveling finally, and spending more time enjoying life before it ran out. He earned that right. It was not to be. Cancer came to his body in 1991. Colon and bladder. He was in the hospital for a few weeks and there was a time we thought it was over. Fortunately the doctors caught it in time. He came home from the hospital but he was never the same carefree spirit. He was shell shocked. The joy in life was drained from him. Mom soon retired and the life they planned for their ''Golden Years'' was gone. In and out of hospitals was Dad's life for the next few years. And, every time he came home, he was just a little more broken. Then came my brother's suicide...

Dad Part 1

There is a special relationship between Father and Son. A bond that is born on the feeling that he is the person who will keep my spirit alive after I have gone to the dark. I have always been very proud when people compliment me saying I am like my Dad. He was a wonderful spirit who , by turns, was funny, smart, kind, and caring. I may have some of those--- I'm still a work in progress--- but, he was the complete picture....Dad died on March 22 1996 and not a day goes by that he isn't in my thoughts. ...........He was born James Martin Scoleri on July 8th 1928. Dad was the first child. My Uncle Tom was born in 1943. He grew up in the Depression and learned at a early age sacrifice and going without. He was a bright,witty child who dreamed of becoming a musician. He possessed the ability to learn music by ear and play the piano flawlessly. However, as happens in life, reality kills a person's dreams and ambitions. My Grandmother, whom we called Nana, was not the most selfless person. She was given to thinking that the son takes care of the mother--- Italian tradition-- while my Dad's father was a kind man who was sickly and died at a young age. Dad was 15 when that happened and from then on he became the man of the family. He handled his new role remarkably. This is the hero part of my father's story for me. Some men run away from their responsibilities. Not him!!! His dreams went in the drawer for a later time. He worked during the war and became the man people write stories about. As a young man, he supported my Nana and my Uncle-- who was a toddler then-- while also finding time to live a strong social life. He was quite the ladies man!!! My Mother later told me that their were women literally fighting over him. Balance this with an army of friends and you have a popular person who makes you feel good to be around him..................  Around the beginning of the 1950's , Dad met a extraordinary woman named Patricia Grimmer. She lived by Wrigley Field and was working in a bank. They met, of all places, at someone's wake. They hit it off and soon after, went out on a date. It is a sign on how life was back then, but, their first date was at a Italian restaurant where my mother tried pizza for the first time. By both accounts, love quickly followed and in 1953 they became husband and wife. Dad was 25 and Mom was 23. My sister was born in 1956. My brother Tom in 1962, and me in 1965. They lived in Norridge and later in Des Plaines. Dad couldn't afford to go  to college,but, being the hard worker he was, he rose in any company he was employed at to the level of management. At one time he was head of operations for Paslode,which made office parts, and Converse shoes. But, this is where life shows its cruelty. He was also a victim of bad economies and corrupt superiors. As soon as he hit any type of top rung on the ladder of success, he was knocked down. He would brush himself off and charge back into the world to support his family.And, here is another example of my admiration of him-- he never gave up.He was bloodied, he was wounded,and HE KEPT  GOING !!! Dad was never lazy, just short of luck. He was never bitter about business problems, but, there was a little bit of wistfulness of muted dreams and what might have been..

The Two Johns

Watching the latest exercise in the destruction of Charlie Sheen got me thinking about celebrity addictions and two of my favorite performers: John Candy and John Belushi. Both died young, brought down by their problems. The difference between them and Sheen is that while both Candy and Belushi tried to beat their demons, Sheen revels in them...John Candy was born in Canada and grew up loving American tv. He was a shy,overweight , sensitive child who made people laugh. In his early twenties , after quitting his job as a Kleenex salesman-- yep,  Kleenex--- Candy joined the Toronto branch of The Second City and his career was on the way. That led to the late, great show ''SCTV'' and a host of memorable characters like Johnny La Rue and the Schmengee Brothers. His film debut was with his buddies Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi  in Steven Spielberg's ''1941''. The Blues Brothers, Stripes,  Only The Lonely, and, a bunch of other movies followed. My favorite performance of his was in''Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.'' He played a character--opposite the great Steve Martin--- who tried so hard to please and be liked that he ended up turning people off to him.That left him sad and lonely. And, there was always something sad and lonely about John Candy. Perhaps , that is what was behind his addiction to food. John Candy passed away at age 42 in 1994... John Belushi, by contrast, was a force of nature that took life on at full speed. No time wasted for him, he took the world for a ride and the world loved him. Belushi was born in Wheaton, Illinois, the son of a restaurant owner--- the famous ''cheeseburger, cheeseburger, no chips'' SNL sketch was based on his dad's restaurant. John was the popular student, Homecoming King, star football athlete, and everybody's friend. Like Candy,  he had the remarkable ability to make strangers laugh, which led to the Chicago's Second City and The National Lampoon Show ''Lemmings'' in New York. John, when he went to NYC, never forgot his friends, which led to him bringing his friends, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, Harold Ramis, and Dan Aykroyd to the forefront of comedy. He is  perhaps the best known and loved member of SNL. Inventing the Blues Brothers with his partner and best friend Dan Aykroyd, Belushi trailblazed comedy for the next 3 decades. However, this man of vast appetites and lust for life could not control his intensity and died in 1982  at the age of 33of an overdose of cocaine and heroin... These are just broad brush strokes of two great performers--- there are books and biography specials to give you the complete picture. What must be remembered is that these two men knew their problems and fought them--- sadly, losing in the end. They didn't want to die. They knew they were blessed. I wish they had conquered their demons and lived long lives. Charlie Sheen???--- I don't have that feeling.