Love Hurts

Recently, I spent a nice evening with an old friend of mine that I hadn't seen for a while. It was very pleasant evening, two old comrades in arms catching up on our lives. Then the discussion turned a little darker. My buddy-- whom I won't mention by name, respecting his privacy--- said that his marriage is all but over. Now, I knew he and his wife were going through difficult times in the past few years, but, hearing it said so bluntly shocked me. My buddy said the only reason he and his wife will stay together is for their young kids. The love has gone out of the marriage. Then my friend made a most interesting statement about relationships--- he felt ''we had all been taken in about what love was suppossed to be. The love we hear in songs, the love you see in movies,the love you read about in books.'' Now, granted, my buddy is a little down on love because of his situation, but, what I found most interesting in his comment was how timely it was for a little experiment I have been doing for the last few months... Whether it be at a party, a bar, work, or an intimate group, I have been asking people, ''How many happy or contented relationships do you personally know exist?''.. The answers I have been getting back are sobering, to say the least. Almost every time I hear a figure of less than 50 percent. These are long term relationships I ask about. Not teenage love affairs or bar liasions. Strictly standard relationships. The reasons for staying together in an unhappy situation are what you would think it is: the children, money problems, and, the fear of being alone. This has always been a sad by product of a love gone bad. The age groups of the people I ask are also telling. The younger friends I have tend to view relationships a little bit looser than the older friends. If a younger person goes out with someone for a week or two, suddenly, that is a ''relationship''. These poor people miss the point that by not letting things happen naturally between the two parties, they are trying too hard and things tend to fall apart much easier. The older friends are a little more resigned to the fact that this is what it will ever be. There will be no golden ending of riding off into the sunset, carefree, like in a movie. The feeling we all get listening to a great love song can never be transfered into real life. That is why we have the books and the movies and the songs to take us away from reality. For a few minutes anyway, anything seems possible in your heart.... Now, I have been through many nice relationships with women, and, a couple of clunkers. I can only speak from my experience, just like all of you speak from yours. As I have gotten older, the more I experience in relationships, the less I know for sure. It seems to me that nothing in life is perfect. If you except that, then things get a little clearer in life. Still, there should not be so many unhappy people out there. What is, in fact wrong? Is my buddy right and we were somehow conned into what it SHOULD BE, and, when it isn't, we give up? Or, aren't we as strong and unselfish as our parents in dealing with each other? Are relationships only short term, with different people at different times in your life?. The answer, I know, is subjective-- everybody has their own tale to tell.... Last week, there was a story about the recession. In the report, it stated that more people are staying together, even though they are miserable with each other, because they can't afford to separate. It sounds like way too many people are going through the motions. Love, as we all know, when it is clicking.. well.. there ain't nothing nicer!!!!... But, when it isn't.....