Love Among Green Bay Packers Fans

Unlike many Chicago Bears fans I do not dislike the rival Green Bay Packers. I concede their heritage of Super Bowl winning and the famous that have passed through the gates of that historic franchise. There is an old saying that you do not hate your enemies because it will cloud your judgment. Plus, it is football, nothing more, like all sports, than entertainment. It is a diversion for Sunday afternoons when the fall is around us and our prayers are wishing for a mild winter. So, when I encounter a Packers fan, I will bow my head in sympathy for them, give them a few barbs as only a rival can do, pat them on the back, laugh, and lead them to the bar to watch our respective favorite teams slug it out. It is all good-natured fun, with a touch of evil.......... However, there is always that evil part. Humor mixed with a shot to the heart of a true-fan. You have to bring them down to Earth at some point and get the blood pressure points up a few notches. God knows, Cubs and White Sox like to give each other the business when the topic of the better baseball team in town is raised. Usually, that involves the history of your favorite team losing, plus, mention is made about the physical appearances of that teams fan base. The fan base is usually split in the Chicago area about our baseball teams. But, when we all unite in the glorious fall to join the Bears Nation, our venom turns up north, to the land of cheese and people not bathing on a regular basis. The Wal-Mart crowd that makes up the State Of Wisconsin. And, the latest thing I have learned today is there is a new dating site for lonely Packers fans. It is called GreenBayPackersLovers.com........ I heard this tasty tidbit from a favorite radio show I have. WSCR [the ''Score''] is devoted to talking sports. Since I am work during the day, I usually cannot hear much of the Dan MacNeil show, which is on from  9 am - 1pm every morning during the week. When I have the day off, like today, it is required listening. Well, this AM, they broke the story of this website. Like any other website devoted to those looking for love [or, lust], the site is trying to fix up people with the most in common. And, this site disregards such minor details as personality, appearance, job position, children, etc, and, concentrates its marketing on the most important thing for a Packers fan: finding another Packers fan to share their love of their favorite team. Much hilarity was  given out by MacNeil and crew about the quality of said Packers fans. And, it was all grounded in truth, which is the backbone of human observations...... Well, I went to the site to check out what all of the fuss is about. And, it is pretty much like you would imagine. Packers fans, dressed in their teams colors, looking for love in all of the wrong places. As with every website they showed fans from around the globe that loved the team. Some of the women were attractive, some looked like they could play linebacker for the team. One thing I thought was interesting is that the good-looking women portrayed on the page lived nowhere near Green Bay. There was a L.A. woman, someone from Hawaii. Not bad-looking lasses. My question to myself was, how come these attractive girls could not find love in the paradises that they live in? Why advertise there?.......... Then, there was the flipside. The men on the website. They looked like much of the livestock that I have seen driving through Wisconsin. Big, beefy-looking guys, who look like they would not like to enjoy anything better after a Packers game than to have sex with their sister. Now, you say, ''Jimmy, many male Bears fans are not very toned and fit, either. Why pick on the Packers men?'' The answer is easy: it is my fuckin blog and I can write whatever I want........ Like most dating sites the average date is not between two models. It is usually between two average-looking people who want to find someone as a partner. The same would apply on an average date on this Packers lovelorn site. So, lets us eavesdrop a little on the first date between a male and female Packers fan......... They would be at a bar somewhere near Lambeau Field, the home of the beloved Green Bay Packers. The parking lot would be made of one of those lots made entirely of gravel, no concrete. The smell of romance would be in the air, along with the smell of brauts. The male would arrive first: his name would be Cletus and he just finished his job of extracting dead goats from fences. He would amble out of his 1973 Charger vehicle, with a cigarette dangling from his greasy lips and flannel shirt on with the Packers logo. Before he rolled out of his car, he reached into his glove compartment and slapped