A Royal Toast

''Dear Harry and Meghan...... Let me be among the many that wish you two kids the best in your upcoming nuptials!!! Like hundreds of millions of mere mortals, I want the best for both of you. Young couples are struggling all over the world with new matrimony and I expect you two rascals to walk that fine line of the beginner and the novice. Naturally, money will be a constant worry. Most couples start out slowly. Perhaps, you two can make do with a small apartment by where you work. Rents are high in England, from what I hear. Hell, you might be forced to share a flat with another couple of Royals just to make ends meet. Or, you may have to move in with the in-laws. Harry, I've heard that your family has a few extra rooms in that old clunker of a subsidized house that your family has somehow managed to hold on to for generations. Maybe, just maybe, Mom and Dad Windsor will let you sleep in the basement. Sure, it will be chilly come wintertime, but---- wink!!! wink!!!---- I'm sure you lovebirds can create your own warmth!!!........ On that subject--- sleeping together---- I'm sure that you both are virgins because you have never been married before and I know you do not want to go against your sainted religion. Take it slow, kids. I know you two have the hots for each other. Young people and their hormones!!!! But, just think back to the sex education you two learned in school. Meghan, you were raised American, so, I know what you learned. Harry, the history of English education is legendary, with public schools being very tolerant and encouraging to their youngsters. Why, I've even heard of headmasters actually feeling bad after breaking a cane over the head of a misguided demon child. So, I'm positive that the sex talk was done with the utmost care. Take it from an old unmarried man like myself: take your time with The Virgin Meghan Markle. She will not disappear from your sight if you wait until she is ready. Treat her with respect, kindness, a keen sense of awe. She loves you and your pauper ways. She is in love with you!!!! That is all she wants!!!! When genuine love rules the ranch, sex is the cherry on the cake!!!! So, take it easy with her cherry. Treat her like a Princess!!!!!...... Another matter you two should be aware of is when you both feel comfortable enough with each other to start farting freely. Come, come, we all do it, kids!!!! Nothing to be ashamed of!!!! I'm sure it was never mentioned during the pre-nup, but, it will happen and you will release the glorious freedom from your insides. The sign of commitment is the loud raspy rip first thing in the morning. At first, Harold, you will think someone is sounding revelry by bugle. But, reality will tell you that she and her bowels are awake and, also, what she had for dinner. Hold her close, after the odor disappears. Tell her to pull your finger so you two can be as one.......... I assume you two have talked children. This is the most important part of any marriage after discussing doing a threesome. You both look like you are kids at heart. Harry, you have that imp look that your Father/Cousin has. Meghan, I don't know your heritage but I know you come from Los Angeles, that great city of sincerity and good feelings and real body parts. You must have been raised well by your Mom and Dad, Tad and Bambi. With both of you being raised by good stock, I'm positive that, by osmosis, your offspring will be prized children. Perhaps, they may even grow up and not have to worry about the normal things we all have to deal with. But, take it slow!!!! You do not want multiple children around the same age group!!! That would put a strain on your finances, and Harry, you might have to get a second job at WalMart......... Your wedding will be small, I'm positive. The neighborhood church that seats but a few. A video photographer that is a family friend. Be careful on not going over the limit on whom you invite!!! And, keep track of the gifts and who gave you what. That way, when you go to other weddings, you will have the proper amount to give. Sigh. I hope, since you are registered at Target, that you do not get a lot of toasters......... And, then, dear Meghan, you have your new in-laws. Do not be blinded by their beauty and electric personalities. Believe it or not, they have a hidden side. From Queen Elizabeth and her notorious nude wrestling pool parties, to Prince Charles and his famous love affair with the kid from ''Deliverance'' , the Windsors are a randy bunch. Sure, they can be a sporty crew--- like when the Queen likes to get drunk on ripple and show strangers her balls. But, please have some patience with this fun-loving bundle of dreamers. Take a cue from the sainted Princess Diana on how to handle them..... Ah, maybe, not with this last thought. You do not wanna die ''accidently'' in a Paris tunnel..........  There is more, so much more, to your marriage that you will experience. Take time and smell the roses. Look around at the wonder of your union and how you are everyone's fairy tale life!!!!!........ One more thing to look around at if you have time. Look around at what is going on in your home country of England. Take a family chauffeured drive around the cities and countryside. See what life is really like. Look at the poverty, which has grown worse as the decades have gone on. Look at the starving children, many of them still abused by the corporate punishment being given out in the sadistic school system. Look at the men and women who struggle mightily every day, as little by little, their health and spirits are shattered by continual gloom. Look at the horrible health care that these people do get--- waiting for their turn to have quality care in what passes for hospitals. And, then, look at your family history, Harry, and see how the Windsor Family--- the so-called ''Royal Family''---- have done nothing to stop the suffering. Your vast fortune was built on the blood of others, the so-called ''masses'' of your country. You know, the people who are not the ''beautiful people'' that you have been raised to believe you are. The ones that you tax and take from without any thought of what it is doing to their lives. The people who you pose for and egotistically court their adulation, putting yourself on pedestals because you feel you are so much better than the poor unwashed....... Well, I've got news for you both: you are nothing to me. I have forever wondered why the ''Royals'' have gotten away with murder for centuries of abuse. Yes, I get the schoolgirl fantasy of marrying your Prince Charming, but it does not hold water to reality. Why this country of Britain--- with more working class than even America----has not risen up and overthrown these charlatans and their caste system is beyond me........ So, you two will have to excuse my indifference at all of the hoopla at the engagement news. I do not care, as, I'm assuming, most people do not. Perhaps, you two are decent people---I hope so. Maybe, you will be the generation that wipes away the tyranny of the past and present. Maybe, you two will lead a revolution, kinda like what we did when we separated from the Mother Country in 1776. But, I do not think so. It is an endless cycle of abuse, the classic example of the very rich taking advantage of the rest of the population. You two are photogenic, I grant you that. Many people will follow your every move. For those poor souls, I have to question the pathetic state of their lives that they follow with interest the very people who represent the family who have shattered their dreams....... Piss off!!!!....... Jim Scoleri, American''............