Hangover Blues

Ok. I will whisper this in writing. I know that it hurts to even focus at moments like this. When you mention all of the unpleasant feeling you are experiencing now, well, I have been to the mountaintop myself a few thousand times. You have the nasty feeling all over you and you are brittle. Your mouth tastes like, well, its an sour taste to end a less hardy individual. You have the pounding head, the shakes, endless gallons of gas brewing out of you, and the awful feeling of what the hell did I do to myself last night? Yes, dear victim of fun, you have a hangover. Let me try to help you through it with sympathy and style...... First, let me laugh at your misfortune!! Ha-Ha!! Oh, my, I haven't laughed that hard in ages. I laughed because it is kinda perverse pleasure to see someone else suffer on that same road to body ruin that I have traveled way too much. It is a little bit of, ''Thank God it ain't me!'' syndrome. But, back to compassion. I really do feel for you. I know the agony that a previous night's debauch can do to you. And, because I am a deeply feeling human being I offer you nothing but the best wishes of a speedy recovery..... Hangovers are a tricky thing to analyze. Sure, there is the standard medical explanation of why your body is suffering. Something about dehydration and internal abuse to certain organs. Fine, let the doctors play with their diagnosis. You do not want why you are feeling in the sewer explained to you, just how to pull yourself out and begin to see life again clearly. And, hangovers, goddamn them, like to fuck with you. They sneak around the corner like an stalker, awaiting the time to swoop in and bring you to your knees. I have had many nights---many nights--- on the sauce and I still can't figure out the next day's reaction my body will greet me with. Sometimes, I have drank gallons of booze, both hard liquor and beer, and, the next day I feel pretty good. At other times, I have had just a couple of beers before retiring and, BAM!, the next morning I feel like Sonny Corleone lying by the toll booth after the Barzini Family has ambushed him. Most hangovers do occur, though, because you have tied one on last night and your body decides that overabundance, while pleasurable at the time, will come back to haunt you badly the next day. And, you have that notion going through your head, even as you are trying to outdrink the country of Germany. Still, you do not pay much heed to this foolish and fast-leaving thought. Hell, I will stumble across that road when I come to it. I usually remember that thought in the morning when I am praying to God to deliver me from the pain........ My first hangover, I believe, came when I was in junior high. Myself and some other daring rascals got drunk on beer at a buddy of mine's house. His Dad had some beer in the basement. One Saturday afternnon, we junior Reservoir Dogs decided to pop open some cans and act like the big boys. Now, I come from a family of non-drinkers. My parents would hardly ever touch alcohol, usually at a restaurant, and, then never more than one or two drinks. My sister is not an imbiber, but, my brother was. So, the idea of me drinking kinda left me a little bit of an oddball in the family unit [ a role I have demonstrated, in various degrees, time and time again]. That day with my friends I'm sure we did not drink more than a couple of beers each, but, with no tolerance and still being too young for our bodies to handle it, I was sick as a dog that evening. I went home and, thank goodness, my family did not pick up on anything strange. But, I was throwing up the rest of the night. You would think, with this early experience, it would have turned me off of drinking. They say God protects drunks and fools. Well, I was drunk, but, too foolish to learn my lesson....... And, as I became an adult and went out into the real world of drinking, the hangovers went hand in hand with the good times. Once more, there were times when I drank a lot and nothing the next day. Then, the opposite would happen. For there is no proven cure of a hangover, despite what people may tell you, the only thing you can realistically do is just wait it out and let your body punish you for your foolishness. And, once the body is done, you can be sure that you will have the significent other person in your life to add to the misery. The one thing that causes real hate in any drinker is someone rubbing it in your face what a fool you are to do this to yourself. It could be a Mother, wife, girlfriend, or a judge, if you have been really naughty. The ''I told you not to drink so much'' school is not what you want to hear at that moment [or, ever, for that matter]. Just leave me alone, my dear love of my life, because if you don't, I will have to kill you after I'm doing with vomiting...... While you are waiting for your body to recover, there are some things you can do to alleviate your suffering. Fast food helps. Greasy food really does help your system because it tastes good, and, it will help your body cleanse itself faster by rushing through your system, if you know what I mean. For God's sake, do not exercise!! This is a terrible rash decision. I want you to live through this, not try to sweat it out of you. It is bad for your blood pressure and your system. And, what the fuck, are you a sadist or something? What kind of moron wants to exercise when you really feel like you need a priest to perform the last rites? I knew a guy once, who, when he was hungover, would go out and run six miles. He claimed he never felt better after the run. He did it every time he was hungover. I believe he has been dead now a good sixteen years....... The obvious thing to do, if you never want a hangover, is to either not drink, or, drink in moderation. I've tried both and it is not for me. I like drinking [ there was an old-time comedian, Joe E. Leonard, who said, ''I feel bad for people who do not drink because when they get up in the morning that is gonna be the best they feel all day!'']. Drinking has always been a fun activity for me, never a necessity. I drink for the social aspect of drinking, not because I am hiding deep pain or an addiction. And, truth be told, I do drink in moderation nowadays. In my younger days, well, there are many stories people have about me in an alternate state of being. But, rare is the time when I get hammered now, maybe, a couple of times a week, ah, year. Mostly, that has to do with age and your body not being able to handle the abuse anymore. I don't miss the wild times of going crazy. There was a time when I could go out and do the streets in the town very well--- and, bring the streets back with me if I wanted to--- but, now, it is a fond memory....... If you are hungover now and still reading this, well, good for you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make the suffering go away. It will, just give it time. I hope you earned this feeling. I hope you had the time of times last night!!! Sit back, relax, grab some much needed sleep, with Excedrin migraine aspirin, and let your body play itself out....... By the way, if you are hungover now, why the fuck are you reading this blog?!!! Go lie down!!!!..........