Happy Halloween

I had a sensible bag for the candy. One of those plastic bags that managed to find a lot of room for the treats. My friends had about the same volume to their bags. But, Brother Tommy always surpassed us all. My big bro used to haul candy in an old pillow case. Scouting and prowling the neighborhood and the outlining areas was his M.O. My dear brother had an a sweet tooth a mile long, so, it took him into the deepest apartment buildings and the far away homesteads. But, this was the 1970's, the last innocent time to be a kid. So, there was no worry to be had. And, there wasn't. Des Plaines, Illinois was innocent then......... Soon, the knocks will be at my door, like all of yours, with little kids telling me trick or treat [ always in a charmingly shy way] and their bags will be open for my giving them their rewards. Halloween, as we all know, is the second best time to be a kid. Christmas stumped every other day because you were waiting for the Magic Man himself, Mr. Claus. But, Halloween ran a close second because of one simple cardinal rule: you can eat as much candy as you want and you won't hear anything negative about it. No cautionary warnings that it will make your skin break out and rot your teeth. Everybody jumps on board the candy train....... I can't remember my first costume as a kid but it had to have come from Osco. Back in the golden era of the 70's, costumes were much more simple and economical. I always seem to remember being wrapped in some plastic outfit with the outline of a monster or ghoul on my chest. Skeletons ran supreme. However, I always liked pictures of Dracula and other monsters who scared the hell out of me every other day of the year. Mom always went to Osco to buy these outfits because it was rather cheap and we kids looked good all goofied up. In those times, there wasn't the elaborate special effects of the movies today. Then, if you wanted to be a ghost, throw a white sheet on your head. You wanted to look like a rock star? Chances are your older siblings had some psychedelic attire still left over from the free-wheeling Sixties that you could wear. But, the plastic outfits were the best. They weren't heavy, were rather easy to put on, and made you feel scary...... Remember how fun school was on Halloween? Perhaps, it was the only fun day of the year [ last day of school really doesn't count] because you had parties. The teachers were all dressed up in various costumes. They had to show respectability in their outfits, but I always wondered, even in my precious childhood, if they slipped off those costumes when we kids left, and then the fun would really start to unfold. But, the teachers always were cool with how they looked---- a sidenote: I look back and realize I always had good teachers in my school years. I do not remember disliking any of them at any level------ and, even then, I had the impression that by behaving like this, there was some real humans beings behind the lessons we were taught. Games spun around the classrooms, with every kid taking a turn and winning a prize. This was a touching gesture on the teachers part because not everyone was good at games. These women, bless them wherever they are now, always played fair and made sure no one was not a winner doing something. The music would be playing [ the ''Monster Mash'']  and much laughing and singing would be had. Thank you again, my lost-forgotten teachers of Albert Einstein Elementary School in Des Plaines. I hope we kids were good to you and gave back our appreciation on how well you threw a party........... After school, the action really started!!! You paired up with your friends and knew immediately which house would be hit first. You always singled out the houses with the best candy and you wanted to get there first before other kids took all of the good stuff. I think my lifelong drive to get to a party early comes from these days. I want the action to start now and last long. We kids didn't fuck around. There was a mission here to beeline to the first house and grab the moolah. Maybe, your first greeting of '' Trick Or Treat'' is the most powerful. It has been stored up in you for a year and the anticipation is making me waaaaiiiiiiiiiittttttttttiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg!!!!!!!! Suckers came out, along with candy bars. Snickers were always my favorite--- an affair to which I enjoy to this day---- but, Baby Ruths were welcome, along with Kit Kats or Hersheys or Mounds [ my Mom's favorite]. Sometimes, gum would fly into the bag. But, there was always some asshole who would give out fruit!!! They would drop an apple into your bag and break the suckers!!! What's with the apple, pal? As soon as we walked away from the house, we all would throw that apples back at the house. Fuck you, buddy!!! We want candy!!!........... After the first house had been visited, the candy would start to be eaten as you