Mom Part 2

My sister Lisa was born in 1956. Mom and Dad were overjoyed. They tried very hard to have kids. And, with her birth came the joy of being parents. Tom came in 1962, and, I was in 1965. My parents never tired of being with us kids. Even to this day, I am stunned that we all were together so much. That seems like a natural thing, but, as I've gotten older I realize how rare that is in the family unit. We ate dinner every night-- with the t.v. off-- and laughed and argued and loved each other. As with every family,there are little favorites. Dad had Lisa and me. Mom had Tom. Perhaps because Tom reminded her so much of her father that she had a special place in her heart for him. There was no jealousy on anyone's part. There was plenty of love to go around....Throughout the 60's and 70's Mom was a happy housewife. Dad was out in the world and he wanted my mother to stay at home until the kids were older. Partly because he wanted us to always have someone at home. Partly because he wanted to keep the cruelness that  life has out there to stay away from his family. He didn't want the wolves at the door.. Lisa got married in 1980 and blessed the family with grandkids. By this time, Tom and I  were grown up and out in the world. The 80's were a time of separation for us. Tom moved away to Ohio for work, Lisa was living in Schaumburg, and, well, I was living it up in my 20's. Dad was in charge of the family, but, Mom was his support system. Behind her sweet demeanor was a strong woman, who when challenged, could be a rock. And, in the 90's she was being challenged beyond belief... In 1991the love of her life developed cancer. Dad, as I have written before, survived, but, he was never the same again. They went from being equal partners to Mom shouldering the brunt of the relationship. She did extraordinary. My sister and I helped as best we could,but, Mom did the heavy lifting. She was cheerful with Dad. Encouraging. Never let him see her get down. But, there were times when I would see the shadow of sadness pass over her face when she would look at him...Then in 1995, my brother died. Shocking, horrible death. I told my parents that their son was dead. Dad took it as best as he could, but, Mom was crushed... Understandable... She took to her bed all the next day while my aunt-- her sister Gloria-- and the rest of our family took care of her. My most heartbreaking memory is of going into her bedroom and hearing her cry for my brother.. ''My poor little boy''... The shock and sadness never went away. Then my Dad died in his sleep 6 months later. Mom found him. Their love affair was over.. In this life anyway... Then came her own horror...

Mom Part 1

For a Irish woman she made some great Italian food. My friends always made it a point to come over when she was cooking. I was under no illusions of why they were there. I smiled and ate along with them. Her lasagna and pizza were the stars. Even to this day I have dreams about them, --sadly, I awake before I get the chance to savor them one last time.... My beautiful mother was born Patricia Grimmer in 1930. She was raised around Wrigley Field and was a rabid Cub fan [ she passed that along to her kids]. Her older sister was Gloria and from an early age there was a bond between them that never loosened through life. Mom grew up a upper middle class girl. Not rich, but, not hurting for money, which came in handy during the Depression. By her account, she was a happy little girl who adored her mother and father, especially her Dad. Dad would take her to those Cub games and she learned all the players names. That was a shared passion with her Dad. That passion was doused in 1949 when he died at the obscenely early age of 46. Mom was heartbroken. She still had her Mom, but, the tears were always there when she would speak of her Dad and I would sense, even years later , when  we would go to a game, that she was looking for his memory in that ballpark... After graduating high school, Mom got a job working as a teller in a bank. She would occasionally date, but, she was a shy girl and was searching for that right man. The man that was going to sweep her off her feet. And, she found him when she met my father at a wake... There are more romantic places to meet someone than a wake. I don't even know who it was that was lying in that casket, but, that person deserves a huge thank you. Dad was very witty and charming. Mom was a good audience. That makes for a good team. It became roles that they both never outgrew. Soon after, he took her out for their first date--- Mom tried pizza for the first time. I have tried to imagine what they talked about, but, it doesn't matter. Love was in the air. And, being the romantics that they were, they both knew that they found the person to share  life with. They were married in 1953... The first couple of years were a test for Mom. Not from Dad, but, my grandmother-- Dad's mother. She was the stereotypical Italian who believed that the son should take care of the mother. Mom tried,but, being non Italian put her at a disadvantage. It got to a point that Mom actually left my father for a short period of time. This was unheard of in the conservative 50's. Dad brokered a deal with the warring parties, but, there would always be a tension between the women in my father's life. He was torn... Things got better , though, when my sister was born...