on his expensive after-shave lotion, Brute. After farting one last time[ this is a first date, mind you, and one does not pass gas on the first date. That is for the second date], Cletus waddles into ''Perl's Diner and Gas Station''. He thinks he is getting there early, because that is the gentlemenly way to get into a girl's pants on a first date. Alas, Cletus is in for a shocker. Already sitting at the bar is his date. Her name is Cathy Jones, whom everyone calls ''Butch''. Butch has just finished her third portion of beans and brauts and already has a buzz on because she has been drinking since sun up. Butch arose with the cows to milk them and watch them have sex, so, she could get some kind of idea of how the evening will end with that Cletus fella from up north in the big city. This is a special night for Butch. At 45, this is her second date in life [Butch, being of the lively sort, loves to quote her age to strangers. She proudly points out on how her age and waistline have melded into one]. Butch is clean shaven, from head to toe, with two little scars that no one would notice unless they got intimate with her. One is under her chin where it is always the toughest to get every bit of hair. The other is under her left testicle, next to the tattoo of Brett Favre. Butch has just farted one last time before Cletus walked in because she believes it is not appropriate to fart in the first hour of the first date. When Cletus walks through the door with the broken doorknob, their eyes lock and immediately lust is in the air, along with the cigarette smell and the flying gobs of saliva........ They choose a booth near the bathroom. On the dating form they filled out, they both discovered that they are in love with the sounds of strangers going to the bathroom. It takes a good five minutes for both of them to squeeze into the booth. The introductions are brief and touching...... ''Me, Cletus........ Me, Butch''...... Immediately, to hide their self-consciousness, they grab the menu, which is the size of a phone book. They mumble to each other that they don't care what food they get as long as it has some cheese in it. Fortunately, every item on the menu does. The waitress soon takes their order and leaves to order the crane to bring the food. Then, the uncomfortable silence of a first date has settled on them. They look at each other and size up the others appearance. Cletus thinks that Butch has a pretty mouth. But, what really captures his fancy is when Butch smiles. Her eight remaining teeth give off the power of great human warmth and good sucking action. Butch, for her part, eyes this Cletus boy. He seems clean [but, she is willingly to overlook that annoyance], has the expensive cologne that she likes, and, when he laughs, he shows a lot of teeth, especially, after telling a joke, the teeth came flying out of his mouth and landed on her shoulder [ the good one with bones in it]. But, perhaps, the most touching moment of this date, the moment that is often told among the regulars at ''Perl's'', is when, right in the middle of the story that Butch is telling about how she lost her virginity to a pelican, Cletus leans over and picks the dead bug from the bald spot on Butch. They look at each other and realize, not only is he prone to heroic feats, but, the dead bug is bright green. Green Bay Packers green!!! After the moment, they looked into each other's good eye and found love. Their calloused hands were being held under the table. They both knew that they had found love with the right person, the type of person who lives for the glorious Green Bay Packers, and, whom would never leave this team for another for all of the bars of Dial soap in the world. The two kids, Cletus and Butch, romantics to the bone, found true love. And, they owed it to that website. One final act was necessary for this perfect night. The stars were out as they walked to their cars, their hearts alighting with the possibilities of love. Only one thing would seal this union. The melding of their bodies together for eternity. So, they farted......... Perhaps, this is the average date among Packers fans. Or, maybe, I'm being too critical. Maybe, the first date between Green Bay Packers fans is a union between two normal, good-looking, intelligent people. Two people who are joined together to do good things in life, to advance the love and good tidings that is the core of the human condition. Maybe, just maybe, the dates consist of people who will change the course of history for the better, who will lead us from the dark times that make up our daily lives and bring us, finally, together to be a loving people. Maybe, this is the real Green Bay Packers fan!!!!!........ Nah.........