canvassed the neighborhoods. Along the ways, you would pass your school friends, some might have changed from their costumes earlier in the day and you would join them, sometimes as a big group, to march towards the door. I always appreciated the warm smiles from the mothers who answered the door. They were having a ball seeing our costumes and loving the joy that ran across our faces as we got the goods into our bags. I was raised to always say, ''Thank You'', when something is done for me. And, so were my friends. There would be the chorus of little kids voicing, ''thank you'', before the door closed. The moms would laugh, wave, and wish us all a good time, but, be safe........... And, we were safe. Des Plaines back then was like most suburbs. Everybody knew their neighbors and watched out for the kids playing. If someone suspicious was in the area, everybody knew and protected the kids. That was why my brother, Tommy, went distances for his rewards. The areas were safe. No one was gonna hurt anybody. There were no drugs or shady dealings in our community. If you were out after dark, everything was ok. But, you still had to check in with Mom and Dad. Normally, I was home by the time it was dark. And, as soon as I got home, my Dad would look through the bag to see what I got and if everything was safe. Maybe. But, he wasn't fooling me or anyone else. He was looking for candy he liked. Of course, Dad, you can have some of my stash. The problem was that my Dad and I had similar tastes in candy. So, I did see many precious Snickers make their way down my Dad's throat. It was all good, though. Even then, I would have given him the world.......... The final reward of the special day was the annual viewing on Channel 9 of  ''Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein''. This was a religious viewing. Eating the candy while Bud and Lou met up with Dracula, the Wolfman, and ole Franky himself. Even though it was a comedy, there were still some scary moments in the movie. Now, its laughable, but when you are a kid, things like being alone in your house and hearing things go bump in the night really scare you. The scares in this chestnut of a movie are all in good fun, however. A good, scary movie is required watching on a day like this. Not the absurd and violently gross movies that pass as horror films now. But, a movie you can watch with someone, or better yet, alone, with the lights off, that keeps your heart beating a little faster and on the edge of your seat......... The candy is in the bowls by my door awaiting the first knocks. The only worry is that I will start eating some of it before Halloween arrives. I look forward to seeing the kids and their costumes. I look forward to seeing how happy their faces are as they wish me ''trick or treat'' and hold open their bags. I look forward to them being pleased by the candy because I buy some good stuff. I look forward to seeing their hot Moms there watching over their kids. Last year, I got hit on by two mothers but they looked like Bela Lugosi, so nothing came of it. And, I look forward to watching ''Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein'' again. It will be watched with me eating candy and reconnecting, for a little while anyway, with the kid in me......... We all need to revisit our childhoods in some form. God help us when we ever stop being kids at heart........

Great Depressions

Okay, so, I am a little depressed lately. Its nothing to get down about. Many thoughtful family and friends have been in contact with me wondering where my head is at and if I am feeling good in life. Yes, I reply gratefully, all is well with me and my psyche. I am just in the same low emotional well that we all find ourselves in. You can't really point to a reason or incident. But, your mood is not aligned in the positive direction, so, you feel a case of the blahs. We all go through it and caring people around you are on guard. For me, there is the added worry because I had a brother who committed suicide. That sends a quiet signal to the watchguards who care about me--- and, my family--- that we should be checked in on. I repeat: I am fine and still am in love with life........ The subject of depression is interesting to me. I view life through the filter of humor. I try to see the absurd in everyday circumstances, which results in my social commentary. Sometimes, that viewing can be really twisted in a cruel way, i.e. sick jokes or black humor. I am grateful I have this humor filter in my soul. I cannot imagine how a humorless person views the harshness of reality without the humor bone attached to you. If you view life and its occurances in the clear light without humor, then, it is a pretty bleak and depressing experience. Tragedy, human horror, corruption, broken dreams, make up the shape and face of the world. We all encounter setbacks and harsh brushes with cruelty. How someone who looks at this soberly, without humor to fall back on, must be deadly. And, those people, when they fall into that well of depression, are most likely to hear the voices of doom to end it all. I don't hear those voices, thankfully. And, neither did my brother. The true story of his demise, as some of you know, was more accidental death than an intentional taking of life. But, his death was ruled a suicide, so, that stain his legacy must be. But, as a Scoleri family member since birth, I can tell you we all have embraced the richness and celebration of life and all it gives us. Deep depressions do not inflict our DNA. Rather, we can tend to slide to the ''a little blue'' column under depression. All is well in Scoleriland........ Is it wrong to be depressed? No, I do not think so. Everyone swings back and forth between happiness and sadness at various times during a lifetime. Some of the most famous and brilliant people in history were moody fucks. Winston Churchill, Ben Franklin, Franklin Roosevelt. The list goes on. It has been reported that Abraham Lincoln was manic-depressive all of his life. These men certainly knew heartbreak and setbacks. However, they channeled the negative to spur their systems on to do great things, which they certainly did. Maybe, if Lincoln was clinically ''normal'', he might have been a colder, crueler person. His depression led him down the path to human understanding and enlightenment. He saw and felt the suffering of the common person because he knew the feelings firsthand. Depression, however sad, can be a useful learning tool for us and to use to further shape our character......... But, the obvious argument about depression is when does it cease to be a momentary downslide and become a genuine problem. Depression is too delicate and complex an issue to do a blanket statement on. I resent psychiatrists who classify everyone who goes through a bad emotional state as someone with a problem. These simple-minded takes on the human spirit is meant, in my opinion, to raise the good doctor in the eyes of the patient, as some kind of healer and all-wise counsel. They may care, as they claim, for your emotional being but that caring always comes at a price. I have never been to see a shrink [ and, I know that many people benefit from seeing someone ] but the tales of woe that I have heard steer me towards a very negative  opinion of the profession. I have heard the stories of a sudden breakthrough in the patient, only to be stifled because the time is up and we must address this issue at our next session. What? The patient has had an awakening and you do not pursue it because the money meter for the hour is up? The doctor then is sending a mentally fragile person in the world with his or her mind unshackled of emotional blockage, who is now vulnerable to depresssion. I'm willing to bet that a lot of suicides happen because the demons are running unchecked after a visit to a shrink......... The drug companies sure love depression. It seems like most of the population is hopped up on some kind of anti-depressive. That is fine with some folks who need to have a mood stabilizer. Still, many people are on this medicine like Prozac, who should not be on it. Another reason I hate psychiatrists is that most have become like a drug dealer, freely dispensing this miracle drug to control the moods of the population. Once again, this is ok for some but not for everyone. I see kids, little kids under ten, being told that there is a problem with depression and the child must be on Prozac or some other drug. They use terms like ''ADD'' to justify where they think your child is in danger. My question has always been, why not let the child be a little depressed? Why must the sad feelings of life be suppressed? These feelings go hat in hand with joyous feelings. Shouldn't a child feel all angles in the emotional cycle to better deal with life? I believe so.At some point, reality will hit that child in the face and now you have a human being incapable of dealing with sadness, pain, and unfullfilled desires. And, then, you have some serious depressive problems.... What is the answer? My way of dealing with negativity in life has been to face it head-on, not retreating. If I am down, I allow myself to be down. I know me better than anyone else and sometimes the well of sadnessand depression must be visited. For me, this visit somehow recharges my system and gives me a fresh start on happiness. I do not look forward to being down in the dumps but my system has to feel the negative in order to march towards the positive. That is me. I accept the negative stigma that depression is as a learning tool. It gets me reaquainted with the sad in me. Many people do not want to acknowledge that sad exists, as if that is something to be ashamed of. I do not wallow in it but I face it as best as I can. Hopefully, it helps me grow into a better person........

Who Done It?