Still A Classic

In 1999, a show premiered on HBO to a little bit of hype, but, low expectations. That show was ''The Sopranos'' and quality soon had a new best friend. For those of you who do not know or haven't seen the show, you have a homework assignment: ''make your bones'' with the show. The story evolves around the Soprano family, both the blood family and the family that deals in blood. Tony, played royally by the charismatic James Gandolfini, handles the day to day life problems of a husband, parent, friend, mob boss, and patient. Surrounding him are a marvelous cast of characters ranging from the names ''Meadow'' to ''Big Pussy''. All of these people have problems and situations that we all have, except their life is turned inside out by crime... That is all the synopsis that you need. Now go watch the show and enjoy.... For the rest of us who grew to be obsessed by Tony and his people, it became a benchmark in our entertainment history. I can talk all day about the plot twists and the deeper signifigance of the characters, but, it is too much an exercise in the obvious. What the heart of the show has shown is the extraordinary talents of those in front of and behind the camera coming together for perfect presentation... Start with the writing, headed by show creator David Chase. The richness of the dialogue seeps through the t.v. and instantly captures the viewers fancy. You can see the joy in the actors faces and in the energy of their performances when they say their lines. Followed hot on the heels of the words are the plot twists. The best way to describe them, I believe, is like one of those rides at a carnival-- as soon as you are going in one direction, WHOOSH, you zoom into another direction. Well thought out and well crafted, Mr. Chase and company deservedly received countless awards for their efforts.... Direction is a special mention. The sense of danger and tension are always present. It is there in the writing, but, very often in film with a loose director it is lost in translation. Not here!!! Like a perfect tennis game the writing and directors gather on one side and hit the ball to the other side that holds the actors... And, those actors... Not a flaw in the cast. From Gandolfini and Edie Falco to Michael Imperioli and Drea De Matteo, they all are a joy to watch. Gandolfini has the toughest assignment. Because Tony is so large, bigger than life, there is a temptation for an actor to go too broad and over the top. Gandolfini is too smart and too talented to let that happen-- and, I suspect Chase wouldn't let him. The loud moments are just as compelling as the quiet moments. Notice Gandofini's face and breathing in some scenes. They say more that 10 pages of dialogue. As his wife, Edie Falco is his match every step of the way in their scenes together. It is very refreshing to see strong men and women interact with each other-- my main complaint about t.v. is that one has to be dominant while the other has to be the fool, usually the man in a sitcom... Out of nowhere comes the supporting cast with memorable moments. My favorites being Johnny Sack, played by the great Vincent Curatola and, Drea De Matteo playing Adriana. Both of them started out on the show as one episode parts, but, the dynamic appeal of those actors could not be ignored and they were retained for most of the show, both dying-- with Adriana, perhaps the most decent character on the show, most heartbreaking... When the show ended in 2007-- and the famous last scene where we don't know what exactly happened to Tony--- there was a lot of press attention because quality was leaving us and some speculated whether ''The Sopranos'' deserved to be put in the same category as ''The Godfather Trilogy'' and Goodfellas''. I believe it belongs in the same pantheon. For what are those movies known for besides being about crime? Great acting, flawless direction, inventive writing, and compelling storytelling. Tony and the gang were of that class... Too bad there isn't much more of that around now. Bada Bing!!!

Sidney Lumet: Filmmaker

I rarely go to movies now. There isn't much nowadays that captures my interest to go sit in a darkened room with strangers and pray that the audience behaves. But, once in a while, one of the giants of film will come down from the mountain and release their ''child'' for us to savor. Then I will make the effort to meet them halfway at the theatre. Sidney Lumet was one such giant and he just passed away on April 9th at 86... Lumet wasn't a person widely known outside of the film industry. He didn't have the ''name'' that most of the public would recognize like a Spielberg, Scorsese, Coppola, or Tarantino. But, he had a body of work that equals and in some cases, exceeds those celebrated talents. Lumet's first movie--- after learning and honing his craft in 50's tv-- was the classic ''12 Angry Men''. It remains one of my all time favorite movies. The simple story of one lone man holding out against 11 other men in believing that a man is innocent. The action takes place in one room on a hot summer's day and if you are interested in fine emsemble acting, check the film out... There, I used the key word: Film. Lumet made films. He loved films. And, most importantly, he respected an audiences intelligence enough to never play dumb with them. He knew you could follow the story as long he did his job and put the story on the screen... By all accounts Lumet belonged to a very small group of people in show business: the group of decent and caring human beings. It sure as hell showed up in his films. The threat of human extinction through nuclear war in ''Fail Safe'', the horrors of being a holocaust survivor in ''The Pawnbroker'', following the life threatening exploits of a decent cop in ''Serpico'', the bank robbers who are very human in his best film ''Dog Day Afternoon'',  the drunken lawyer looking for redemption at the end of his life in ''The Verdict,'' and the insanity that is behind the media in ''Network''. These films-- and many others-- show a master craftsman, who also let the decency that was in his soul  shine through on the silver screen. Treat yourself some time to a Lumet fim. IMDB his list of movies. You won't be sorry... And, here is to you Sidney-- thanks for the memories!!!