The World Of Dave

The show started off like any other show in the history of David Letterman. Dave came out and delivered his monologue, the usual tidbits on what is happening in everyday life around us. The politicians got skewed, as only they should. There was some wacky comedy bits, and then, Dave went to commercial. When he came back from the break, the soon to be 67 year old man addressed the camera. This is where David Letterman excels. He just talks. He is not-----nor, ever has been-----the traditional stand-up comic. He is a storyteller, an explainer of life's humorous moments and our place in them. He is the chronicler of our times, the man who has always been on the pulse of the population. So, like any other night, millions of Americans settled in for the lively art of Dave. But, this night, April 3, 2014, we were all in for a surprise. David Letterman was announcing his retirement. He would leave his throne as King Of Late Night sometime in 2015. At first, there was no response from the audience. Dave has made a career at throwing loops at the audience, so, there was a silence from the audience. They clearly were waiting for the other shoe to drop, the comic punchline to go along with the stunning announcement. But, David Letterman was serious. He would be gone soon. In a few minutes, the audience got the fact he was serious. Stunned disbelief quickly turned into a well-deserved standing ovation. Not for the announcement, of course, but for the man and all he has done...... In the history of television there are very few pioneers of the tube. The type of person who comes into this medium and immediately goes the opposite way from anyone else. For all of the greatness of Johnny Carson, he was no pioneer. He was simply the best at a formula that goes back to old-time radio: interviewing the famous and non-famous. Carson was a survivor, the kind of person you felt comfortable ending your day with. He will forever be the gold standard any broadcasters will measure themselves against. David Letterman always knew this. He could not compete with the poise, charm, and good-natured feeling that Johnny gave off. So, Letterman did the classic role-reversal. Instead of copying, he would go the other direction. David Letterman became a comedian in the 1970's, the time of the anti-comic. The anti-comic was not the traditional show business comedian who told mother-in-law jokes and told non-threatening humor. No, rather, the anti-comic made fun of the whole idea of taking show business seriously. The anti-comic mocked establishments traditions and everything that it held so dear. The anti-comic was not afraid to get their hands dirty, to provoke and antagonize the audience with topical humor, especially, sex and drugs. Carson and his compatriots in his generation would never touch this type of humor. But, Letterman, influenced like he was by George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, etc would go down this route. He was no- angry- at- the- establishment- type, like the gentlemen mentioned above, but, he shared their contempt for the status quo of show business. Show business had always taken itself too seriously, always believing that they are on a higher rung of importance than us mere mortals who go about the 9 to 5. The new comic of the 70's showed its refusal to play by the rules, and, it was this feeling that David Letterman took with him to NBC in 1982 to do a talk show different than what had come before......... He actually tried this in 1980, this new format. But, some bonehead at NBC made the huge error of putting him on early in the morning, opposite soap operas and game shows. This audience, mostly middle-aged housewives, was the polar opposite audience he needed to try his new invention. Dave needed the young and hip audience. Those people were at school or working. The housewife crowd would never get his humor and what he was trying to innovate. And, they didn't. After ninety shows, he was canceled at the end of 1980. In poetic justice, the canceled show would go on to win Emmy Awards, a sign to Dave and the industry that he was on to something, if only he could get the right spot. NBC knew this, too. They kept Letterman under long-term contract with the network. They were holding him, waiting for the place to put him. Finally, it was decided that NBC would cancel Tom Snyder's ''Tomorrow Show'', which ran right after Carson, and put Dave there. Johnny Carson, one of Letterman's biggest supporters, would produce the show along with NBC. Clearly, even at this early date in 1982, Johnny Carson was telling the world whom he thought was his natural successor if he should ever leave the ''Tonight Show''........ That first show, February 1, 1982, ''Late Night With David Letterman'' blew the door open on the new comedy that would shape a generation. It was coined ''ironic humor'', humor born on the natural thought that the rest of the world, except us watching Dave, was one-step behind in common sense. That first show featured a wild and crazy Bill Murray. Murray really set the tone by coming out gangbusters, eventually taking over the program with a hilarious rendition of the then popular song ''Let's Get Physical''. Murray danced with technicians and the audience followed along. It was bizarre humor, something that would never be seen on stale old-time talk shows like ''Merv Griffin'' or ''Mike Douglas''. Bill Murray took the spirit that was in the air that night, the spirit of invention and unconventional humor, and ran with it.  Letterman gave him free reign to do whatever he wanted. With that first show, David Letterman was putting the blueprint of what his show would be out there for the public to embrace........ And, the public did. David Letterman immediately grabbed the audience that was awaiting him. It was the college crowd and young adults, the prized demographic for advertisers. The young audience, who grew up embracing the trailblazing humor of the original ''Saturday Night Live'', now was embracing the next step in comedy. This audience did not care about celebrities and their inane life, with their talk about Malibu houses and trips around the world. The Letterman audience would not be of that world, the phony world of show business. Basically, Letterman and his audience would always be like the kids in the back of the classroom in school. They were not the best athletes or the best-looking or the most popular. Rather, they were the class cutups, the people who made fun of the snotty kids who got all of the breaks in the world. And, Letterman was the guide of this humor. He was the Wizard Of The Absurd. In essence, David Letterman became America's Number One Smart-Ass........ The show was a hit immediately, and, surprising, the critics fell in love with it. They got the humor. Dave was experimenting with the stale medium. He did remotes from the street and talked to the people. He put cameras out in the public and made everyday people be the subject of his humor. He threw food off of buildings for no reason other than to see how interesting it looked hitting the ground. He put a camera on the back of a monkey and let the animal roam freely around his studio. He dressed in a suit of Velcro and threw himself against a wall to stick to it. He let the audience vote of what he should do next [ one awesome moment, the audience wanted him and his guest, Jane Pauley, to talk like they were on helium. Letterman went along, Pauley was not amused]. He invented a character named ''Larry 'Bud' Melman'', played by a sweet old man named Calvert DeForest. Memorably, when NBC was sold to General Electric, he went to the GE building with a basket of fruit and was kicked out by security!! And, mostly, Dave went after show business with a vengeance. The highlight of any program would be if a celebrity, who should have known better, came on his show and projected show business airs. Letterman would zero in on the pomposity and arrogance. The guests, most of them, did not realize how pathetic they were being made out to be by Letterman exposing them. He wasn't being mean to be mean, but, he was just bringing them down to Earth. Some grew quite pissed, like Shirley Maclaine and Natassia Kinski. And, in time, there would be a group of people who did not want to do his show, which made for more comic material for Letterman. The best thing to do would be to just go on his show and go along with him. Do not try to match wits with Dave, for as the late Gene Siskel used to say, David Letterman had the fastest wit in show business........ Jay Leno started out in L.A. on the comedy scene around the same time as David Letterman, circa 1975. They became friends, and as Letterman always stated, Dave based his stand-up comedy on Jay's. Leno was very funny, razor-sharp in his impressions of the world. He also admired Letterman's ironic view of the world and they became a mutual admiration society. So when Dave got his show in late-night, Jay Leno became his frequent guest. And, Leno always hit a home run with Letterman. The highlight of any appearance would be ''Jay's Beef'', which consisted of Leno talking about what pissed him off in life. These appearances greatly helped Leno. His career skyrocketed and soon he was asked by Carson to be the permanent guest host for the ''Tonight Show''. Letterman was happy for his old pal. Also, he was not threatened by this move. Dave had his ultimate sights on succeeding Carson on the ''Tonight Show'' when Carson was ready to step down. He knew Carson personally wanted Dave to take over. While Dave was in no hurry to move Carson out, he was waiting in the wings, having fun on ''Late Night'' and biding his time until Johnny retired...... But, behind the scenes, Leno and his aggressive manager, Helen Kushnik, had other plans for Carson. They were slowing acing Johnny out, with threats to NBC that they would lose Leno if they, NBC, did not give the ''Tonight Show'' to