Okay. Who did it? It has been fifty years now and I wanna know. Surely, all of the principal architects of the murder are long gone. The people who pulled the trigger. The groups or organizations that planned the murder. And, the getaway people who helped cover it all up. Either they are dead or near to it happening. So, I want a real deathbed confession. I want someone who knows the story truthfully and is not pulling our leg with false clues and a theory. More than my selfish reasons of finding out the truth, we, the people of this country, deserve to know once and for all who killed our President....... It is the most famous murder in history. And, the most famous unsolved crime. Everybody has a theory of who did it. John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 46, riding in the middle of an American street in Dallas, Texas, was fatally shot down right in front of our eyes. There were hundreds of people around, some police and Secret Service, some, like you and me, ordinary citizens who just wanted to catch a glimpse of a President. There was also the Zapruder film, shot by garment designer Abraham Zapruder, that actually caught the murder as it was happening. It was shot on grainy home camera footage, but, it showed all of its ghastly horror. The first bullet hitting Kennedy around the throat, Governor Connally being struck by this same bullet, or, perhaps a different bullet, and, finally, the final shot. This shot took the top of the head off of JFK and splattered blood everywhere, including, all over his wife, Jackie. The images from that day still stun and shock. Jackie climbing out the back of the car, trying to find her husband's brain. The Secret Service man, Clint Hill, saving her from sure harm by catching her before she tumbled off the car. The horror as the witnesses screamed and cried and went into shock. These few moments forever changed history. A new President came in, Lyndon Johnson, but, the spirit of the times, the feelings of hope and anything was possible, were shattered in seconds. History has called it a lost innocence, when the country heading down the path towards apathy and hate. Maybe. That is open to debate because this country---- and any country in history---- has not ever been innocent and pure. Hate and greed and violence are as old as humanity. However, there was a noticable change in the mood of the country after the death of President Kennedy. Partly, it was because he was a young, handsome President, with a beautiful wife and adorable children. And, he was young. When youth dies in the full flower of its promise, we, the people, somehow feel older. The truth of his Presidency is that JFK gets an incomplete mark as a President. Only in office for two-and-a-half years, he did not do very much. There was the folly of his bungling of the Bay Of Pigs in 1961, when he failed to send in troops to support a CIA led invasion of Cuba. But, the following year, he proved his metal when he handled the missile crisis intelligently and strongly by standing up to the Russians putting offensive weapons in Cuba that could strike the United States and destroy cities in less than thirty seconds. And, in 1963, shortly before his death, he signed the Nuclear Ban Treaty with the Soviets that banned testing of nuclear weapons in the air and sea [ but, most interesting, not on land]. So, when he was cut down on that Dallas street in November, 1963, he was personally popular, but, did not have many achievements on the books yet. He seemed to be moving in the right direction had he lived. But, he was struck down in his prime and forever is now enshrined as a dashing hero of Camelot whom we lost as he was ready to bring victory to his people. Again, this open to debate for historical scholars...... The other part of his death has lingered on since the final bullet. Who killed him? We know the police immediately arrested Lee Harvey Oswald and he was instantly marked as the man who killed President Kennedy. For two days, he was the villian of the world. Then, while being transfered from the Dallas prison to another location, he was shot in cold blood by Jack Ruby, a local nightclub owner and police groupie. Oswald died ninety minutes after being shot. Ruby, arrested and eventually convicted of the murder, claimed publicly that he killed Oswald because of his admiration of Kennedy. Ruby would die of cancer in jail a couple years later........ Almost immediately, the theories of conspiracy began. The government investigation of the killings, The Warren Commission, quickly determined that Oswald acted alone, that he shot JFK from the sixth floor of Book Depository, where he worked. The Warren Commission believed that Oswald killed him after firing three bullets. The first bullet, later referred to as the ''magic bullet'', hit Kennedy from behind through the back of his throat, exited from the front, changed direction in mid-air, and came down at another angle and hit Governor Connally in the back. The second bullet missed its targets. But, the third and final bullet, according to the Commission, was the head shot that tore away Kennedy's brain...... Now, do you, reader, know of anyone who buys this theory? I don't. This explanation by the Commission has been disputed and proven impossible by scientists and expert marksmen ever since it was made public. It could not have happened the way the