The Three Of Us

Once a month, a most pleasurable get together happens to me: Jeanine and Jenny and I have some fun. In addition to many laughs and some deep conversations, what this represents is that you can sometimes connect with the past.... The three of us started working in the late 80"s and early 90's at the Daily Herald newspaper. This was back when we were young, eager, and, not yet measured by life. There is an intensity and joy when you start out on life's path: everyday brings endless promise. I was trying to get something going in acting. Jeanine was newly married. Jenny was right out of high school. Is there a better time in life? You are no longer bound by parents and you just KNOW that you will change the world. This is allowed in the young. We were friendly with each other at work, but, nothing more. There was plenty of time to get to know each other... Jeanine started having children and I saw less and less of her. Jenny became social and so did I. We would occasionally bump into each other at bars, say hi, and then depart, looking for fun.  And, did we ever find fun!!! Again, there was plenty of time to really get to know one another... Then life's dark side springs up: Both my parents and Jeanine's Mom  got very sick. I heard about this through the work grapevine. Around 30,we three found out about life and what really happens. Sadly, these things are beyond anyone's control and you lose loved ones....Around 1997, Jenny and I made the conscious decision to become drinking buddies. There was a bar across from the Herald building in Arlington Heights called Home Run Inn, but, we christened it the ''clubhouse''. And, it was our playground. We knew the owner, had a favorite bartender [ God Bless you Judy, wherever you are!!], dragged various people from work to drink with us, and, generally do the things that you do in bars. Now, Jeanine, she had the best job in the world going: she was a mother!!! 3 kids at this point. Again, we heard that she was doing well and Jen and I always said we should call her and get together. It never happened, for whatever reason. It might be because we didn't want to disturb her life now: she was happy and that was good enough for us.... Jump ahead to 2009. Jen and I were still hanging out together, but, less so as we found new loves and, quite frankly, age was slowly us down. Then a remarkable invention happened called Facebook. On it we hooked up with Jeanine. After being out of touch for close to 10 years, we all met up and the years seemed to fall away. Jeanine suffered a horrible personal loss that I won't talk about-- respecting her privacy. On the bright side, she had another child [ My Man Brady!!!] which brought her total of kids to 4!! And, like Jenny, she is as sweet and caring and fun as always... I write about this because friendship has always been one of my prides. I love my friends and through the passage of time that feeling never changes. Check out the picture in my Fb profile of us: life has measured us. And, we are survivors...