Jay. These threats, based on the very real courting of Leno by rival networks, finally came to a head in 1991. The ultimatum was given: either give Jay the show or he would walk. NBC wanted Leno as host. They did not trust that Letterman, who regularly skewed the network on his show, would be controllable on the ''Tonight Show''. Leno was nicer, and they felt, more accessible to that audience than Letterman. So, they gave the show to Leno in secret, without telling Carson or Letterman. Soon, Carson found out about the backstage dealings. He was fed up with NBC with not treating himself, or his protégé, Letterman, with any respect. In 1991, Johnny Carson announced he would be leaving the ''Tonight Show''. NBC then announced that the new host would be Jay Leno. This is how David Letterman found out he did not get his dream job. In the papers.......... That started the Great Late Night Wars. Letterman was very unhappy, both at NBC for lying to him throughout the years, and, at Leno, who seemed to backstab him in the grab for the ''Tonight Show''. Letterman's unhappiness became public knowledge. Dave's contract with NBC was scheduled to expire in 1993. After that, he was a free agent. So, then, the very public courting of David Letterman began. All the major networks, along with cable channels, went after this very hot prize. He was offered the moon by everyone. Finally, after months of being wooed by Hollywood, David Letterman decided to go with CBS. They would give him the time slot at 11:30 [10:30, Central Time] to go head-to head with Jay Leno's ''Tonight Show''. In  August of 1993, ''Late Show With David Letterman'' went on the air with great fanfare....... The first guest was, appropriately, Bill Murray. Murray was wild again, spray painting Letterman's new desk and taking Letterman out onto the street to ''introduce'' him to the public. The first year and a half of his new show, Letterman slaughtered the ''Tonight Show''. Once again, David Letterman had the show everyone was talking about. This Letterman, however, did adjust his comedy for his new time slot. Gone was the crazy antics and experimentation of the NBC show. He was reaching a broader audience, so, his humor had to open up. He was friendlier and more personable. He still retained the cranky smart-ass feel that made him famous, but, a more mellow David Letterman came through the TV. But, in 1995, he lost the title of Number One to Leno and his show. Maybe, NBC was right: the vast audience in America wanted nice, clean, non-threatening humor before it hit the sack. It got that from Carson, and, Leno consciously, molded his comedy to be more like Johnny [ that didn't stop Leno from ripping off a lot of Letterman's act on the ''Tonight Show'']. Night after night, the two former friends would battle for the hearts of America. Most nights, Jay won...... David Letterman's finest moment as a broadcaster came in the aftermath of 9/11. TV, especially, comedy, was in no mood for entertainment. Tragedy had intruded in our lives. One week after the attacks regular programming started up again. And, it was led by David Letterman. Comedians took their cue from Dave. When he was ready, they would be ready. That first night, the show started without the usual introductions and big sounds. It started with Letterman sitting quietly at his desk addressing the camera. Again, this is where he has always been his best. This Dave, wounded like we all were by the horror of the attacks, spoke from his heart. He talked about New York and the devastation. He talked about the bravery of its citizens and the honor they showed the world. This show was a special show because all the rules of show business were put aside. He spoke for all of us, one human being to another. He was articulate and sincere. After this show, it would not be unfair to say this, America began to slowly get back on its feet and live again. And, David Letterman, once again, was one of the Pied Pipers who led us..... The last few years, David Letterman became a father and husband. He also became a gossip subject, something he never could have imagined way back in the NBC days. His affairs with interns that worked for him became public knowledge after he was the victim of an extortion plot. To his credit, Letterman did not shrink from the scandal. He told us directly and honestly, sitting where he should have been--- from his desk and telling the world all about. While certainly not a golden moment to be admired, he did show courage in admitting his mistakes and the pain he caused.......... And, now he says he is leaving. His legacy, enormous in scope, is to be best measured against his competition. From Jon Stewart to Jimmy Kimmel and any stand-up who has come along, David Letterman's reach can be most felt with them. Their shows now have the anti-comic feel to them. It is the standard for a talk show now. Perhaps, soon, someone will come along and shake up this formula like he did so many years ago.........