Commission stated. Two key points dispute the findings of the panel. One, the majority of witnesses in Dealey Plaza, where the assassination occured, claimed that the final shot came from the front of the car, meaning from the direction of the famous ''grassy knoll'' area directly in front of the car. Immediately after the killing, the bulk of the people ran towards this area because they believed the shooting came from there and that there was smoke coming from behind the fence, smoke from a rifle. When interviewed by police and the government later, some 90% percent of the people in Dealey Plaza say without a doubt that the shots came from there. To be fair, some others did claim that they heard shots from behind the car from the Book Depository. If these witnesses are to be believed, and, I think they are, John Kennedy was shot from the back and the front, a victim of a crossfire killing......... The second key point is the Zapruder film, perhaps the most famous single film in history. There was no sound on the film, but, the visuals are striking enough. They show Kennedy and Connally being struck. And, they show the final bullet taking Kennedy's life. His head goes BACK AND TO THE LEFT. This was only possible from a shot from the front. In no way could have a shot from behind him have caused his head to twist this way. The Zapruder film was the key bit of evidence to support the theory that Oswald do not act alone [ if, in fact, he did shoot at all]. If the shot did come from the front, as the film and witnesses support, then Kennedy was the victim of a conspiracy. With Ruby silencing Oswald two days later, we were assured of never knowing the true story......... Throughout the years, with the public rightfully rejecting the inane and whitewashed report of the Warren Commission, various plot scenarios have surfaced regarding who killed JFK. The Kennedy brothers, John and Robert, had many enemies. The Mob, whom were relentlessly being pursued by Attorney General Robert Kennedy, were said to be the most hateful of the Kennedy enemies. In addition to the prosecution and convictions of ''the boys'', the Mob felt cheated because they believed they were responsible for putting JFK in office. Through the shady dealings of JFK's father, Joseph Kennedy, who made bribes and promises to the Mob in exchange for support in the election, the Mob felt double-crossed by Bobby Kennedy's personal vendetta against organized crime. The Mob was also in bed with the CIA, another hater of the Kennedys, with the secret assassination plans cooked up during the Eisenhower adminstration to kill Fidel Castro. Castro, when he took power in 1959, had shut out the Mob in Cuba, therebye, cutting off their substantial profits from gambling. In late 1959, the CIA approached members of the Syndicate to plan a murder of Castro. This plan lasted a few years until Bobby Kennedy found out about it and furiously canceled any dealings between the Mob and the CIA....... But, the CIA and the Mob did not cease their plans. The planning of the killing of Castro continued, this time under even more cloak and dagger. The CIA had a healthy hatred towards the Kennedys ever since the Bay Of Pigs fiasco, when it believed the Kennedys had let them down by not supporting their plan better with military force. With equal parts hatred directed towards Castro and JFK, the Mob and the CIA could have easily decided that killing Kennedy was far more realistic than killing Castro. More would be gained by eliminating JFK and getting Castro later. So, it is very possible, that the sides were changed and killing Kennedy became the prime objective. The CIA could cover up the assassination conspiracy on its end, enticing any government investigation to go along with the lone gunman theory in the interests of the government and national security. And, the Mob could use its expertise on random killings and bribery of law enforcement to achieve the goal of '''killing with extreme prejudice''........ This has been the strongest theory throughout the years, that the Mob and rogue elements in the CIA were in bed together to kill Kennedy. Among the most fervant believers in this idea was none other than Robert Kennedy. He publicly backed the Warren Commissions findings, but, privately scoffed at it. Those closest to RFK say that he believed the Mob killed his brother, namely New Orleans Godfather Carlos Marcello, who was high on Bobby's ''get list''. Those same friends believe that had Bobby lived he was going to open the investigation again himself, and focus on who really killed his brother....... Now, fifty years have passed since our elected President was shot. No concrete proof has been established on who or whom really killed him. There has been no one who has come forward and claimed to know the truth of who the killers truly are. In a strange way, this supports the lone gunman theory, that Oswald did it. The fact that in all of this time, no one who was involved in any conspiracy to kill JFK has stepped forward with evidence to solve this biggest of riddles. Until this person, or persons, step forward, the official verdict in history is that Lee Harvey Oswald, at 12:30 PM, on November 22, 1963, in Dallas, Texas, fatally murdered the sitting President of The United Staes, John Fitzgerald Kennedy........ I still don't buy it. But, the fact remains, who did do it??...........