Your Guess Is As Good As Mine

The other night I was out with a group of people, and, as usually happens in those situations, a friendly debate started. The topic was how all mankind started. The Evolution crowd stated the Theory Of Relativity. That there was the Big Bang and everything that we have now has evolved from this. The Religious section of the table stated their point: God created the world, Adam and Eve, etc. The debate got quite strong on both ends with some well made points being made on both sides. I listened quietly. This was noticed by the other people and commented upon [ those of you know I am not afraid to share my opinions ] and I was asked what I thought. I took a moment to answer. Then I said ''I don't know the answer''... This didn't seem to satisfy anybody. How come I didn't have an opinion? How could I not?...'' Simple. I don't know... and neither does anybody else living''.... I stated that we all have thoughts and deep emotions about living. That is good-- we all should have a passion for life. But, to assume that all the answers to life are easily explained or to perceive to know  the truth of how life was created is not rational. Nobody knows how all this started-- at which point I was interrupted by the Theory of Relativity group with explanations. I politely asked them to remember that what they believe is under the headline of ''Theory of Relativity''-- the key word ''Theory''. A theory, simply point, is just a name for a idea of what possibly it could be. They may be right-- there is scientific information to back up a lot of their thoughts. But, there are holes in their theory. If humans are in fact descendants from monkeys, how come monkeys aren't turning into man now? Why did the evolution stop? If this is the natural process, shouldn't human beings continue to evolve into the next life form? Why does it stop with us?... The Religious wing of the table liked that until I pointed out to them that they also have a ''theory''. Wrapped around God. Blaming or praising God for everything that goes on, with the Bible as the main source. I said the Bible could possibly be all true-- but, not likely. Have you all tried the telephone game? I'm sure you have, that is where I tell someone a story, that person tells the story to someone, etc. And, by the time it reaches back to me, it is a completely different story entirely. I approach the Bible like that-- it is hard for me to believe that EVERYTHING in the Bible happened like it is presented, for instance the story of Jonah and the whale... That started both sides either accusing me of  ignoring nature or being anti God.... My last salvo at all of them was this: why must we know? Obviously, this life was set up to NOT KNOW. I am comfortable with that. I don't have to know until the moment I die. I respect people and their thoughts, please respect mine... Thank goodness these people were not friends of mine. My friends have open minds... And,  I'm glad I stuck them with the bill!!!... A quick sidebar: I do believe in God and Heaven. I believe that you do continue the journey to another place where you are reunited with your loved ones. I have no proof of this, just an innate feeling. I could be very wrong--- but, I am quite willing to live and believe and be wrong, then to live and disbelief and be right. But, it all does come back to the fact I don't know....

The Little Blonde Boy and The Rock

My nephew Johnny is getting married on April 1st to a wonderful young lady named Myah. They have been together several years and have two lovely children named Jordan and Aiden. The family unit is strong and will get  even more so as the years go on. My sister Lisa requested that I say a toast at the reception. And, I will. Various thoughts are flying through my mind and heart. I think the heart will win my comments. Of course, I will toast the future and much happiness that will happen to the couple. But, I will also toast the past... Johnny was the first of two grandchildren in the family [ Joey is his younger brother] and, as such, was the center of attention. He was a blonde haired angel who was the sweetest and cutest child imaginable. Very polite, very well mannered. At the time of his birth, in 1984, I really didn't have much experience with babies. I was 18. I dared to put this child in my arms and hold him and bounce him on my knee. And, a part of my heart that was dormant with children started beating. Minutes became hours. I loved it!!! And, being an Uncle has the benefit of when the kid needs to be changed,you hand him to his Mother....No doubt he was spoiled by his '' Gamma'' and his ''Papa'' and his Uncles Tom and Jim. When Johnny started riding his bike, my Dad, brother, and myself were circled around him like the Guardian Angels. No way was he getting out of our site!!! And, he did very well!!! Johnny has always picked things up naturally. He has that ability... At the end of any visit, while the sun was slowly setting, Johnny and Papa would take their walk together. Grandfather and Grandson. What they talked about was between them and is their bond. Perhaps Johnny doesn't even remember the talks, but, they are a source of warm moments  for the rest of us. The highlight was when Papa took Johnny down the block to see the Rock.... At the end of my parents block was a big rock stationed on a neighbors lawn.Why it was there I don't know, but, Johnny loved it. He always requested to go-- and, only with Papa. That was the center of his relationship with my Dad. Till the day he died, there was nothing my Dad treasured more than that time with Johnny. The sweetest moment was when Johnny, at the age of 7, had just lost the dog he loved, to death. By coincidence, Dad lost the family dog around the same time. They took the walk to the rock. Dad said Johnny was very quiet. Finally, Johnny asked Dad how he was holding up with Poco, our dog.Dad said he was sad. Dad then asked Johnny how he was feeling losing his dog Beggar. Johnny said he was sad. Another long silence. Then Johnny said, '' Its really tough, but, don't worry Papa,we will be okay.'' Even at that sad time, he was thoughtful.... As time went on, and, after his brother was born, Johnny emerged into a fine young man whose hair turned to brown. There was something nice and sad about his appearance changing. Nice because he still is good looking, sad because the child was going away. And, now he is a man. A sensitive, caring young man. I am proud of him. A strong father and man who will never lose those traits.... This is a little of what I'm thinking to say at the reception. The little boy who loved to see the Rock with Papa... The ebb and flow of life... The child is gone, but, long live the man!!!