When Jim Met Pat: Forever In Love

The old man was lying in the casket, his journey in life had ended. His name and background are now lost to history. He must have known love, though. His wake gathered the many who knew him, approved of him as a person. Young and old came out for the final salute. It was the final tribute to a life ended. But, somewhere in that vast crowd, two young and extraordinary people were about to meet their fate. They would meet in this unlikely arena. The love affair that would blossom on this night would have long-term ramifications, forging a union and a family that flourishes today. And, creating a son who is writing these words for you to read....... James Martin Scoleri liked to work the room. He had the natural ability to do so. With his good-looks and sweet demeanor came the remarkable ability to meet someone and be instantly liked by that person. James, well, Jim or Jimmy by those who know him, had a legion of friends and admirers. They saw his good heart and spirit shining through that warm personality. Jim was the type of person who you went out with for a good time, but, also, the type whom you told your problems to. He was a terrific listener who gave sound advice. And, he had that great smile!!! All teeth that proclaimed his goodness. You just wanted to be around him. He was twenty-three in 1951. His childhood had been marred by sadness and tragedy at times. His beloved father had died in 1943 at a very young age. Jim's mother, Mary, had recently given birth to Jim's brother, Tom. So, at the age of fifteen, he became the man of the family. He grew into the role like fitting into a pair of comfortable shoes. His natural ability to be liked and take charge suited this time, for Jim had a mother that could be very controlling and unstable. She was old-fashioned Italian, from the old country where Italian sons took care of their mothers. Jim loved his mother and was the good son, but, it was never enough for her. He had to be her whole life [ a practice her sisters used on their children ]. Throughout his childhood, Jim tried to please his parents. While his father was still alive, he witnessed the intense fights between them. They ran the gamut from the typical marital squabbles, to his father, at one point, chasing his mother around the home brandishing a gun. Jim knew his father would never use the gun, for he was a peaceful man. But, the moods of Mary would bring dark forces into the family. While she would be a terrific grandmother in the future, she never stopped the mind games with the people around her. When his father passed, Jim became the center core of the little family. He had dreams of being a musician. He loved music and wanted to follow the natural creative instincts that surged through him to become a professional musician. However, when death came to his father, Jim put his dreams and ambitions in the drawer and starting working to support his family. He finished school early [ he could have gone to a fine college had circumstances been rosier ] and got a job working in a factory. Now, his family on his father's side where, ah, not afraid to be on the other side of the law. This was Chicago, mid-forties, where the ''Outfit'' ran everything. The Scoleri family was not afraid to get their hands dirty. But, they never wanted this for their kids. The elders did what they had to and never let the kids in the family into the family business. Jim was always encouraged to stay away from the garbage and be clean. It was obvious, also, that he would never would have what it took to be a gangster, his persona was of a kind and honest man. So, he worked the good work, honest and proud. He kept his eyes on the family and took care of his mother and his younger brother. His dreams of music would come later. And, Jim also kept a busy social life. He loved to dance and be the life of any party. Naturally, this charisma would draw in the ladies. From what I have heard, Jim was quite the ladies man. Women were obsessed with him. According to family lore, one woman was threatening to kill any woman who would marry him. By 1951, when he went to that wake, Jim was leading the average life of someone his age. He wondered what his future would bring, and whom he would share it with......... Patricia Elizabeth Grimmer was a pampered child. The youngest of two girls born on the North Side of Chicago, she grew up, not rich, but, with the comfort of a few bucks in the bank. She was a beautiful child, with a shy and warm smile. She and her older sister, Gloria, grew up in the shadow of Wrigley Field. They became rabid Cubs fans [ unusual for girls in the thirties and forties ]. Patricia, whom everyone called Pat, idolized her father. He was an architect who very much doted on his daughters, It would be fair to say that the girls were somewhat spoiled in their youths. This was Depression time, when men and women were roaming the streets begging for work and food. Pat's family always gave where they could, but, they never felt the pangs of the Depression. The girls, who were always very close, went through their childhood like children should: unaware of the horrors of the world. They lived in the bubble of innocence and good times. Pat was introverted. She was shy in class and with strangers. Never rude, mind you, but, if a group of people were gathered, she tended to play the quiet onlooker. She lived in her own quiet world of her own thoughts and feelings. She never minded being alone. Growing up, because of her shyness, she had only a few close friends. But, she exhibited then the ability she never lost in life: strength of character. Underneath that shy girl was a strong emotional system. She was the rock for her friends [ and later, for her family ] who always calmed a tense and volatile situation with her sweet goodness. She had that soothing way that all mother's have even then. The world was going crazy and everything seemed to be going helter skelter, but, there was sweet Pat, a calm oasis in the storm. She would need that strength in time, starting with the death of her father when she was 19. He died suddenly of a heart attack. Pat never got over the loss of him. He was the family idol, the person she most admired in life. Now he was gone, creating a void in her life that was never filled. Her mother, sister and her grew even closer. But, the financial situation was gone and she came face to face with the reality of the world. Her shyness kept away from the world but now she had to join it. Pat had grown into a beautiful blond young woman. She was proudly Irish.She had the wholesome looks of the Land Of The Green, which, of course, attracted the opposite sex. But, Pat, despite her shyness, exhibited that strong sense of character, and was very picky on whom she dated. She did not date much and certainly did not sleep around [ she proudly always stated that she was a virgin on her wedding night ] and while she had many suitors who wanted to court her, she dated sparingly. Her life by the age of twenty one, when she went to that wake, was of a young girl working in a bank. She was wondering what was in store for her in life and if her Prince Charming was out there....... Now, here comes the gap in the story: no one, including Jim and Pat, can remember the exact moment of introduction. It must have happened the typical way with someone saying, '' Jim, this is Pat.'' However the exact exchange went, sparks flew immediately between the young people. It is easy to imagine the feeling in the air. Jim charmed her, like he charmed everyone. Pat listened and was shy, like with everyone. But, something happened. It was that instant sparking between two people that destiny brought together. They must have felt embarrassment because they were hitting it off between each other while some guy was dead a few feet away. At some point in the evening, Jim asked Pat for her number. She was a little hesitant because of her shyness, and also, she was a good girl who did not give out her number to strange men. But, Jim was persistent, in a way that a man is when he hears the bell ringing in his soul of a woman who interests him. Finally, Pat gave him the number. Jim wanted to call her right away but, Pat, always independent, was already drawing the lines in the sand. He would have to wait........ A few weeks later, the date came. They went out to dinner. It is the sign of the times back then in the year of 1951, but, he took her to an Italian restaurant to have pizza. Pat had never had pizza before. Pizza was only confined in that world of Italian people. The Irish had their own food. Pat gamely went along with trying this foreign food. She picked up a knife and fork to cut into it. Jim smiled that beautiful smile of his and gently admonished her, ''Pat, you do not use a knife and fork on pizza.'' She smiled back at him. And, it was in that moment, that small moment, that they became one. A look and feeling passed between them. It was the seed of affection that was starting to sprout into love. The eyes of these two grew warm and loving. If there was that one moment that they fell in love, it was here, over, of all things, how to eat pizza. The love affair had begun for the next forty years. And, Pat always ate pizza the proper way with her hands...... They were married in 1953. They were gloriously in love. Jim was embraced by Pat's small family. They loved him, as the rest of the world did. Pat was also loved by the Scoleri family, with one notable exception. Jim's mother, Mary, did not approve. The fact that her son now had someone else that was number one did not sit well with Mary. Plus, Pat had the added insult to be Irish. Anyone who was not Italian was thought of as not existing in the world. Pat tried always to get along with her mother-in-law. It was always an uphill battle. In time, Mary would accept Pat, but, never with any real affection and feeling. Throughout the marriage, Pat would always be on guard and defensive towards Mary, awaiting the knife in the back. Jim tried to play peacemaker, but, it was an uphill battle. Finally, Pat would demand he make some kind of decision since Mary was destroying their marriage. Firmly, Jim told his mother that this was the woman he loved and wanted to spend his life with. If Mary would not treat her better, then, he would cut off all contact with his mother. Pat was his life. He loved her furiously. Mary retreated but never surrendered the battle. While a terrific woman in many way, Mary was fighting her demons. A fragile truce would mark the years ahead........ Lisa was born in 1956. Tom came along in 1962. And, James Patrick [ a marvelous union of the names of his parents ] would arrive in 1965. Jim and Pat had the normal marriage. They knew joy and pain, success and setbacks, tremendous love and unbelievable heartbreak, like any couple. But, throughout it all they never stopped being a team. They never grew tired of being with each other. His friends became her friends. He took her on business trips  and never wanted her away from his side. As Jim made his way in the world, Pat managed the home front, with raising the kids and taking care of the domestic situation. There was always great joy when he came home, the house would be bustling with energy and laughs. They both wanted that. While they would go out socially and throw parties at their house, the prime feeling between them was being with the kids in the house. They passed their love and caring down in the bloodlines of the children. When you walked into the house, you were greeted with the feeling that you did not want to be anywhere else in life. It was the kind of house where people ate pizza with their hands....... Jim developed cancer in 1991. Bladder and colon. There was a feeling for a few horrible weeks that he would not survive. But, he fought the battle and survived. However, he was never the same person again. His body betrayed him and grew steadily weaker. Pat was by his side always, the steady rock she had always been. The next few years there was the unspoken feeling between them. It was the feeling that he would leave her soon....... Then came the horror of horrors in 1995. A call in the middle of the night from Ohio. The youngest son took it and heard the terrible news. Tommy, the second child, was dead. The police said it was suicide [ that is debatable] . Jimmy, the youngest, told his parents that their son was gone. The shock and grief was overwhelming for Jim and Pat. Pat broke down but Jim held up. He comforted her as only the love of someone's life could. While they held each other and wept their grief, the youngest child saw the shadow of grief settle over them, never to leave....... Six months later, Jim and Pat had their last night together. After the calamity of their son's death, Jim went down in spirit. This once vital and proud man, who embraced life and all that it gave him, suffered the overwhelming grief of losing a child. It sapped his spirit and he gave up. That final night together, March 21, 1996, his body and mind were leaving him. He sat in his chair. Pat was sitting on the couch nearby. Suddenly, Jim asked Pat to come hold him. He felt like he was dying. He wanted to be held by her one last time. And, she held him. There was no suffering. He was leaving her and wanted her close....... That night, in his sleep, Jim passed...... Pat discovered him the next morning. Before the tears came, she saw his expression. He was smiling....... Pat would be alone. Her son and daughter were there always but she was alone. Gone was her husband, partner, companion, lover, father of her children, and her inspiration. And, six months after he left Pat began her own health issues. A quadruple bypass would go wrong in the recovery room, stopping her heart three times and destroying one kidney and damaging her other one. Dialysis kept her alive for the next year and a half. Pat exhibited that Irish strength through it all. But, she needed Jim. She always talked about him as if he was still around, just in the next room. Despite the medical treatment she was getting, it did not help her much. Her youngest son found her dead, after she woke up and got dressed, curled up in the fetal position. A little angel lying in no pain....... So, they are now together again in Heaven. I picture them always together, as in this life. They have my brother with them and their parents and relatives and friends. There is always a grand party happening around them. Good times. And, there are two people, forever in love with each other, smiling and holding each other..... And, eating pizza...... With their hands, of course......