I Still Hate Yoko

On December 9, 1980, twenty-four hours after her husband was shot dead in cold blood, Yoko Ono had dinner with three people. They were Calvin Klein, Steve Rubell [ from ''Studio 54'' fame[ and David Geffen. The dinner was in a secluded restaurant in New York. The media and world's press had descended on Yoko's residence, the Dakota, since the shooting. Therefore,the sight of this dinner had to be discreet, away from the prying eyes that were still crying for the loss of a beloved public figure. At the dinner, Yoko was flying high. Those in attendance testify that she was in good spirits. She was in ''Yoko Mode'', meaning, that all she cared about was Yoko Ono. What was uppermost on her mind was promotion. The album she and her late husband had put out, which received a tepid response when released three weeks earlier, was now, in the wake of his death, selling like hotcakes. Yoko was very game to take advantage of this unexpected oppurtunity. She pressured Geffen, who had put out the album on his record company label, to market it anyway he could. All at the table knew that this tragedy would incite the fervor of the fans to buy it. Geffen, for his part, was on cloud nine. He had announced that shortly before the shooting, he had insured Yoko's husband for a million dollars. So, with the sudden death--- and, the outpouring of grief making people buy the album---- Geffen was gonna make millions. Yoko Ono was satisfied. She finished her dinner and then went  back to her apartment of grief, content on the knowledge that the album was gonna go through the roof...... On Wednesday, December 10, 1980, Yoko Ono was at the Record Plant, the famous recording studio in New York. She was with Jack Douglas, who was an old friend of the family and a legendary record producer. Douglas had just produced ''Double Fantasy'', the comeback album of Yoko and her late husband that had just been released. Yoko had convinced Douglas that he needed to come to the studio right away and work on a tribute project for the murdered rock star. Jack Douglas, one of the nicest and most honest men in the music business, was so full of grief about what had happened 48 hours earlier, that he agreed to do it as a special favor to Yoko and, also, to honor the memory of his fallen friend. When Jack got to the studio, Yoko was full of her typical zest. She wanted Douglas to take the song her husband was holding when he was shot down, ''Walking On Thin Ice'', a Yoko single, and intercut classical music along with snatches of dialogue from the famous couple. Jack Douglas, with tears streaming down his face, complied, because, as he later stated, he thought he was still serving and honoring his friend. While Yoko chain-smoked constantly, Douglas finished the editing job. Yoko was happy. Now, she would have a hot single to release to coincide with the continued mourning of her husband...... Meanwhile, across town, John Lennon was being cremated. Cremation was a horror to Lennon. He had given instructions that he wanted a proper burial. Yoko, not for the first time, but, certainly for the last, overruled his wishes........ I am among the legion of people who hate Yoko Ono. The two examples above are some reasons. I saw the beginning of David Letterman the other night and they used Yoko Ono in the ''cold opening'', which is the comedy bit shows do before the opening credits roll. The bit was funny. Then, I saw that she was gonna be the musical guest on the show. She was gonna sing!!! Not wanting to waste any time on this woman  I quickly turned off my set. But, lying in bed, I kept thinking how history changes the perception of people. Once reviled, now Yoko is, well, not beloved, but accepted. Her music, if you wanna call it that, is called in some quarters, as pioneering. The ''New Wave'' groups of the early 80's cite her as a prime influence. As I write this, the song Lennon was carrying when he was shot, Yoko's ''Walking On Thin Ice'', has been rereleased as a dance song in clubs. And, it is a hit now [ despite Yoko's aggressive hustling of it after John's death, the single failed to chart]. Now, Yoko Ono, age 80, is an admired musical person. I know, its unfuckinbelievable....... John and Yoko met in November of 1966. By his own estimation, Lennon was on an acid binge for three days. He was invited to an avant garde show by some Japanese artist named Yoko Ono. John went thinking that this show was some kind of prelude to a sexual happening. He was disappointed. However, he was intrigued by the art and the artist. They met that night and stayed platonic friends for 18 months, until, one night in May 1968, they became lovers. From that night on, they became the team of John and Yoko. They used promotion to sell anything from her bullshit art to peace slogans. Their most famous ''happening'' were the ''Bed Ins For Peace''. There were two of these events and they were advertisements for peace. And, they were advertisments for John and Yoko........ Much of their history, mostly public, has been exposed by the media for years and years. All of their hijinks were out there for the public to judge and either applaud or condemn. I always spilt the line of these events. Some things, like the peace movement and hope for a better world, I agreed with. But, other things, like their foolish embrace of leftist politics in the early 1970's, spoke badly for them. However, a person is allowed to live their lives in any way they seem fit, so, unless they were hurting someone, I always felt, whatever gets you through the night..... But, the Ballad Of John And Yoko ran much deeper. I'm not talking about her bad art and music, or, how his music and art suffered after they became a team and husband and wife. No, I was always disturbed about the amount of obsessive control Yoko had over John. Many Lennon fans do not want to believe Yoko controlled him, but the evidence is so heavy in that direction that it cannot be dismissed. In all of the interviews the couple gave during John's lifetime, he always talked about how he fell head over heels in love with Yoko and was willing to give up everything to be with her. He certainly did. His public image never recovered from 1968 until his death. On the day he died, he was still thought of as a nutcase in some people's minds. But, if you read those very same interviews in which John talks about falling in love with Yoko, nowhere, in any interviews they gave together, does she talk about when she fell in love with him. Clearly, he was more besotted with her than she was with him....... So, then, what were Yoko's feelings towards John? Did she use him amd exploit him? Well, yes, she did. Not being in Yoko's mind I cannot read her true emotions and thoughts. But, her actions observed by those close to the couple always maintain that she held a viselike grip on him. First, when they got together, she alienated John from his son, Julian. Then, his family. Finally, she went after the elephant, The Beatles. It is no coincidence that the band started to fall apart just when the couple got together. John brought Yoko to the studio when the boys made their music [ a practice prohibited before to wives and family] and Yoko sat right by John. At first, the other Beatles treated her with politeness. She was, after all, John's girl, and, who knew if she would be around long? Well, she was gonna be. And, that is when the tension started. First, it was George  who spoke out against her, and, then, Paul. Fights, bad feelings, and a general awkwardness spread into the group dynamic and ate at its core. Paul and George grew to hate Yoko and her domineering influence over John. He changed. Suddenly, this strong-willed man, who had been the others idol and leader they worshipped, was a lapdog to this crazy artist with strong opinions about their music and themselves personally. John tried to play referee. These were his dearest friends fighting with the love of his life. But, finally, he had to choose a side and he chose Yoko. Also thrown into this bizarre atmosphere was Yoko hooking John on heroin. John Lennon was no saint when it came to drugs. He abused all drugs. George Harrison always maintained that Yoko truly got a full hold on John as a person by getting him on smack. Yoko, of course, denies it. With all of the negative vibes swirling in the air, John's heroin addiction drove him into complete dependence on Yoko. In time, about a year and a half later, John announced to the group during a meeting that he was quitting. The others were shocked and tried to talk him out of it. John and Yoko ran from the room, with Yoko shouting as they left, ''Its over!!''........ In 1970, John Lennon and Yoko Ono went to America and into primal therapy. The heart  of this psychoanalysis is that a patient is taken back into the source of his or her pain and tries to scream out the pain. John was deeply haunted by his childhood. His father left before he was born and his mother left him in the care of his Aunt Mimi. Later, John would establish a realtionship with his Mum but she was killed by a drunk driver when he was 16. He never got over the pain of her death and his parents abandoning him when he was small. John always was looking for a Mother substitute, someone who could tell him what to do and protect him against the bad people in the world. Here, the aggressive Yoko, fit the bill to a T. She became not only John's lover but his protector and Mother replacement. So, when primal therapy came along the couple jumped on it, believing John could possibly exorcise his anger and suffering from childhood. The therapy was a success in that John did confront some issues he had hidden in his mind for years. He never, though, shook his feeling of loss when he was young....... Primal therapy exposes one's soul. All of the agony is wide open to be analyzed. Whomever witnesses this unleashing of the human soul will grasp where a person's most vulnerable feelings are. Yoko Ono was right next to John when he opened up his soul. She now knew his deepest fears......... From 1971 on, John Lennon was under the full control of Yoko Ono. She made him move to New York [ which, it must be said, he loved]. Never again would he set foot in England. Never again would he see his Aunt Mimi and other family members. It would be years between visits with his son Julian. Yoko even distanced the other Beatles from him, not telling him when one of them called or was in town. She held him on a short leash and monitored everyone he spoke to and saw. That is how he got involved with the Radical Left of Jerry Rubin and Abbie Hoffman. These fools stuck to Lennon like glue and brought the heat of the Nixon government after John. Sure, John enjoyed baiting the squares and lighting the fires of controversary. The old John still rose up at times and he was truly himself. But, after a while, Yoko would swoop in and John would go back to being the smothered baby......... 1975 brought the arrival of their son, Sean. Yoko told John that if she had to carry the baby for 9 months, then, after he was born, it would be his responsibility to raise the child while she played businesswoman. Basically, they exchanged sexual stereotypes. John took to this, lovingly raising Sean for his first five years. The couple had many miscarriages prior to Sean, so, John did not want any distractions when it came to rearing him. This plan went hand in hand with Yoko's domination plan, so, all bases were covered. For five years, John became a hermit behind the enormous walls of the Dakota. While he relished bringing up his son, he also became a frustrated musician because Yoko told him no making of music during this time. That is why John Lennon never made music during the bulk of the 70's....... The dirty, dark fact no Lennon fan wants to admit to is this. John Lennon wanted to be dominated. He was a very smart person. He knew when someone was conning him and taking advantage of him, whether it was a groupie or the Maharishi. He willingly went along with her plans for him because, at heart, he was a very scared person. Yoko Ono provided with that screen of security that kept the rest of the world away. Even his closest friends and family. When John made his deal with his Devil, Yoko, he knew fully well what she was doing. And, he accepted it. This is the saddest thing about John Lennon, apart from his death...... Then, he was shot. Yoko was right in front of him. She screamed and pleaded for him to survive. Of course, he didn't......... So, as the years have gone on, Yoko Ono has been transformed from the homewrecker- con artist-evil witch public persona to the grieving widow. And, she has found the respectability and love from some people denied her when John was alive. She lives and markets the pity well, I grant her. But, when you compile all of the evidence I still hate her. I really don't believe she loved John. I think she used him for his fame and fortune. She denies these charges, naturally. But, again, the evidence is overwhelming....... So, she can be a hitmaker at 80, with appearances on shows that show off her good will. I don't buy it. She still is the same hustling figure she always was......